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Hailey A Carlson Sep 2014
School is going to start again and everything is going to change. You will fade into what is our school and our classmates and your friends and what we know now as life. And I will fade with it as you settle in, meet new people, maybe fall for a girl like you did for me. And I know you won't understand what I mean because that's just the way you are, and you go with what is told and what you know. But I miss you, and I want to be with you and listen to music and stay in an endless summer of just us in a mess of mind and body love. I love all you are, your loud quirks of spontaneous reality and laughter always. The way you always smile and always play a new game with me. Your playful light on everything that goes on. You make me beleive in our world again, like everything is good and everything is love and happiness and everyone really does mean well. You make me love again
Hailey A Carlson Oct 2013
Hands
Fuse together
Like how metal welds
As the temperature rises
Lost in the river and adventure
That go beyond your eyes
Yet secure in your presence
The subtle touch of your skin
Just like the whispers
of the suns rays
on a cool day
The strength of your arms
Constricted around me
Holds me fast
Away from fear
Yet your smile accepts
My unbounded ambitions
Your eccence like a drug
Brings me ecstasy
Hailey A Carlson Dec 2013
Do you know the feeling, you know how it felt to really be happy, you just forgot how you did it. And maybe it was because of the people that surrounded you, or maybe it was yourself making the choice to be happy. But all you know is that it's too **** hard in this moment to get there. Even though you try so hard, you feel like you're going no where. And all you want to do is escape the feeling but you can't. So you're just constantly frustrated with yourself and just. Sad. And you don't want to be, and you hate yourself for it. Like what are you doing why are you letting yourself live like this it isn't good! But you just don't know.
Hailey A Carlson Dec 2013
Your lips touching mine
Brings my surrender
A love like fine wine
Be my bartender
Hailey A Carlson Dec 2013
What if heaven and hell were real. What would differenciate people from going to heaven or hell? Would it just be beleif. Believe and you're saved? Like if a murderer of a thousand children beleive in the catholic faith, they would be "forgiven"? While someone who saves children's lives everyday, yet doesn't believe in the Catholic faith, gets to spend enternity in hell? Maybe we reincarnate. What do we come back as? Is it even in this universe? Do we each have a soul? Are the animals and things around us the past souls, or even the future? Is that possible? What determines the animal or thing we come back as, is it what we most resembled in our last lifetime. Like an angry person would come back as a badger, and a peaceful person, a dove?

Or what if we simply stop living. We don't see a white light, or go into a dream, or darkness or heaven or hell or anything else. But what If we just stop living. And this is really it. What if what we are doing right now, eating, sleeping, breathing, as time goes on, as we all get older inevitably. This is all we have. There's nothing more than this. THIS IS IT. And it really is simply what we make it. What if there is no place to go when it's "over". This is all we got.

But what do we do? We go on doing what society expects, what others want, the normal. Constantly waiting and wanting what we can't obtain, trying and trying for things not needed. Searching for acceptance we could so easily give if we could just learn. Constantly pressured and watched and judged. Destracted by our surroundings, destracted from what WE are doing ourselves.

Happiness. Is it money? Wealth? Materials? That's what "they" imply. You tell tell me what it is. It's not something you can copy from another person. It's whatever tickles YOUR peach. Whatever makes YOU happy. Why don't people understand this? Our lives really aren't very long. Look at how old the world is, and how it has gone on without you in it, and how it will once again, when you are gone (if that's what you chose to beleive) "you only regret the chances you didn't take". When was the last time you did something for the first time in your life? Why be remeberd as just another ordinary. Or not remembered at all. You have nothing to lose.

