The humdrumness of happily ever after,
Dull, like grains of sand.
Like waves, ever perpetual,
Ever repeated,
Ever reprinted.

A little black square,
Jumping out of
The blank and white page.
Bleeding ink,
Oozing traces
Of what's beneath.
A little black square,
Jumping on,
The blank and white stage.
Spewing pink,
Glop.
Seeping slop.
Spitting out words,
In chaos,
Disorder.
And then it's gone.
The paper has soaked it all.
Back in,
Again under,
Beneath the surface.
Of my world.

Out the window,
One by one.
Ever said,
Never done.
Resolutions.
And I'm here,
Left with none.
Never can,
Ever plan.
Solutions.

Bare,
My head sheared,
My mind confessed,
My skin peeled.
My soul undressed.
Bare,
No cover,
No hide,
No veil.
Bare,
Stripped,
Barren,
Nowear.

I have new lines,
New strands of consciousness,
New threads of mind.
I have new lisles,
New warps across,
New wefts around.
I have new sanity,
Minus preoccupation,
Plus sense and sound.

My q w e r t y are quiet.
The keys are all letters,
No words.
Keeping silent,
Lying soundless.
Black plastic squares,
Metallic silver river,
Flowing around.
Dull.
Leaving me mute.
Leaving me bound.

When I don't,
Unless I'm wrong,
If I want,
I want for long.
Then I might,
For endless bliss,
Though I'm right,
I sometimes miss.
I miss,
I miss,
A kiss.

Let go,
Let time flow through me.
Whistling up and down my hollow veins.
Swirling and flattering on its way.
Knocking on windows,
Barging through doors.
Wreaking havoc,
Instigating wars.
Between me and myself,
Keeping scores.
And I'm always losing,
Both of me.
Losing myself, my sanity.
If I ever had it,
Time has it now.
And I am left with hollow veins,
And no time.

Dusty, rusty limbs.
Creaking, whizzing seams.
Mucky, murky mind.
And I'm inside.
Trapped,
Wrapped,
Strapped.
No way in.
No way out.
Whizzing and creaking in my ears.
Dust and rust in my lungs.
Muck and murk in my blood.
And I am inside,
Confined,
Incarcerated,
compassed.
Nowhere to go,
No one to come.
Detached.
Marking the days on the walls,
Line after line after line.
Counting my thought,
Concluding my dreams,
My marbles displacing,
One by one by one.
Misplacing my sanities,
Losing my mind.

Every day of my life is passing by.
Every day, short of one pulse,
One pulse, holding all the hearts,  
Away from me,
Turning me sole.
Every day of my life is passing by.
Every day, short of one thought,
One thought, holding all the minds,  
Away from me,
Turning me dumb.
Every day of my life is passing by.
Every day, short of one follicle,
One follicle, holding all the buds,
Away from me,
Turning me bare.
Every day of my life is passing by.
Every day, short of one prospect,
One prospect, holding all the rest.  
Every day of my life is passing by.

Lights,
In the street,
A long, long row.
Arching and curving,
To the end of the road.
Lights,
In the street,
A cortege.
Little bright specks,
Stretching far,
Far,
Far.
Away they stretch,
Behind the bend,
Bequeathing a glow,
A luminous thread.

A stone dropped,
Into the well,
Into the well,
Well,
Well.
Tapping the walls,
On its way.
Way,
Way,
Way.
The echo coiled to the top,
Chasing the stone, soon I drop.
No echo now,
A flop,
A plop,
Then stop.

Night,
Sleeplessness,
Unsettled restlessness.
Relentless.
Voices,
Whirls in my head,
Reflecting, repeating,
Ceaseless.
Morning,
Repentful,
Resentful,
Forgiveless.­

397 samples of man,
I need to let them in.
397 whiffs of stupor,
Behind the door,
An arctic nursery.
397 beads of dread.
I will be suspended in bed.
397 needles till dawn.
Will they hold on?

