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3d · 46
Story of Eames
Hamzah 3d
In this void and isolation,
Sit Eames serves his damnation,
Neigh in his ears voices of the past,
Wrought sanity in each moment that last.
Please stop!—Shout Eames with braveries,
Beneath his ceaseless reveries,
Retardation for him is inevitable,
Henceforth, numbness is insatiable.

Whilst the time lives as is,
Forsake the lunatics,
Sought means in stampede,
Mere discovers naught awaits,
Good God! Creat’d us for greed!
Forgotten the innocent without traits,
In this void and isolation,
Sit Eames serves his damnation.

Locketh every door that once unveil’d
Refuse Eames’ present as he walk’d
Thou hast no haven herein!
Spurn’d wherever he’s within.
All the doors slow gone,
Thus Eames abideth alone.

No solitude he bears,
Pure absence of any wight,
Naught but none ought to care,
Mere presence none weight.
These isolation he wish’d to end,
He no longer able to withstand;
Poisons swallow’d,
With the hope of termination of sorrow,
Yet death neglect,
To make his mind dissect.

Rest ye’ rusty ol’ fool!
The world won’t bestow you any tool!
Albeit wield’d dagger in his hand,
Pointing towards thee who abandon’d.
Thou know not the travails I hath endur’d?
Shout Eames with eyes hollow’d.
Naked knees bruised as old rag,
Due to an endless beg,
He seeks no salvation,
He seeks no redemption.

Out of the blue,
A soft hand reach’d for him,
Ask’em to grew,
From the kneel did by him.
Is shelter is what you need?—spoken voice sneek
Suddenly terminate Eames’ bleak.
As a goddess who descent,
Radiated an impeccable scent.
With the spirit to back stood,
He finally stands for good.

Why do you take a sinner’s hands?—Eames inquisitively ask’d
At what cost one died in his sins?—said the woman thought it’s her task.
Eames fallen deeper into the pit,
A sudden urge flows in his pith.
There’s a hive and there’s a home,
Yet this one freed him from his catacomb.

Days upon, the broken man bloom,
As the slow march of his gloom,
Awaken an unbeknownst mirth,
Henceforth the absent-mind rebirth.

Pray tell, what dost thou call thyself?—Eames ask’d with fervent haste,
Julia—said the woman who’s innocent and chaste.
They wander to wheresoever they might wend.
Whilst Eames wish’d it’d never end.
Deeper known he hoped to know,
About Julia, the one he thought was faux.
Enlighten me further of thyself, Julia.
Ignore and thou’rt blessed—said Julia.

His insatiable curiosity dost leadeth to his demise,
Lead to many questions arise.
Ask’d but none answer’d,
His curiosity grew as cancer.

Once upon, Julia doth unveils,
About her story and her tales.
She was wound’d like Eames.
As well she never experienc’d dreams.
That verity, left Eames dread,
Is she just a ghost he creat’d?
Delud’d with his lunacy,
In which his brain and eyes have incoherency.

Eames’s brain illuminates,
That Julia is the one he creates.
Eames sudden epiphany
Compose a hymnody
That Eames,
Is still living in his dreams.
Whilst the world keeps forgetting,
Whilst the time keeps marching,
He is still in void and isolation,
He still sits and serves his damnation.
He is still damaged
Hence, he can’t be salvaged.
3d · 228
Shall we?
Hamzah 3d
Forever is never mine
nor yours
Not even ours

For long is much more probable
Although ends are inevitable
Yet the chase is impeccable

So, shall we try?
3d · 49
February 22nd
Hamzah 3d
I wish time stops at 2 a.m.
I wish earth doesn't have to rotate
and give new hope to those who's in grievance.

I wish time stops at 2 a.m.
I wish sun doesn't have to rise
and shine the new faces i barely recognize.

