I want some honesty, some success
I see pictures of a girl who smiled at me 20 years ago
She looks like success
Did I get lost?
Trying to make it?
I feel I haven't sung before,
Never written a song
Never played guitar
I feel like all the things that have put me together
Have just fallen like a stack of sticks

Everyone looks so successful around me
Cars and babies, books and music recordings

I just prayed for help
I could run around the city
Just one more time

When will I land?
I thought life got easier
The steam train of my mind
Is running hot

I must be like a box of fireworks
There's only so much preparation you can do
Before you explode

Round and round I go

Dear Moon,

Thanks for never failing
to tickle my sense of wonder

You'll see
I'll carry the day
I'll carry it a long way

Out into my openness
That would never go away



All but one room
With its clean carpet
There I wrote songs
Until it got dark

They were true in their aim
Tears came and came
Sisters in the front row
Cried for change



You'll see
I'll carry the day
I'll carry it a long way

Out into my openness
That would never go away



I must have lost a man by now
A young one at least
But here I am
Still protected

My eye is on the moon
Her staircase still
Extending down
Waiting for me and you



You'll see
I'll carry the day
I'll carry it a long way

Out into my openness
That would never go away



Why do you struggle?
Why are you sensitive?
Why are you crying?

Your voice suddenly powerful
Continues thru the flood
No hell below us
No heaven above


You'll see
I'll carry the day
I'll carry it a long way

Out into my openness
That would never go away

Dear Luna
Smiling Crescent
Don't let me touch your body
Because I'd just write my name on it
Never to return

But I pray for the day
When you look at me with both eyes
Full and bright
With a smile I can return

On that day
I'll never leave your side
It's my nature
It's my promise

A bird flew into the shed
While I was exercising

It must have been curious
Wanting warmth

So I let him stay

I went inside had lunch
Then thought to make him a warm box

Bought some worms
Delivered tomorrow

I put him in the box
Maybe I was careless

I left him there
It's not yet summer,

It's still cold

So I went back to check later
Turned on the lights

And found him in the corner
He was wet

I dropped him, reacting
Checking my hands for blood

It must have been wee
Or tears

He was dead

I buried him
With my pick axe

In the near dark
The cold backyard

Alive and Dead in a day

If that ever happens again
I'll bring it inside

The old man
Who destroyed his bed
Shat in it
As if that is what it was meant for

Wasn’t invited to my sisters wedding
He was missing
I’ve been here two weeks
And I’ve avoided contact

I remember the lady with the red hair
And the kids I’d never like
How she held my awesome tennis racket to the ground
   I couldn’t say “You’re going to scratch it!”

I remember he’d be on the phone to her
Sometimes in the toilet
Us kids were just in the rumpus room
As if that is what it was meant for

But I do remember the older boy
With long brown hair
He had CD’s downstairs and he burnt some for me to listen to
   “Rock and roll breeds anarchy” the old man said
       It was all a bit forced

But I remember when this boy pulled out his guitar
Sang a song
And we were all seated outside
This awkward place to be
And I saw the old mans face
How it went still

I am music
I am like water
I am like time
I am like change

Everyone’s inside tonight
These chords make me remember that sad song

That fills me with longing


Reality set his mark
But I crossed the line


Don’t get me wrong
When I sing of a love
That always will be
And always was



We’ve gone looking
Our minds filling the empty streets

I was walking in the warm night
In a heavy dream


Reality set his mark
But I crossed the line

Don’t get me wrong
When I sing of a love
That always will be
And always was





Where will we go?
When there is nothing to give to?
No cup for our overflowing hearts?


Reality set his mark
But I crossed the line


Don’t get me wrong
When I sing of a love
That always will be
And always was

Black seeds at the bottom of the sea
Singing a B minor Melody
Where the black and blue meet
Draw your hand, the open rake
Make shapes like seaweed
A Tasmanian underwater forest

I'm from there, a part of me at least
From where a mother finds her son dead in his sleep
From where the sweetness of the world collects and meets
We make homes out of homelessness
All of us

You can try to keep me out
To organise me
Like a crack riddled Canadian Street
And push and bump into me
Like I was a girl minding her own business
Who happened to look Chinese

But those arrows that reach
Those arrows that seek
Thru the black and blue
You'll never stop those

They ridicule the soft white foam that sits lifeless and still, obsessed with death

We reek of love, life, dreams and eternity
We mingle and meet
We turn out the street

Come hang out with me
Watch the never ending shapes in this never ending sea
As they seek and reach
Rising like a sun under the sea

I woke up and I was old
Swimming around like voices thru Barcelonas streets
I feel strange
Where is the world running to anyway?