You were already broken,
I know.
Before you made me go.
Before we crushed.
Before we met.
You already had a set,
Of faulty wires, a lacerated link.
And I knew,
But I didn't think,
About the tear,
I didn't care,
I wanted you.
But then it snapped
And I got trapped,
In a labyrinth,
With you in every corner.
On every next,
In every former.
But I need to remember,
You are broken,
And you dismembered,
Me.

Stuck,
On a pivot,
Round and round,
Turning,
Turning,
Bound.
Winding,
Winding,
A strand,
Of fibery, coarse, fabric,
Around,
Shoulders,
Chest,
Hands,
Knees,
Feet,
Bound.
Boun­d.

My music plays with no notes.
My story told with no words.
My poem recites with no rhyme.
My bell rings with no chime.
My drum beats without blare.
My wind whistles without air.
My candle burns without flame.
My life passes without name.

God is calling me.
Whispering in my ear.
My darling, my dear.
Come to me.
I want you here.
God is calling me.
He wants me near,
But I can't hear him,
I can't hear.

Wall one for my pictures.
Wall two for my words.
Wall three for my structure.
Wall four for my hoards.
Wall one for my times.
Wall two for my space.
Wall three for my dimes.
Wall four for my pace.
Wall one is falling.
Wall two coming loose.
Wall three is squalling.
Wall four for my noose.

It's all in the fine print,
At the edge of the page.
The do's and the don'ts,
The ex and the next.
My life as a manual with written consent.

Dream,
Where thoughts are loud,
And cries are silent.
Reality is warped and delusion real.
Where truth is false and lie is honest.
Where I keep all I ever promised,
To me.

A well, a pit, I'm sinking deep.
Surrounded by towering walls, I weep.
Soundless, I cry,
Howl to the sky,
Far, far above,
Out of reach,
Out of hand.

Lines, in between,
Dividing.
Separating,
Necessity from obsession,
Air from depression,
Bother from pain,
Madness from sane.
Sadness from sorrow,
Today from tomorrow.

I’m repeating myself,
Repeating myself. Once, twice, thrice.
Grinding time to dust,
From dusk,
Till dawn.
Grinding, pestling, battering,
My life,
As I’m pressing on.
I’m running an endless marathon.

I didn't say yes,

One in my head said: “No!”.

I wanted to stay,

One in my head said: “Go!”.

One in my head never rests,

Keeping my slumber at bay.

Crowding my days with weariness,

Incessantly buzzing away.

My life passes by, day after day,

One in my head is merry and gay.

My life passes by, night after night,

One in my head is full of delight.

Gray, dark asphalt,
Leading somewhere else,
Away.
From here, this place,
Leaving me,
Astray.
Darker, grayer, asphalt,
Under my feet,
Dumb.
I'm standing in shadow,
Hearing the bit of no,
Drum.

I see me,
Walking,
Down the street,
Looking utterly, foolishly, obtusely, insanely, ridiculously,
Happy.
I'm eight.
After that,
I broke my pate,
I gained my freight,
I found my hate.

Peas,
In a pod,
Three maybe four,
Together,
Never alone.

Trapped,
Inside.
A wall of glass around.
And the world is blind.
I watch it move,
Go on without me,
Living me behind,
Inside my wall of glass,
To find my own way out.

I see them come,
I watch them go,
Not stopping here,
Not looking,
Not thinking,
For a moment,
To stay.
So still,
I'm talking to myself.
One more day,
One more day,
One more day.

It's not real.
I am not there.
No one is.
It's just air.
It's not true.
I'm not me.
I'm a figment.
There's no she.
There's no us.
No them.
No later.
No then.
No times.
No places.
No lives.
No faces.
Just wasted,
Wasted,
Wasted.

Dawn is outside my window,
Behind my walls.
And I am here, inside,
Restless,
Sleepless,
Dreading dawn.

Ripples of scentless odour,
Diffused with every beat of my heart.
Through my skin.
Pulsing out in faint circled puffs.
A fog enveloping me,
Stretching thin, long fingers,
Tapping on the shoulders,
And stealing up the noses,
Of all those,
I might want.