I wish time stops at 2 a.m.
I wish day doesn't have to change
and stuck in the same moment when we're together

I wish i didn't realize
That "morning"
is just mourning without u
Feb 15 · 68
Untitled Poem #1
Hamzah Feb 15
Unless you are a twin, you were born alone.
Unless you are an ant, you live alone.
Unless you are a soldier, you'll die alone.
Feb 15 · 68
Untitled Poem #7
Hamzah Feb 15
I don't want to throw away your toothbrush
Because I don't want mine to feel as lonely as i am.
Feb 15 · 152
Just Enough
Hamzah Feb 15
I know it's not your decision. But, thank you for coming into my dream last night. It was just enough.
I don't know if that's what i needed. To fill up this endless void. But i think it was decent. It was just enough.
I love you. But that's okay if only the image of you that loves me. At least a part of me thought. It was just enough.
I've defeated. By the slow long march of time. By the impatiency of the longing. It was just enough.
I've met you. In this hideous timing that doesn't even give a clue. It was just enough.

I know it was never your decision. But, thank you for visiting my dream last night. It was just enough.
Feb 14 · 57
February 14th
Hamzah Feb 14
Just another day, another night
Without your present presence
I don't know if I might
But I crave for pleasance

Just another minute, another second
Another sleepless in Seattle
Watching the sky leaden
On the very top of Babel

Just another time, another moment
Without understanding one another
Talk but lost in translation
Sorry for being such a bother
Feb 12 · 151
Untitled Poem #13
Hamzah Feb 12
I no longer think we're meant to be
You had endure enough pain before
For I, is such a melancholy
And you, might be another one i tore

So, thank you, for all the time i borrow
Time is all yours to have
Because, if i'm the god of sorrow
I apologise for the tears i gave
Feb 7 · 152
Isolation
Hamzah Feb 7
By the curse of isolation condemned to me
I now pronounce you, "free"
Feb 7 · 58
Life
Hamzah Feb 7
I don't hate my life.
I don't hate it to the point of
I don't like it either
Life has no meaning whatsoever.

I don't see an exit.
I don't want to leave this road.
I don't want to stay either.
The journey, won't matter.

Endless succession of romance
Unbearable pain of being hurt
Inevitable arrival of death
All those are simply.

An unexpected timing
An unbounded urge of having
An unlikely feel of loving
All those, really meant nothing

Life
has no meaning whatsoever.
Feb 5 · 58
Colourblind
Hamzah Feb 5
Why does world
appear in greyscale?
Grey sunflower
Slightly brighter grey emitted
from a rusty old neon sign
That no longer know how to shine

Why does world
appear in greyscale?
Grey clouds with or without rain
Slightly darker bow in the sky
after a slight drizzle of waters
That gradually shades

Why does world
appear in greyscale?
Grey trees in a park
Monochromatic birds
i'd never recognize
That occasionally chirps

Why does world
appear in greyscale?
And why does your existence
has colours?
Pink that i always think
Green that makes me grin
Yellow that dissipates sorrow

Why does world
appear in greyscale?
And why does your existence
bring colours?
Blue that i never knew
Blue that i feel without you
Feb 3 · 57
People are Jerks
Hamzah Feb 3
Most people are,
Everyday we've seen news about physical abuse, ****, ******, etc.
The only thing we can conclude is "People are Jerks"
Yes, they are the worst.
No wonder the devil refuse to bow down to Adam and Eve.
People are basically toxins we never found the cure for.
People are disease, spreading all around the world like PB & J on a toast.
People are the worst.

They **** up a lot of things,
Environment, society, family, even another people.
They always find a way to ***** up everything.
And they always have a reason to say they're not.

People are jerks,
Most people are,
But,
Unlike you,
Unlike me,
Unlike us.

People who have demons in their head.
We are different.
Unlike Adam and Eve, those demons are actually bow down to us.
Those demons live in our head because they respect us so much they let us control them.

People are jerks that's why they have each other to **** up each other's mind.
Us? We're not jerks.
We have our demons trying to mess with our head.
And we have our demons for us to ****.