An idiot gets up to yell
A priest sits nervously behind his eyelids
Dreams and the body work alternate shifts
I can't see the youth who shot straight and clean


C'mon comet
C'mon
If you're going to burn
Thru the sky and across the trees
Do it now

I think I get it now
I remember when I was so sad
Sitting up slowly in bed
And she saw me from the door
She ran over
And saddled me smiling

And I was sitting up slowly
Again
The same way
When I was watching
My workmate
And the way old Tom talked to her
And she was watching me
She was sitting up slowly in bed too

Thankyou Tom in a way
Thankyou for letting us see each other
We
Who sit up slowly in bed

I’m at a party,  I have a party hat on and a sparkler in my hand, popping and bright
And everyone is deliberately not making eye contact with me

Cool calm killer
Calm and considered
But everyone's got a knife
To carve a smile into this black
Where's your's?

The weight of it
Dropping like a dead planet
Find it
Find it
Test it, try it

One good **** is a **** for us all!

Like rain on a thirsty day
You’ll be seeing me again

I'm off to **** a beast
I'm going on my own
I'm not taking my phone, don't wait up
When I'm back
I'll let you know
I'm off to **** a beast

I'm going on an idea
I had from long ago
The feeling has grown and grown
It would make me the first
In a long line
Off I go
I'm off to **** a beast

I'm happy on my own
My light is on for me to see

I'm off to **** a beast
There is rage, rage, rage
Sticks that easily break
And sounds that interrogate
But I have faith
Beasts beware
I'm off to **** a beast

I'm happy on my own
My light is on for me to see

I'm off to **** a beast
I'm going on my own
I'm not taking my phone, don't wait up
When I'm back
I'll let you know
I'm off to **** a beast

May 1, 2020

Beelines and Relics, that's what I'll make.
The Devil makes use of idle hands...

Two days ago, this corona virus thing, looked like a good relaxing world reprieve. A much needed slowing down.
But just like the construction builders who have worked throughout, that come in for coffee in the mornings, I wouldn't just relax and let it all slide.

I was on the phone to my mother the other month. "It's *******," I said. "When have they ever cared so much?"
And in Tesco the other day, a growing disbelief, a cynicism. "They can just mark in a car accident as a corona death," I overheard a guy saying to the clerk. "It's true," I chirped in.

Walking along the street today, masks everywhere. Signs up, billboards, ATM machines, corona virus this, corona virus that. Social distancing. NHS heroes.

I think now we are heading into a new form of control. Biological control. I was talking to Stef the other month, and he had the notion that in the future, people would need to have the appropriate vaccinations before they could get on a plane. Totally forseeable.

We, the human populace, the animal, biological component. Easily docile, easily, easily controlled.

The big guns may hit us yet.

What a beautiful memory
She'd come to find me
To sort that out
Her little boy storming off in anger
That terracotta courtyard
Under a blue sky
Just to laugh and smile
And set the day right

She stands beside the wheel, it is the wheel of life  
She has the same face as my mother

Dress
Seeds
That place I ran from

A sullen voice, a lonely swift
Who's time is it now
To sing for joy?