A line hanging,
High.
Between before and later,
And I am now,
Suspended,
In between.
A pendulum pulsating in the wind.
Between before and later,
Paused,
Hoping for a cause.

The light is no longer mine,
If it ever was.
The darkness, nearer, herer.
So close.
And I am standing,
Half not,
Half lit,
From the lightness residue,
Left in my pit.

Tacky,
Pressed,
Stressed down.
Clinging on,
Grain to grain,
Flat.
On a thin skin,
A shellish, crumbly wrap.

You’re not talking,
But your silence is loud.
Spreading, expanding,
Drowning all other sound.
You’re not talking,
So, I fill the void,
With a one woman dialogue,
Hoping to devoid,
Of you,
Without losing too much,
Of me,
When I have just a few,
Left of me to clutch.

Talk to me.
No thanks.
Just give me some words.
I’ll send you a text.
I need to hear.
I don’t see why.
So we can move on.
Then just text goodbye.
You don’t understand.
No, I really don’t.
Things can be explained.
Well maybe that’s what I don’t want.

Obsessed, obsesssseeeddd, bsessed, obse,
Ssed, sessed, sobessed, bosessed.
My mind is a circuit,
It's skittish and wound.
I'm diving downwards,
Hitting the ground.
I'm soaring high,
Touching the sun.
One thought, one thought, one thought,
one!
My mind is swelling from one thought.
All else is gone.
Thought is forming into a clot,
Paralyzing, can't move on.
Can't go back,
Can't stop one thought.
Obsessed, all that's left is a shot
To the head,
Remove the clot,
My head as well,
As a result.
Never mind,
Not much inside,
Only one thought,
One thought,
One thought,
Rewinds.

Talking to the wall,
No answer.
Speaking to the floor,
Dumb.
Imploring to the ceiling,
Quiet.
Talking to myself,
Again.

Time I don't have.
I have.
Time I don't want.
I want.
Time I don't miss.
I miss.
Time I don't care.
I care.
Time I don't lose.
I lose.
Time I don't use.
I don't use.
Don't use.

Indifferent,
In different,
Eyes,
I looked.
Inwards,
In words,
And lies,
I rooked.
Insults,
In salted,
Pies,
I cooked.

I want you to wake up,
And wish that I was there.
And when you have your breakfast,
To hate the empty chair.
To cry into your pillow,
Just like I do.
And for your bed to be so cold,
Since I’m not there with you.
But really most of all,
I want you to know,
With every fibre of your being,
You shouldn’t have let me go.

I'm not a pair,
I'm odd.
The ark has sailed
Without me on board.

Early morning,
Late night.
Morning,
Late, late night.
Noonish,
Early, early morning.
Evening,
Morning.
Sleeping circles.

Talking,
The walls have no ears.
Smiling, winking, flirting, kicking
Only my silhouette peers.
Screaming,
No heart to shed no tears.
So, talking to myself,
I have been for years.

My **** is lacking juvenescence.
Outsourcing hormones,
Injecting youth.
Youth comes with puberty.
Reliving puberty,
In a mean body,
With a middle age mind.

One thought,
Replaced by one,
Other, still none,
Nother.
Flooding, dudding my mind.
Clotting, blotting behind,
My eyes.
Fixated, unfixed, entangled.
Unstable, at the end of my rope,
Strangled.
One body dangling,
Rangled,
Mangled,
Taut.
Head dropping, rolling on the ground,
Echoing,
One thought,
One thought,
One thought.

Around the wall,
Around the well,
Around the dangling rope.
I'm pacing,
Try tracing,
My misplacing hope.

The rope is long,
I tie a knot.
I wrap it round,
I'm getting fraught.
My feet unstable,
A dizzy head.
Don’t like it here,
I pull a thread.
A lonesome strand,
Is now all tangled.
I pull the rest,
The rope gets frazzled.
I look around,
No one is near.
I get off,
I leave the pier.
A quick glance back,
The waters foam.
The boat is drifting,
I'm going home.