We are beneath those people.
We are actually better.
Unlike people,
They all jerks.
I also wrote this to my friend who was back then had to deal with her mental issues. I guess, we all have one. Without judging by the severity, i hope it helps you guys with similar issues.
Hamzah Feb 3
When you are on the edge of a cliff, you can only see the scenery. It is beautiful. It is the best.

When you are on the edge of a cliff, you'll get scared of height. Or get scared of things that used to won't bother you at all.

When you are on the edge of a cliff, maybe it will be the first time you think about moving backward. Because there is no other choice.

But when you finally take the leap, you won't recognize any of those. Not even your face that might screaming out loud.

But you will see things you wouldn't expect. Like your life flashing in front of your eyes. Or your happiness that used to conquer you.

Until some moment you'll realize that it was too late. It will absolutely fine if you took a step back, or maybe a couple of steps more.

You'll realize that the scenery is not as good as your life that flash.

You'll realize that the clock is ticking so fast you felt it slowing down.

You'll realize, that your life might be better if you didn't jump.
You'll realize, that the leap not only will take the sadness away.
But also the joy that come along

Every sip of cheap wine you bought every now and then.
Every deep inhale of your favourite cigar.
Every tipsy 2 a.m. conversation.
All gone.

The clock is ticking too fast before you realize,
That it is too late.

Until you find out,
That the scenery is not as good as before you take that leap.
I once wrote this to my friend that diagnosed with BPD. She loves it, she gets back on her feet now.
Feb 2 · 198
Unlikely
Hamzah Feb 2
Unlike life,
Love has meaning
To cherish and be cherished

Unlike life,
Love is pretty
Is the face that i long for and remember

Unlike life,
Love is colorful
Like an abstract painting that captures emotion

Unlike life,
Love is predictable
Like a terrible chess player or bad movie plot

Unlike life,
Love will stay
For as long as love would

And unlike life,
I don't want love to end
I don't want love to leave.
Jan 24 · 84
Superpower
Hamzah Jan 24
I just figured something out,
That i have a superpower that no one has
Is to summon anyone from anywhere in the world

Not by warping space-time continuum and portal,
Nor disintegrating and reintegrate their matters and teleport.

Not even by persuading talks to make them come
But by perturbing thoughts that i simply can't be alone.
Polluting my mind with the idea of their presence,
Corroding my sanity at will to reject their absence.

It might sounds like an illusion
But those imagery have diluted to reality.
I refuse to believe that it is a delusion
My brain simply suffused with such ability.
Jan 23 · 91
Untitled
Hamzah Jan 23
It's suffocating to think
That saying "hello" will end up in a farewell.
Jan 23 · 381
Scenery
Hamzah Jan 23
I love the imagery
Of you sitting next to me
Close to me
Being with me

For now, I love that imagery
Unfortunately
That's all imaginary
Jan 22 · 60
Then
Hamzah Jan 22
They say, "When you love something, set it free."
Are they tho?
When you love something, you don't stop loving it.
Even if the whole world talk you out of it.
Even then, especially then.

Because if you could set it free that easily
Then, it's not love.
It's just a random disposable stuff that can be thrown in instance.
It's a piece of crap that once you mistaken as a jewel.
It's a bad movies with a great CGI.
It looks good once, but not memorable.

Because love should be memorable.
Don't ever forget that!
Even if the whole world tell you to forget it.
Even then, especially then.
Inspired by Ted Mosby's speech in HIMYM
Jan 21 · 58
Incoherence
Hamzah Jan 21
They've been blessed
Whom with innocence
For tho they're damaged
Bless them with ignorance

Each piece of one's mind
Slightly scattered none atoned
Enhanced with weak spine
Sanity postponed

Half they split
With each others contradict
Talks in silence
The other merely presence

They speaks out loud
With their beaks but no spout
Tho they were alone
They will never be gone
Jan 18 · 72
Two
Hamzah Jan 18
Two
Am i going mental?
Why do i keep talking to a brick wall?
Am i going superstitious?
Why do i try to communicate with a ghost?
Am i losing my mind?
Why do i chase pavement?
Am i losing my sense?
Why do i seek non-existence?

