you like the attention
and being the center of the world
but when it comes to pointed fingers
you never let them be waved towards you
you always redirect them to someone else
because you were not made
to understand the power of a pointed finger

i stand in front of the mirror
making faces at myself

poking at my stomach
and pinching my sides

i run my fingers down my stretch marks
and my eyes trace the marks on my wrists and ankles

i am still alive
but i feel very much dead

when i look at myself in the mirror
am i seeing the real me
or an illusion

i think that the most damaged people in the world
are the kindest
and the softest

because they know
that scabs can be picked
and you can bleed

i am gentle
because i have cuts that are hidden
but you never see them bleed

im "the happy friend"

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to rely on drugs for happiness

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to wake up everyday, and wish they still were dreaming

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to be the mediator of family fights

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to avoid looking at themselves at certain angles

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to constantly **** in their tummy- making sure they're still paper thin

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to lay in bed- tears welling in their eyes

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to feel the constant weight of the universe resting on their chest

why would i feel that

after all

i am the "happy friend"