The people who are good for you will stay in your life, they will stay with you till the end. The true people will love you till the end. And if things don't go exactly your way, there's nothing you can do about it after it's done. So make the best of it and MOVE ON.If things are out of your control, find the good in it and just try to have some fun. Slow things down if you can. Really stop and smell the roses, take a deep inhale and savor it. How many chances will you have in your life to smell the roses? Who knows? Do what you like in life, if you don't know what exactly you like just yet, try some stuff out. People think there's a path in life we you must take, a life rubric, a guidance. What everyone else does. We don't all need to do the same thing. So surprise some people. Mix it up a bit, life has no rubric, it's a blank canvas you can paint however you want. In fact, you don't even have to paint it. You can cut it up, or fold it like origami or glue buttons to it or sew it into your life quilt. It is Anything you want it to be. ****, eat it, fly it, smoke it, drink it, drive it. Just live it. It's yours. All yours. And No One can take it from you. Listen to Yourself. Be whoever you want to be, Because You Can. No one can stop you but yourself. Why would you stop yourself? Stop stopping yourself, and give the green light to a life worth living.
Hailey A Carlson May 2013
Escape
Can we please
Be released from the greed
Dip away from the world
Finally be at ease
Leave the gazes behind
Of all those who whine
Shut off the noise
Of the judging kind
Lets be in ecstasy
Without taking a pill
And do nothing
That's against our will
Create our dreams
And let our eyes beam
Trust ourselves
To find bliss
Take off the shelf
Our child's wit
Bask in the feeling
Of knowing your happy
Never be afraid,
of being too sappy.
Hailey A Carlson Dec 2013
I'm waiting, for someone to care, for people to change, realize what they're doing and why. I want to stop thinking that I am alonee, want to know there's someone else that thinks like I do you and sees how the rest of these people are so shadowed and blind. I want to see the good times again, and I want to remember these moments, knowing there are more to come. But my hope is falling through my fingers, as each day passes drearily in the same **** way. Without Change. And I wonder why people think their way of life is Okayy. I want to fill the lonely emptiness and longing I have, but they continue to make me more and even more empty, leaving me a shell of the wonderous possibly I know I can be. Just held back by their thoughts of their reality. They can try to listen to me, like anyone should, but I know they just don't understand, and I just wish I could change that, and let them see what I see, how ugly they really are. Allow them to know what their actions really spell.

I want to escape to a place with passion, not passiveness. A place with spirit and soul and color and good vibes, full of true originality and heart. With NO INTENTIONS. Just truth. Just simplicity. Just happiness and laughter and love. No consequences. No melodramaticacy. A place where there are no fake smiles, only unstoppable dimples. Made by REAL and TRUE moments, moments so rare to me now I can hardly remember the last. I just want the truth, not lies. And I want everything the world can offer. Is that too much to ask? I want risk. Where did that go? I want to be and feel like an entire human being living for true happiness and potential, fulfilling dreams, no matter the circumstances.

But these kids, these future conquerors of the world, they continue to allow themselves to be completely controlled by the social norms of our ******* society. I refuse. But it has no mercy, society is a killer, high school it's ally. It controls, infects, then kills the soul. A sad death all too willingly accepted. It hazes the youths real priorities, and takes over the immune system, rejecting difference.
Hailey A Carlson Apr 2013
Warmth engulfs you
All pain in gone
In this world
Nothing can go wrong  
Your blood pumps wild
Like it did as a child
Out of reach from age
But so easily afraid
Deep breath kills you
And makes you still
Obsorb the moment
Embrace your will
Because tomorrow comes
Faster than ever
Time won't let you run
Although you are clever