Am i?
Am i?
Am i?
Am i writing a poem?
Or am i talking to myself?
Or am i?
Or,
Please stop this noise
Please stop before it's too late
Or,
Is it already too late?

You are too late!
You spineless indecisive ****!
You already talking to yourself!
I'm not a noise!
I can't be stopped!
Introducing Hans Friedrich
Jan 15 · 61
Immor(t)al
Hamzah Jan 15
Am I immortal or what?
I was once got hit by a motorcycle, witnessed by my friends.
Slammed almost 6 feet vertically in the air, about 15 feet horizontally.
All my friends were too stunned to speak.

I got up right away, helped the one who crashed into me.
Only a few scars that got healed too quickly.

Am I immortal or what?
I was once took too many pills, accompanied by my friends.
Chugged too many alcohol, inhaled too much tars in my lung.
All my friends were too surprised that i'm still alive.

I got sober right away, provided them to cure their hangovers.
Only a few discomfort that gone away too quickly.

All those physical pain, i can endure.
All those real wound, i can heal.

Yet, some imaginary scars might almost killed me.
Repeatedly like some kind of a hobby.
All those attempts i made to **** me
Were only ends up in the lobby.

So, am I immortal or what?
If it's physical pain, i can live with that.
I can still be alive.
If it's emotional pain, please, just make me unalive.

I probably
Dead inside already

So, am I immortal or what?
If i'm cursed with such powers,
Don't make me walk down this road by myself.
Don't make me make some new wounds just to feel things.
Don't make me push anyone away just so they don't get hurt.

Don't make me their punishment they'd think they deserve
Don't make me their burden they never deserve.
Jan 14 · 67
Mumble
Hamzah Jan 14
Let's talk
In homophones

I eye
Lights lies
Here hear
Excepting accepting
Prey's praise
Met med
Loves loafs
Live leave
Jan 14 · 67
Poem
Hamzah Jan 14
One of my past wrote a poem for me, titled
"To the one he would end up with"
In it, there's a line that i really live by
"Please be the kind of home he deserve"
She was.

One of my past wrote a poem for me, titled
"Restart"
In it, there's a line that really hits me
"But life must go on, i have to let you go"
She did.

One of my past got a poem from me, titled
"Things i wish i remember"
In it, there's a line that i often forgot
"I wish i remember that love will leave"
I don't.

One of the day i wrote a poem for myself, titled
"Poem"
In it, there's a line that really makes me think
"Please be the kind of home he deserve"
It's void.
Back into the void where nothing matters.
Feels like home, innit?
Jan 14 · 53
****
Hamzah Jan 14
**** those who care.
**** those who care enough to care.
**** those who care enough to bear.

Abandon all hope.
Abandon all hope to hope.
Abandon all. Stop.
Jan 14 · 50
Back to Back
Hamzah Jan 14
Let's go back to nihilism, shall we?
Where everything doesn't matter and will never matter.
Not even your presence
Your absence
Your excellence
Not even my ignorance
My obsolescence
My essence

Let's go back to existentialism, shall we?
Where everything doesn't have meaning and will never have.
Not even your eyes
Your smiles
Your scars
Not even my part
My hurt
My heart

You simply exist
I simply here
It's not destined
It's not meant
We simply bumps into eachother in this chaotic world
Like particles in a vessel, the world is heating up.
They collided more often.

