the floor underneath me is shaking and
the walls surrounding me are crashing down.
my mind is madness like the chaos of a burning fire.
the fury is rising
hatred
loathing
disgust

in your eyes i am nothing but a disappointment.
you make me feel so small
under your scrutiny and rage.
do you want me to apologize for being sad?
i'm sorry
we all have our ways of coping.

i stand before the reflecting glass
and glower at the green lights looming at me
my thoughts scamper
and i reach for anything
to **** the pain

take me to your dark attic.  
show me your old photo albums;
the ones in black and white
in the box
next to your old toys.
bring your demons and your spirits
that sit atop your shoulder and
whisper evil into your ears.

nowadays it seems as if it's only the seasons that change

it was dangerous
yet delicious
the way you inserted the syringe into my arm.
my fear dissolved as you looked me in the eyes and
as the drugs began flowing through me.
at that moment i became dauntless.
euphoric.
i had then stepped into your world
full of needles and pure release.

i wish i was a person
that dreamed of being a child again.
i'm sure they have sweet memories of days at the park
or trips to the museum.
but the only place i remember visiting was
the liquor store.
after my father was sold his daily bottle of poison,
i was given a timid smile and a lollipop
oh how sweet memories can be.