desperately
attempt an escape
from cliché
and doing so
live another

midnight musings
jotted down in
cluttered notebooks

they never seem as grand
as they did
with heavy eyelids

kiss my spine
so intimate
your flaming breath
seeps through me
as if the years have made me porous

trace the silhouette
of my calloused fingers
and linger
on the ridges of my wrist
you shiver
I resist
the temptation of escape

rest your head against my own
so heavy with memories
the sinking weight
of stories never told

I taste your breath
I taste your empathy
I taste the words
you never said

I see your face
I crave your company
why am I so full of wanting?
enamored with your smile
your roaming fingers
entranced by what is
behind your eyes
I'll grow close to you
take your love
and **** it dry
I
am
a monster.
never satisfied.

hate
is a strong word
I assume that's why you use it
hate
is perhaps
the one emotion
I've never felt

self induced mania
greeting 3am,
hello, my old friend

lately daylight seems surreal

every static breath
revives the throb
of gaping emptiness

obvious, constant screaming
unfinished
incomplete
howling

muffled by
harmful habits
daydreams
and shallow company

crawling from distraction
to distraction
to sleep
but even in dreams
I find
only temporary relief

these words spread out,
in letters left but not forgotten
on screens that light up lonely rooms

praying silently
that you will read a deeper meaning
confessions and obsessions
longing for recognition

but in the end
it's more than that

it's thirsting for
enigmatic connection
lusting after
someone
anyone
to unravel

and in turn
to unravel me

someone who won't believe me
when I'm lying to myself
someone who will disentangle
the shadowed shambles
that haunt my bones

I pine for
a soul
to comprehend the corners of my mind
to memorize the knots along my spine

in the end
I cannot fathom
why any soul would try