And that
Doesn't mean a thing.
Jan 8 · 65
Stalemate
Hamzah Jan 8
Time is unstoppable
Pausing is impossible
Pending the inevitable
Things built starts to rumble

For all the things i savour
I know i'm no saviour
Dec 2024 · 346
Before It Ends/Begins
Hamzah Dec 2024
So,
Thank you,
For existing.
Dec 2024 · 93
False Positive
Hamzah Dec 2024
Hope is not an assumption
Hope is not derived from a deduction
Hope is never an expectation
Hope is always a superstition.
Dec 2024 · 313
What if
Hamzah Dec 2024
What if we pretend, to have a goodbye we didn't had
What if for once, we stay
What if we change, the very last moment
What if we just enjoy, the last memory we had.
Dec 2024 · 109
Insomniac
Hamzah Dec 2024
-
I thought i was done
Having a pillow talk
With my own thoughts

This conversation is end-to-end encrypted
But why does it only have one end?
I thought i was done

I thought
I finally
be able to get some sleep
I thought i no longer needed to be sedated
Although, the sedation needs me to be inhaled.

I thought i can end this episode
Beautifully written as a good romance
I thought it was done.
I thought i was done!

I thought
I thought
I thought
I already had too much to thought
Try reading only the **bold** part out loud
Dec 2024 · 72
Wounded
Hamzah Dec 2024
Arms wounded
Hearts burnt
Time heals
*******, isn't it?

Each scars represent
Something with no meaning
Only blood flowing
Like an untamed inundation

Hurting the one you love

Hurting the one i love

Hurting the one

Hurting you

The one you love

The one i love

The one
Dec 2024 · 333
Meaning
Hamzah Dec 2024
What's the meaning of deep inhale?
If the tar clings to lung while smoke exhaled
Cancerous
Yet brutally devoured like carnivorous
Venomous
Yet corroding slowly like oxidous

What's the meaning of a sip?
If the alcohol kicks in a dip
True
About being blue
Flew
Up into the sew

What's the meaning of a romance?
If memory leaves as the pain stays
Sorrow
Gone as a throw
Grow
Indisputably slow

What's the meaning of life?
If everything seen is a lie
Null
As it dull
Dec 2024 · 151
The Last Lie
Hamzah Dec 2024
Life once asked the death
“Why do people hate you but love me?”
She asked him curiously
“It’s simple.”
He answered.
“That’s because i’m the painful truth.
And you are the sweetest lie.”

Life was still curious
“What if there are someone who thinks that i’m the painful lie?”
She asked.
“Than, they would think that i’m the sweetest truth.”
He smiled.

I’ve been taught by my mother
That it’s much better to tell bitterest truth
Than sweetest lie.
It’s much better to be honest.

I’ve grown up and learned something
That sweet lies are things that most people seek.
They learned, they fell, they woke up and they walked
By the things that we knew as sweet lies
Life taught me so.

I’ve grown up and learned something
That most of people were frightened by the bitter truth
They know that things existed
They know that, that bitter truth would come
And they would run away, even though they couldn’t.
Death told me so.

But when life hits me hard once.
I know that beautiful lie aren’t beautiful after all.
So is life.
And that teaches me something that i believe until now.
That death is our best friend.
‘Cause he’ll come to us.
It’s just a matter of time.

I’ve been taught that it’s better to be honest.
But we live in things that contained with lie
And i’ve learned from death.
That he'll never tells the truth even though he is the truth itself.

So if you don’t understand what life is
And what death is.
You won’t be able to understand me.
Neither the words that i'll tell you.

That this might be the last lie
From all the bullcrap that spilled out from my mouth
I don’t love you anymore
And i never do.
Hamzah Dec 2024
I used to think that i know love really well.
When i try to be sweet by picking her up.

I used to think that love would cover the mistakes.
Small one, or big one if love is strong enough.

But no, mistake is a mistake. Love is love.

Love is seeing her watching movies.
Smiling and somehow trying to cuddle me.

But no, it's about listen to her words.

Love is sad when she's away.
Missing her around and sometimes call her.
Love is arguing over small things.
And laughing later on.

Love is spending time together.
Sharing poems about future.
Love is expectation. This one is pretty dangerous.

