I’m broken
Too far gone
No one can save me now
You’ve destroyed me
I’ll never be what I once was

My walls have crumbled down
It’s time to build them up once more
Twice as high
Made of steel

Never again letting someone close
Hurt one too many times
Never to be repaired
Tears longing to fall

I refuse to let my imperfections show
Act strong
Don’t let anyone near
They’ll only hurt you
Disappoint you

Leave you trembling on the floor
Scared to open yourself to anyone
You no longer trust
Everyone is now an enemy

You used to be so innocent

Never questioning why your brother was gone for weeks
Why mom and dad weren't talking
Why your teachers always gave you such sad looks

You miss the days when your biggest problem was getting the wrong ice cream
Not making it seem as if nothing is wrong
Putting up a false front
Trying to please others

You miss the days when your parents made friends for you
Not how you walk through the halls alone
Keeping your head down
Hoping not to see the looks you know you’re receiving

Nights spent alone
Crying
Having no one to turn to

You miss the days when everything seemed so perfect
When you didn't shake in terror at the mere thought of school
Having to deal with everyone
Acting as if you’re okay

You miss the days when you were innocent

One, two, three
The bottles keep disappearing
Four, five, six
The hits becoming harder
I can smell it on her breath
See it in his eyes
Never changes
Only gets worse
Nobody see’s his anger hiding beneath my sleeves

If you put a yellow stone in your palm, you will
Feel the warmth of a blanket, fresh from the dryer
Smell daffodils drifting in the spring breeze
Taste homemade lemonade
If you hold a green stone to your ear, you will
Hear wind rustling through the trees
See a forest with a fresh layer of snow
Feel the back of a cat in need of a bath
If you place a red stone under your tongue, you will
Taste a jalapeno, fresh from the plant
See a young man whose heart has been broken one too many times
Feel the heat of a blazing fire
If you hold a grey stone close to your heart, you will
See someone who's being eaten alive by their regrets
Hear the shallow breaths of someone barely hanging on
Taste the bitterness of a ruined marriage
Smell an old house, full of mildew
If you grab a black stone it will crumble to dust, causing you to
Hear the thoughts of a deaf man
Smell fresh blood
See the ghosts that hide inside us all

You feel something
Someone
Always watching
Always waiting

Always glancing
Nothing to see
Nothing to hear
Just the feeling

You never feel alone
You know you’re never alone
Where are they hiding
Where are they watching
Why are they watching

For Once

I sit alone
Silence ringing in my ears
For once
My mind is quiet

No thoughts of my mistakes
No thoughts of my joyful times
No thoughts lurking in the shadows
For once
My mind is without a thought

For one
My mind is peaceful
Without a sound
Still
I cherish this

It’s not often that my mind allows stillness
It’s never fails to torment me
Never lets me forget

For once
My mind is tired
For once
My mind has quit
For once
My mind has failed me
As I have failed you

For once
My mind is gone
And so am I

My soul ached
Thoughts scrambled through my head
Terror. Confusion. Shame. Rage.
But most of all
Why
Why was I forgotten here
Why does no one answer my screams
Why do I only ever feel misery
Why wasn't I enough