Gazing stars in the sky
Watch our world spin high
As we haze in and out
Of our short ride lives
Hailey A Carlson Jan 2013
Don't tell me you love me,
Don't tell me you care,
Don't wish me good luck,
Or give me all ears,
I don't want a love song,
Or a wipe for my tears,
That's not what I need,
To cope with my fears
I want you to kiss me,
To hold me in close
I want you to miss me,
When I have to go,
I want you to wisper,
Things for just me to know,
I want you to lasso my heart with your rope.
Hailey A Carlson Sep 2013
Drip I'm happy
Drip I'm sad
Drip I think I'm going mad
Drip you're here
Drip you're gone
Drip everything is going wrong
Drip I'm alone
Drip I fear
Drip I love you whispered in my ear
Drip that love has disappeared
Drip a beautifully sight
Drip an unfortunate plight
Drip regrets
Drip memories
One more drip
And theres nothing left
Hailey A Carlson Oct 2014
Darling if you would only kiss me one more time
I could taste the memories of our careless endeavors
Before the reality of you becomes present
You shift back into the world against me
I wish i could see how i found you
Some years ago, hair too long and life still short
But with clocks and ticks and calendars away from you
I've remained unchanged since i left in October
Like you were my passage to all i flew with
Now heavy with the weight of high school
My burger joint job and what could have been
Hailey A Carlson Sep 2013
Hungry for sweet apple pie
the one that comforts, when you cry
Thirsty for, a hot coco
One thats not bitter though
I'm craving, some tasty chips
The zesty kind, you can't resist
I got an urge, for jalepenos
What a kick, doesn't grow old
A milkshake sounds nice
Lots of sweetness, will suffice
Mmhh sweet pears,
that are always there
But unfortunately,
these foods are rare
So my plate remains
hungry and bare.
Hailey A Carlson Mar 2014
IS THERE ANYONE LIKE ME?
Hailey A Carlson Jan 2013
I catch a glimpse ,
of my world,
as the days  unfold.
right now,
my folly future
is in my hands to hold.
What I will do,
i seize to know.
The world is waiting
For me to grow
But time I have,
at least for now,
to chose where I will go
Hailey A Carlson Dec 2013
What if
The shoulders
We think we can lean on
Are made of glass
Hailey A Carlson Apr 2013
I wish I was the contents of a jar,
For years preserved in the sweet security of the glass
Hidden away from the aging brought by air.
My passion for flavor remains untouched, never decaying.
Awaiting one day, to be immersed back into the world
And to be devoured by a hungry soul
Hailey A Carlson Jun 2013
As I write this
I well know
To you
I can never show
The words of this poem
Are way too real
You won't understand
This heart full speel
I will start now
With how much you mean
Then I will tell
What I do dream
Please sit back
With open ears
As I imagine you'd do
If this was ever revealed
Here it goes so just listen
Open your ears
For what I say
Often brings me tears
And sometimes much pain
You mean all so much
To me, it's insane
I'm obsessed with your love
It fills my whole brain
Every smile you smile
Drives me so wild
And when we hug
My emotions, are riled
You wink
My heart blinks
I know you won't let me sink
When you're here
I feel whole
How great is your soul
You're different than others
So beautiful and kind
I just can't help it
You're on my mind all the time
I know it sounds sappy
But that's what you mean
And it makes me so happy
But I do have a dream
It's simple, it seems
Yet i can't change
Where your heart leans
I just wish you loved me
As dearly
As I do thee
I hope I'm the one
That makes your eyes gleam
That allows your smile
To appear on your face
And all your worries
I wish I could erase
I want so bad
To be the one on your mind
But if I am not
I guess that's fine
You, I cannot change
As much as I pleed
I know you shall remain
The amazing  person
I see
Hailey A Carlson Jan 2013
Who am I
People say
While hours slip
Into days
We ignore ourselves
Time wastes away
Change is left
In the cold to lay
Money madness pain and sorrow
Crash on us quickly
Much like tomorrow.  
On the outside, we are clean
But on the inside, full of dream
Exceptance blocks us
from ourselves
Unable to unleash
What can be held
Hailey A Carlson Jul 2014
Tides lash as secrets keep
Dark times in a mind so meek
Kissing thoughts that roam the deep