Love will sad when you used to be mad.
Love will cry when your tears dry.
Love will love when you're afraid to leave.
But love will leave when you're in love.
Dec 2024 · 101
Rhymes
Hamzah Dec 2024
Need
Is a strong 4-letter word.
So is love.
Like homophones, those two easily mixed up.
Sometimes those two rhymes.
Dec 2024 · 450
So Be It
Hamzah Dec 2024
All my life,
I've been asking "why?"
Questioning things
Yet one answer remains
"So be it"
Dec 2024 · 110
Lake of Memories
Hamzah Dec 2024
How funny it is to remember
How a tree lives its life to the fullest
Ended up as a log for me to sit

All of its memories vanish as it is
Like nothing ever happened
Nor ever exist.

The lake of memories
Got its name from its lack of memories
Just a massive crater for water to fill.

The memory-less water
That shaped accordingly to its vessel
Its memory lost as soon as it's transferred.

I wish they have that memory
I wish they realise that their memory lost
That their memories
Did matter.

I wish i didn't have the memory
To remember that memory
will gone eventually
Whether fading out slowly
Or lost instantaneously.

I wish i didn't have that memory
I wish i didn't realise that my memory lost
That my memory
Didn't matter.
Dec 2024 · 148
-
Hamzah Dec 2024
-
Nihilism in cancerous
Mutating uncontrollably
Growing silently

But, with or without cancer
People die anyway
Whether quickly by a bullet
Or slowly by a disease
Or simply, heart choosing to rest.

Death is inevitable
Whether it chose to come suddenly
Or it's been waited patiently.
It will come.

Without caring when and how.
Whether when we're alone,
Or when love was already gone
Or leaving love alone.
It will ends.

Everything will leave,
Everything will gone,
Everything will end.
Dec 2024 · 120
Comatose
Hamzah Dec 2024
I've been numb enough for long enough
To realise that i'm trapped in a void.

Like a comatose, my body functions
Yet, i can't speak
Mouth mumbling trying to make a sound
I can't see
Eyes wide shut
I can't feel
Heart beats just because

Like a comatose, i can't escape
So many way out, yet my body resist.
Options exist, yet nothing matters.
Not even matter matters
Not even your matters matter.
It doesn't matter.
It never matter.
Dec 2024 · 162
Numb
Hamzah Dec 2024
I don't know what to say
Because
I don't know if i'm able to
Because
I don't know what to feel
Because
I don't know if i'm able to
Because
I don't know what to know
Because
I don't know if i'm able to
Because
I don't know
Because
I really don't know.
Nov 2024 · 131
The Perks of Loving Me
Hamzah Nov 2024
You know what you really want, when you seek for love. Attention, affection, affirmation, etc. You know you'll get it, if you choose to love me. It might sounds like my ego or my narcissistic side. But it might be true.

It might seems like a tinder profile. But here is a list of things you'll get from dating me:

1. When you choose to love me, you'll get a complete package of a drama movie. You'll get joy, sweet words, happiness, and of course, love. But you'll also get tears, anger, disappointment, and it could end up in a broken heart. So you have to be ready.

2. When you choose to love me, you have to be prepared to listen all of my what ifs and dreams. You have to be prepared for living on a prayer because i'm so ******* good at being patient and grateful.

3. When you choose to love me, you'll learn an interesting things about me. But you have to know that i'm the only one who think it's interesting. Others just think it's madness and messed up.

4. When you choose to love me, you have to learn to handle me at my worst. You have to be mature enough to admit that you're sorry. Because i definitely won't be afraid to do so.

5. When you choose to love me, you have to take down my ego. Then, you can easily conquer me.

6. When you choose to love me, you have to be a home.

When you choose to love me, you'll get everything you ever dream of. But baby, let me tell you something. I'm a comfort zone that you really have to be brave to step out of it. I'm a short escape from reality that you always seek. I'm a sweetest dream you'll ever get but **** they were always right about waking up.
All i'm saying is, don't.
Nov 2024 · 122
Dear future you
Hamzah Nov 2024
Hey, do you remember me?
The one who loves you with all his heart.

