I'm caught
They know what I did
and I feel bad
But do I feel this empty gnawing
because I got caught
or because I know it was wrong
I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway
I didn't feel guilt until I got caught
am I wrong?
I'm guilty
but am I wrong?

Don't have the time
or patience
to spit a half assed apology out of my mouth
so I'm detained
Lock myself in a white washed box
Listen to teen suicide
mumble mumble
who am I
and all that ****
We're all trapped in our own heads
Constantly detained
in our own (in)sanity

Sun is shining
Corn is dying
turning light golden brown
The wind blows through me
And I feel surreal
I know we aren't going far
But I want to
I think about it
It consumes me
The need to experience
states
roads
towns
an entire country
My lust for sight of the world
is so deep
I can feel it aching from my very core

I am awake
It has been 4 days since I last slept
(or has it?)
My minds eye
goes fuzzy every once
in
awhile
is that sleep?
sleep
is that
that is sleep?
Am I clear
or foggy
fog
foggy
              I am
                Fog
I wait and wait for sleep(?)
Am I real?
Real
reality
I am reality
I am a glorified cloud
of energies
from the earth I was born
and to earth I shall return
is that sleep?
How long have I been awake?
Eons?
Millenia?
Centuries?
Decades?
Years?
Months?
tick
tock goes the clock
what energies are mine
what are yours
are we all one
is one all
I need to sleep

I live on borrowed time
I waste it
I wait around for the end
I don't seek it
Why me?
Why am I alive?
I'm a scummy slimy stupid scuzzy ******
waster

You know those moments
where  you have your
deepest
darkest
secret
perverted
disgusting
wrong
worrying
thoughts
and you realize
you're a real sicko

Remember in the spring
when I didn't sleep for 6 days
then crashed for 2
I didn't eat
my hair fell out
my eyes fell out
i fell out
so I ran away from him
and for two days
while you were dying (I'm so so so sorry)
I was so gloriously seeing
and tasting
and breathing again
I was betrayed
and came back
and took a bottle of colorful candied mouth shutters/brain melters/eye blinding/wonderful/horrible
poison
I woke up the next day
and cried for hours
until my throat was raw
and my eyes were dry
then there were
more pills
more prescriptions (addictions)
more sleepless nights
filled with cigarettes
all presents from her ******* husband
they make me quiet
knock knock
nobodies home
my soul evacuated
my lifeless sack of a body
I became the living dead
Living breathing death
Then I was shocked back to life
when I chose
life
when I chose
to hide my wonderful little presents
in a secret box
with my ******
rusted
but still
silver
knights
I chose
shaking
sweating pills
fevers
no sleep
cold then hot
hot then cold
over death
and you ask
why I don't like your ******* husband