Wake to the cold embrace
The memories, that make me shake
For gods sake, give me a break
I'm not feeling so great
  
Lovely times, though horrible crimes
That haunt my mind
Wish I could just replace
But in my drugs you are laced
An addiction, you embrace

Please tell me I'm worth it
So we can just be perfect
Hailey A Carlson Aug 2013
Summer night, underneath the stars, making wishes as flashes shoot across the moonless sky. Twinkling stars occupy our sights. A warmth between us, sharing. Past the cerfew, but little care. Sweet music fills our ears, along with the voice of a boy. Blonde hair blue eyes and an unbroken heart. Wishing for kisses, with every flying star. Tracing satellites. Thinking of the world, but not the one we live in. Dreaming, listening, loving you.
Hailey A Carlson May 2014
Move your hands across my body
The lightest you've ever touched feeling every scar and mark of my skin
Then grasp my reassurance that you'll always catch my fall and accept every flaw
Drag your lips across mine in a slow motion kiss that brings me to surrender
Pull my neck with your mouth and take my heat leaving me chills
Look at me like you've met me for the first time, and are seeing me for for the last
Allow our bodies to fuse and move like the waves pulling me in closer and closer and closer to you
Spaces widen then tighten, winding and grasping at our fantasy
Breathing you in, in short breathes of trusted submission
Hailey A Carlson Feb 2015
When all you knew has crumbled
Those fleeting moments memories
Good or bad are gone
When you realized what was, wasn't real
But the reality was too much for understanding
That the things we felt were simply chemical
That the addiction wasn't necessity
That what we were was not a solid
But a cloud of temporary emotions
An instantaneous burst of feeling in no direction
It was momentarily sensual and that is that
And that is alright
That is where is shall lie
So when you're drunk and say you loved
Don't make mistakes of the past
Remember liquor is a depressant
Try not to bury deeper than what was
As I did for so long
Because love, you deserve better
Hailey A Carlson Jan 2013
Moments
Make a person
But kisses make you certain
Certain of the way you feel,
The decision made, to remove the sheild.
To let your heart mend together,
From the hard times, and bad weather.
The mistakes made.  
But the lessons learned.
The countless times
Those  eyes had burned.
Hailey A Carlson Jul 2014
Once you were holding my hand
A bold embrace
Every time we met
A smile and a kiss
at every goodbye
Leaving each other
Gleaming
Side by side
In a feild of grass
We had to leave
Because of your allergies
But that was my favorite part
When you gave me butterfly kisses
And spun me slowly to fast tunes
Decorating each other in paint
Just for the hell of it
Getting you to eat blueberries
When you hate fruit
And me eating asparagus
That I can't bare to taste
Sitting on your heated kitchen floor
Eating chocolate animal crackers
On Wednesdays
The sifting sun
Through your windows
On that old denim couch
In the endless summer
Cool and cuddled for hours
Your back rubs on bad days
When you would kiss
The freckles on my shoulders
Times seemingly endless
An eternal love burned so fierce
But now look at us
Me, a shadow in your life
I would be holding your hand
Talking to friends
Laughing and loving so greatly
Yet I write this alone now
Sitting in the locker room
On a musty couch
Hidden in the back
Before the school day starts
Where I will see you again
And wish hopelessly
That I could hear you say
I love you
Once more
And beleive it
Hailey A Carlson Jan 2013
Moonlight fills the blackened sky
all the space in my head is occupied
wonder, worry, pain and sorrow.
All things that will change tomorrow
Linger in with heavy presence
As the stars are accented with a crescent.
The night brings hours, seconds, time,
thoughts of dull and thoughts of shine.
Between day and night is a fine line.
A line that thickens as the day winds
And darkness shadows all our views,
makes us see in a deeper hue
Sleep is only a fraction
Of ones, nightime reaction.
Hailey A Carlson May 2014
Once you were holding my hand
A bold embrace
Every time we met
A smile and a kiss
at every goodbye
Leaving each other
Gleaming
Side by side
In a feild of grass
We had to leave
Because of your allergies
But that was my favorite part
When you gave me butterfly kisses
And spun me slowly to fast tunes
Decorating each other in paint
Just for the hell of it
Getting you to eat blueberries
When you hate fruit
And me eating asparagus
That I can't bare to taste
Sitting on your heated kitchen floor
Eating chocolate animal crackers
On Wednesdays
The sifting sun
Through your windows
On that old denim couch
In the endless summer
Cool and cuddled for hours
Your back rubs on bad days
When you would kiss
The freckles on my shoulders
Times seemingly endless
An eternal love burned so fierce
But now look at us
Me, a shadow in your life
I would be holding your hand
Talking to friends
Laughing and loving so greatly
Yet I write this alone now
Sitting in the locker room
On a musty couch
Hidden in the back
Before the school day starts
Where I will see you again
And wish hopelessly
That I could hear you say
I love you
Once more
And beleive it
Hailey A Carlson Jan 2013
Paths
Are taken with trust
But are always taken in a hurry.
You can get on the bus
But you'll have to scurry.
Is it right?
To catch the flight
Can I hold on,
another night.
It's hasn't been long
Since I've done wrong
But they don't know
Cuz I  wont show.
My mind is my enemy
The future my weakness
The eyes in secrecy
And the hearts needed seamstress
Hailey A Carlson Jul 2014
I'm not the sun, shining sweetly in rays of warmth and light
I'm not the rain either, violently  pouring endlessly drenching in misery
I'm the earth after a rainy storm, when the sun breaks out and heats the ground
All at once
I'm the hissing steam, sizzling and
Confused so hot all at once, flustered and floating in the heat of your heartless love.
Hailey A Carlson Mar 2013
My eyes used to shine
With wonder, with kind
I'd dance round the room
Not a care in my mind
My parents my heroes