In this particular moment, I don't have the ability to see through time.
So I don't know what us look like in your time.

If something good happens, then I'd still be by your side. Hug you tight and kiss your face. And everything will be all alright.

But if the future isn't as good as i thought it will, i want you to know some things. Or if i have ever tell you those things, i want you to remember.

Right now, at the moment i wrote this, you are the most beautiful woman i see. Your outer and inner beauty radiates so that i can feel it all the time.
I am so in love with you.
I can't never stand the idea of you leaving.
Nor the idea of leaving you.

I feel loved by your existence.
I feel loved by every words you gave,
By the gentle movement of your hand brushing up my hair.
By every single second you hold my hand.
Every hugs, every kiss, every love words, every gaze. Everything.

Right now, i don't care about what might happen.
I don't care about what future might bring.
I love you.
At this moment, I love you and i'm in love with you.
In the next 5 seconds, I still love you and i'm still in love with you.
In the next 5 minutes, I still love you and i'm still in love with you.
In the next 5 hours, I still love you and i'm still in love with you.
In the next 5 days, I still love you and i'm still in love with you.
In the next 5 weeks, I still love you and i'm still in love with you.
In the next 5 month, I might still love you and maybe i'm still in love with you.
In the next 5 years, god i hope i still love you and still in love with you.
In the next 5 decades, please, i really wish i'd still be in love with you.
Because loving you, is the best thing i ever had in my life. And i hope it will last throughout my life.

If things went well between us, then i'd still be loving you the way i love you now. Or maybe even more.
But if things didn't end well, then i probably still be loving you this way. I'd be out there and probably waiting. Because i know/wish, we'll end up together.
Or else, I'll be in a deep misery.
Nov 2024 · 188
Repetition
Hamzah Nov 2024
I hate repetition

Falling in love with someone
Seeing them
Skipping my heart a beat
Having butterfly in my stomach

I hate repetition

Falling in love with someone
Trying to get to know them
Communicating through chat
Talking to them with awkward pitch

I hate repetition

Falling in love with someone
Wanting them
Needing them so bad
Getting attached

I hate repetition

Falling in love with someone
Loving them
Loving them everyday and night
Loving them like a stitch

I hate repetition

Falling in love with someone
Trying hard to not hurt them
Extinguishing the spark
Ditching or being ditched

I hate repetition
Loving them
Loving them
Loving them

I hate repetition
Hurting them
Hurting them
Hurting them

I hate repetition
Being broken
Being broken
Being broken

I hate repetition
I hate repetition
I hate repetition
I hate repetition

I hate repetition
I ******* hate it.
Nov 2024 · 160
Null Set
Hamzah Nov 2024
I was once complete.
All axioms fulfilled.
All operators well-defined.
All systems consistent.

Although,
Subtracting a set by itself,
Creates
A null set.

I was once complete.
All axioms fulfilled.
All operators well-defined.
All systems consistent.

Although,
Adding a null set
To another set
Changes nothing.

I was once complete.
All axioms fulfilled.
All operators well-defined.
All systems consistent.

Although,
The completeness
Is not from myself.
It's not premade.

We were once complete.
All axioms fulfilled.
All operators well-defined.
All systems consistent.

Although,
The completeness
Has gone.
Thus, i am a null set.
Nov 2024 · 159
Ouroboros
Hamzah Nov 2024
That pattern
Occurs periodically.
Despite all the vern
I still hurt myself regularly.

Those ricocheting projectiles
Travel uncontrollably.
Hitting them who smiles
Wounding them miserably.

This is not a sanctuary
Not a place to survive.
This is a void, where no one can hear me.
Screaming, "Help! I'm eating myself alive."
Nov 2024 · 389
Right/Left
Hamzah Nov 2024
Left to right got you.
Now read it from right to left
Nov 2024 · 123
The Red Room
Hamzah Nov 2024
This room is somehow mine.
Though, i don't feel like where i belong.

