Gypsy died on a date unknown.
We found her surrounded by moldy food, in her apartment, alone.

My grandmother who prayed for Jesus to be in my heart,
Lay lifeless on the couch,
falling apart.

Dad was in rehab and we gave him a call
Sitting In the hallway up against the wall.

He answered and said, "I'm doing so good! Never been better, like I knew I would!"

The news of his mothers death, with him being so far away,
Caused him to drop the phone and start screaming in pain.
"Oh god, no this can't be true"
He wasn't even there to pay his dues.

I Flipped through Polaroids she kept in a box,
Surrounded by people, all worried and lost.

Gypsy and I would play in the backyard,
She had red hair and a golden heart.

We filled endless bags with her crosses and bibles,
All smoking cigarettes and talking for a while.

They took her away in a hearse,
As I rummaged through all the junk in her purse,
Letters and donations to be sent out to churches,
all left without stamps, empty and worthless.

I called her gypsy because she was as free as the wind,
The crazy make-up lady who would laugh to no end.

Nobody wanted answers as to why she died,
She was laid to rest on Christmas Eve, the closest to Jesus she'd ever been in her life.

I hope now gypsy is finally alright.

There came a point when the cancer spread to your brain,
A point in time where you couldn't even yell out in pain.

When the clicker was a telephone,
And you sat in a hospital bed all alone.
Not noticing the crowds of friends coming to say their goodbyes.

Some to laugh and some to cry.

All talking to a woman they used to know but now sits silent,
Minutes passing and closer to dying.

I was then only in my adolescence.
Sixteen.
cruel and mean.

I waited for the crowd to dissipate,
Standing in the doorway,
thinking of what to say.

To the mother whom I said I hate,
Yelled and fought and ran away.

I lied next to you,
covered in confusion as to what to say,
What to do?
"I'm sorry for every bad thing I've ever said and done"
"You really are the best, mom"

Thinking it was too late and you didn't understand,
I went to leave but you raised your hand.

Caressing my arm as we lie in silence together,
A moment that resonates in my soul forever.

The moment my thoughts were free,
The moment I made my peace,
The moment you made the decision to leave.

The rotting walls,
The warped floors,
The cracked wood that makes up all of the doors.

Do you remember when this place used to be so bright?
When we still ate dinner at the table most nights?

Blanket forts and puzzle glue,
I always said my best friend was you.
I was your checker queen,
You were my everything.

We took rides to the liquor store,
The smell now will always remind me
Of my childhood.
These types of field trips never ended the way I wished they would,
With your nose pressed against a cut straw in your friends ***** apartment,
Maybe you hoped that I would never remember it.

I used to pray to a God I was too young to believe in that you wouldn't crash the car when you were high on oxy.

Whispering to myself
"Oh god, please."

You would get so close to the cars on the side of the road and I would just keep praying that we would make it home.

Then, after mom died i picked up your bad habits.
I would drink and drive in hopes that I would die.

Id get to close to the cars on the side of the road while praying to a God I still don't believe in that I wouldn't make it home.

But I did.
Every time.

To the rotting walls,
The warped floors,
The cracked wood that makes up all of the doors.

Why is it so hard to remember when this place used to be bright?
I cant even imagine a dinner at the table most nights.