It always starts out gray, no color, no emotions, just gray
The same start day after day
Feeling something crawl over me and forcing me down
Forcing my own mind to think I’m in a ghost town.
Tells me I’m nothing and nothing I will become
I start to believe it and it turns me numb.
Long nights become even longer as my body begs my mind for sleep.
The affects it has on myself runs too deep.
Not just the mind but physically as well.
The two are parallel.
Medication pills are perceived to offer support.
But the idea fell very short.
Drove me closer and closer to insanity
As I’m losing faith with Christianity.
My body becomes weak with my mind
No one notices enough to care, or they are just blind.
Twenty-five pounds lost, more thoughts gained.
Just trying to keep it maintained.
I crack, I crumble, and I take a fall.
It sees this and fills my mind with darkness, making me feel small.
I believe it, I can’t control it, I follow what it commands
Seeing the hooded man, I attempt to shake hands.
Two weeks later, I am checked out with it a new mindset
It no longer seems a major threat.
When it screams its nasty messages I turn away.
I listen to music and keep it at bay.
When it tells me I am going nowhere and will not become anyone
I go for a run.
When it still struggles and battles me at night
I go for a midnight drive, playing songs and convincing myself it’s going to be all right.
When it tells me I’m all alone and attempts to despair
I go to a show and feel connected to the people everywhere.
It feels worried as it begins to grow smaller
As it does I begin to see color.
I’m cutting the anchor that is depression
And trying to move in a new direction.
Days are still gray at times and sometimes it grows stronger
But I am feared no longer.
I am equipped to fight back against the beast
The times it comes back has decreased.
But I’m still fighting against the afterlife
To bring back color into this life.