This room, is empty. Just a single bed that doesn't remind me of anything.
I wish memory works as easy as opening up files from old computer. Most of the time, it doesn't.
It doesn't work when i needed them. But, it will probably work, it will probably work when we are about to shut our brain down.

This room, is so isolated. Things that are actually there, dispersed. Slowly vanished into thin air and left me with my own thoughts.
Things that are actually there, weren't even there at all. Not even the air i breathe. I slowly choked, by the so-called void. Because all the things that are supposed to be there, are not there at all. But in the next morning, they are there. Especially, the baggage i've been carrying around that sometimes drive me nuts. They were all there, right next to the photos i wish i never threw away.  

This room, is red. The blanket is red. This soft blanket that somehow won't recall any memories. Old sweater hanging in between new ones. Even a thing called memento doesn't work. It won't work, because memory never works that way.
Memory never works. You keep putting your favourite pair of socks in the place you sure you will notice and you will remember, you did put it there.

Yes, You did put it there so you don't have to waste your time finding it, you did put it there so you just wear it whenever you want or whenever you need to, you did put it there so you don't have to lose them, you did put it there because it's the 8th times you lost your favourite socks this month. Deep down, you are convinced, you did put it there. You did, because you pretty sure you'll need it.

But look at you now, marching around the room, barefoot, cluttering things out from its place, searching, thinking, remembering, contemplating, "Where the **** did i put it?!", Feel stupid, sometimes crying, trying so hard to stay sane, angry, subconsciously banging your head into the wall for no reason, keeping yourself away from sharp things because they might hurt you, reading old poems out loud so you don't have to read it twice, burying your face into the pillow, screaming, wiping out tears, falling asleep and waking up.
Realising that you will never find it.
Accepting that you lost it for good.
It's never about socks, isn't it?
Nov 2024 · 157
Somnambulist' Nightmare
Hamzah Nov 2024
Is waking up,
Reality is ****** up.
Hamzah Nov 2024
I don't know since when you chose to leave.
What i already know is that you never accept me anyway.
But there was time when you make me feel my presence.
Not just that, but also my existence.
That one beautiful moment for me who keep coming back to you.
Or maybe i never really come into your life.
But it's okay, life is full of confusion anyway.

There are so many words i'd like to say.
But i know you'll laugh at it all the way.
Because maybe you think i'm a joker and you're one of my masterpiece.
I don't know why god made it this way.
Like a beautiful rose that filled with thorns.

It's the third time for me to let you go.
But saying "goodbye" for me is just another "hello".
Like we usually do.
Like we did it now.
Nov 2024 · 104
Maybe
Hamzah Nov 2024
Does the term "perfect couple" really exist? Maybe one day you'll find someone who really understands you. Someone who knows you're crying even though
you aren't.
Someone you wish you had in your entire life.

Maybe two love birds that chirping in the morning are actually having a fight.
Or maybe mantis eats the male's head because she really love him.
And maybe we never see love that way.

Maybe having someone to count when you are vulnerable doesn't considered as love. Maybe wanting to having someone is not love at all. Maybe love is not like what we see in our parents marriage.
Or in a failed marriage.

Maybe crying at the middle of the night when you miss someone is not a cry for love. And maybe crying when you lost someone is not as well. Maybe the terms "love" shouldn't be exist. Or shouldn't be defined by human.

Maybe love is never about having, it's about letting go. Maybe love is never about keeping, it's about moving on. Maybe love is not about me being your partner, it's about me being your brother even though i know i'm not.

Maybe it never works the way we thought. Maybe when we hold onto something, it will hurts us.
Maybe love is never about a start, it's always about an end.
Maybe it's always about sacrifice, not your time nor mine.
But our hearts, or yours.

And maybe that's why they called it "falling in love".
Because it'll hurt us sooner or later.
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