I see you everywhere
Every coloured skin
In tenderness and care

I've found a den to hibernate
I want to tell you what I see
Before it's too late again

The light of God
It's true
True as the sky is blue

Funny how these bridges hold
With no-where to plant the otherside
Building into the sky
An open road
The only way I've got to go

Over the lavender fields
The lavender dreams
The lavender bandages
Removed and healed

It was Cameron's 40th
He was the nicest guy
Never not smiling
If that guy wasn't love
Love didn't exist

I wanted to check if they were still together
And there they were
She'd posted photos, some going back 20years

Sally was always smiling too
She'd be there after school
Besides Cameron and his car

She had womanly secrets and figure too
But all thoughts you may have had,
She dispelled with her smile
They were unbeatable

I didn't come down on a cloud
Like Sally and Cameron
My egg cracked in stormy a sky
It's yolk tumbling to the mud and rainwater below

Mine has been a fight
Between the dark and light
Maybe for a time
I used to be beautiful

And I cried for that time
But maybe I was blowing it up in my mind

I don't cry for yesterday anymore
I've caught up with myself
You could say

Cameron would be happy to hear from me
I'm sure he is smiling at my birthday message
I'm working my way out
As each and every person has to

Lend me your eyes
So that I can see myself
And when it's me I'm seeing
I'll give them back

I've got the feeling something big is going to happen

I used to be beautiful,
Let's see
After the storm
The rain
And the sun that rolled across the trees in my dreams
Let the dust settle
Where it has to be

Move like the black river
In the moonlight
Looked at by people on the bridge
silent, steady, courageous
Almost frightening

Setting out

We met by the fireplace
I said I played guitar
So I went round for a jam

If all we did
was live and breath
It would be ok
But then there are dreams
And things we are good at
And that's where the trouble starts

Of asking what do you mean
And you must know!

How do you make something from nothing?
How do you make something work?

A new song?

I've run out of places to run
But the world is large
But it isn't the world I've come to see
It's me
Here's one for positivity though
You don't have to run
You can walk slow
I'm not going anywhere

How do you make something from nothing?
How do you make something work?

I'm sure you'll be there
When you need to be
You'll step up when it's time
Exactly when or how
I couldn't be sure
But take it easy
You've got this far

A new reassurance
One from the treasure chest
I heard an angel say, trust the timing of your life

How do you make something from nothing?
How do you make something work?

Lady Bird


We got home in the early morning
The after party on the boat was pretty pathetic
But the night, venue and music itself was tip-top
It's been a long time since I've been out on drugs
And it won't be the last

I went with Ahmet, my legend of a friend and housemate
We've booked ourselves for another next month, but that's the last one ever! I promise!

So I was sitting in the conservatory alone
In the morning sun
And I notice a Grand Lady Bird singing
I close my eyes and listen
We are all listening to her

They are definite phrases
Eloquent and heavy with her touch and emotion
Sighs of praise from the older women next door
I don't even speak her language
But she is singing her best, her most beautiful
And we are all pinned on her

Crash BANG!
The noisy big bird of a ***** crashed into the conservatory ceiling
And squarks like a rude fat idiot
Quiet, settle
He better not make another noise, fat ****

Lady Bird begins out of no-where
3 notes
She stops

We are all supporting her on, in our minds

The not such a good singing little supporter breaks into his best song
No, no, no, no says Elegant loving Lady bird
It carries on a bit, this back and forth, a bit of comedy
No, ahhh, no, ahhhh, no...

Somewhere in this I'd forgot to mention
Lady Bird was angry at me
I'd somehow, unknowingly got her attention
And she was reproaching me
I picked myself out of all the surrounds to be the one that Lady Bird was getting angry at
And I was listening so intently to her song
So you can imagine how quickly I wanted to sink and hide from her view

But later I did get to speak with her
I asked her if I should continue singing
She said yes it was good, and this is from her!
To go for it
But be smart......

So this is the story about Lady Bird in our back yard
I'll try to play with her next time, on the guitar
Let's see, she is out there

Clouds pass each other
Kissing like Venn diagrams

Pin his tail
The butterfly too
Use what they were saying
the both of them too

Buildings touch the sky
But 10 times more stand behind the eye
The paths shine
I've walk them a million times

Try to catch me
Locate me
Fascinate and dissect me
Put me on display
For the crowds of imagined friends
Who aren't there