My sibling my foe
The paper made crown
Resembling my thrown
My cares, not developed
Neither my brain
The clouds never heavy
Always sun, never rain
Now time has fled
My feelings turned red
Realize the change
Heavy thoughts in my head
Escape is a dream
Sleep, a nightmare
Friends slip away
Not giving a care
I wish to go back
With every star I see
I want everyday
To let me be freed
I miss my youth
Its flown all too fast
Please please please
Take me back to the past
Hailey A Carlson Jan 2013
Drown  me in your wave of dreams
Suffocate me into the night
**** me away with slumber
Smother me with darkness
****** my never ending thoughts
Erase my worries and problems
Sleep, please take me away from here.
Hailey A Carlson Apr 2013
You're so new
So full of mystery
I never knew
Or would never have guessed
You would one day
Mean more than the world to me.
Hailey A Carlson Sep 2013
Hum the tune
for all to hear
but lovey
no one is near
beautiful music
from your presence
but nobody
can feel the escence
Practice day
practice night
till its just right
But no one can hear it
what a terrible plight
Everyones gone
so you feel so wrong
why make a song
for none to sing along?
Its because their all busy
they've not shown
cuz they're waiting for you
to come hear their own.
Hailey A Carlson Oct 2013
When did we change
The stars rearrange
I'm not happy anymore
But whose to blame
Open wound and some salt
Was it all my fault
I love you I love you
And I love you more
That more turned to mourn
As we were slowly torn
Etched in my memories
You'll always remain
But when I remember
It starts to rain
Not all at once
This happened to us
It occured In no rush
No sudden crush
It took the type of time
You don't really find
Until it's overdue
And floods into your mind
Now I'm on an unpiloted plain
Through a hurricane of pain
How could you be so vain?
Hailey A Carlson Jan 2013
Love, it's a word people hate, a word people use to much, yet not enough, and a word that means so much more to the world then what is known. Love is your emotion, when you can't stop thinking, floating, and dreaming. When your life comes to a blur, and the only things that's clear, is that one person. Love is an antedote for sadness, but can also be the sickness. Love is an overwhelming  fealing of warmth. When someone says they love you, you gotta beleive them, because it's not free, it's not earned, it's gifted.
Hailey A Carlson Jan 2013
In a world,
Where no one can stand,
Without a little help,
From another man.
Our people struggle,
We stagger along,
To have a place,
To call our own.
We make money,
If we're ever so lucky,
And slink along those days,
That tend to be grungy.
What people don't know,
Is how to be happy,
How to move along,
And live a life not to shabby.
The one thing left,
for the world to learn,
is that happiness isn't found,
And  it isn't earned,
It was inside all along,
Next to the thing we call greatfull,
Far from the wrong,
And next to the faithfull.
Hailey A Carlson Jun 2013
You know that feeling
That terrible feeling
Unable of healing
When something happens
Every once and a while
That changes everything
And you can no longer smile
Nothing can be the same
And there's no one to blame
All you had
Is now gone
It went all wrong
Tears pour
Remembering the past
And all those good times
At their last
Hailey A Carlson Jan 2013
Second chances can't persist
Because the memories still exist
You can try to replace them
And yield to retrace them
While you try to hit clear
And push away your fear
But it's just too hard,
These times went too far
The past cant be  chared,
yet it still burns hard,
The future seems a waste,
Cuz the good times already took their place.
There's no where left to turn,
Those fealings are over
You've  come to learn
Hailey A Carlson Aug 2014
I do recall when you kissed me so hard I was out of breathe
Now the air in my lungs quickly contract
As I continue to think of the alternate
When you bit my lip and took my will leaving me with addiction
You leave your smell and the thought that things will change
But those both go away, within a few days
When you're at your house watching breakfast club at 3am
And I'm rolling in bed alone
with work in the morning
Floating around the house
in the silence of mind surrender
Company of floor boards and bare feet
Blink hard to stop thinking of you
Slipping into a mind I can't control
Feelings that press without consent
And I still don't know if the truth you tell, is a lie.
Hailey A Carlson Feb 2013
Bittersweet,
lick the rim,
feel the chill,
on your skin.
Piercing liquid,
climbs down your throat
Yet lifting up,
in the room you float.
Your vision struggles,
to keep up.
As you tip the glass,
and begin to ****.
And a grin streaks your face
But it lacks it’s natural grace.
Artificial happiness,
Results in bitter loneliness.
Regret always follows,
When the day strays to tomorrow.
Addiction keeps you faded
Far into the moonshine
You have waded.
The bad taste
Turns times to waste.
Your twisted into a wicked trick.
Whisky dreams come and go too quick.
But life keeps going
The pain,
still growing.
Without you even knowing.
Hailey A Carlson Jan 2013
Why do they do it?
Why do they care?
About what people think
And what they will share?

Are they really judgmental
Of what they do?
how they look,
Is unnatural,
no one has a clue.

Theres no where to hide,
From who you are inside
And theres No where to go,
When the truth passes by.

But they still stand there
And tell themselves lies.
lies that will change them
And force them to cry.

In the end they get bitten
By the truth itself
They're swallowed up whole
And are put on the shelf.
If they would have,
Just been untouched
They're future wouldn't end it
Stuck In a crutch.
You
Hailey A Carlson Jan 2013
You
Your the one
Precious as gold
My empty hands
Wish to hold
Smiles, much more than a curve
Laughs unleash, love much deserved
Time together
Goes too fast
Without you
I swear I'd crash
You don't only help,
When I am down
You make me feel,  
Like I could never frown
When you talk
I'm lost in your words
A daydreamy sound,
Is all I heard.
I just want to be
In your arms
I've fallen hard
For your charm.

— The End —