I'll collapse by the end of this bleep
Something immortal
Better than sleep

I'm getting my life together

Almost cruising after the bumpy road

Tomorrow I don't know



Sometimes I think I can't do it

A feeling of helplessness

But I see thru it


I'm calmer or smarter these days

But I can't be sure

And the last few nights I've dreamt of fighting and women

Soft, loud


So even my dreams are noisy and restless

As I try to focus

To see it thru



I'm finally able, able as I'll ever be, consistently

My imagination is for these days

Each day a year

Away from you

The love that brought me back



Outsaw me

Ran me out

Gave to me

More than I could myself



It's snowing this morning

Primavera is on my lips

The new day

And magic


I'm laughing

Creeping across the dark

I'm forever grateful

Now I can see


Each day a year

Away from you

The love that brought me back



Outsaw me

Ran me out

Gave to me

More than I could myself

I have a poisoned heart
It giggles it doesn't laugh
And it wants and wants

I want to put it into a song
Have it heard a million times over

What will the census
And the bureau of statistics say?

About the poison of a poisoned heart.


I want to make it
I want to make it better
I want to be selfless, not selfish
In the light, not it the dark
It's just an idea
For an antidote
Solvents into liquid


I have a poisoned heart
I saw it's shadow in the landing
My hair was clogging up the sink
My father was studying by candlelight
Younger than me, listening to the wind

I met a girl who reads poems
Maybe I can show her what I've written here

About the poison of a poisoned heart.


I want to make it
I want to make it better
I want to be selfless, not selfish
In the light, not it the dark
It's just an idea
For an antidote
Solvents into liquid

My imagination is aging
deteriorating

How I need a mountain view
A sea, salty and blue


I want to be a free spirit


Open the box
See it from the outside

Outer body, outer mind


I want to be a free spirit


I've been here for such a long time
Knowing what's behind

How I need a mountain view
A sea, salty and blue

I want to be a free spirit

My name translates to friend

I see the many ways in which you ridicule me

The ways you shake the walls of my good home

The poison you administer

I see it all

But one thing I have

Is this

I'll come out on top

In a peaceful way

My name translates to friend

You can call me Ray



It's hard to stay away from those thoughts

Of letting lose

Nothing to lose

But I have everything

I took the blame

I walked in shame

I felt the pain


But one thing I have

Is this

I'll come out on top

In a peaceful way

My name translates to friend

You can call me Ray



I may not say it everyday

But that is what I mean

In that way

I am free

I've been spread thin over toast
Ready to eat
Will my mind and body ever meet?
Who is there to blame?
Will I see that smile again?
Show me the way
Open your gates

We made a line for you, mindful of our step
Up the perilous *****
While the sun made a line across the stone
And the lines of corn, like braids in the mountain, rustled under a blue sky
Moving slow against the compass

I've broken down like a little girl

But there's another girl flying high thru the sky
Wielding her sword of freedom
The one she fought every day for

And another who has set up a house
With two more girls in it
Each of them
With an executive mark

But I've broken down like a little girl
Looking and feeling all sad

And all my sadness is in my feet
and I can't move
In my head and I can't think

But the minute it stops
I'll be a man again

And I'll please that little girl

Desolation

I've got an obsession
The empty building
The empty room
Whistling a tuneless tune

A subterranean
Crying lonely tears
It's the only place I'm happy

Desolation

Grey skies make me smile
Silence is music
I could go a year without seeing anyone
Why is that so?


I'm so miserable
Those warm lights
And warm sounds thru the house
Make me feel strange

I have so many ideas
My brain could explode
I can hear the wind on the road
I can hear it when you smile

Turn off those lights
Turn down those sounds

Desolation

Juliet is at the door
Juliet wants to know more
She wants the details of the house
What's inside
Behind the windows

She has a lovely smile
I was a singing a wonderful song
And there she was a listening
All curious
With her bag over her shoulder
And her hair behind her ear

She tells me about her spouse
I tell her about the house
Every inch, every detail
Every secret a man can keep

She says she'll be back
It was nice to meet
She lives next door
But I never did see her anymore

Just a letter from the land lord
About his many eyes
And how our tenancy had shortened
To one week
No more

Stefanie's Guitar
Breaks off in a million shards
Its sound like a star
All angles of possibility
All directions
Light refracts, explodes, appears just to disappear
Beyond Stefanie's Guitar

I feel I'm moving against the current
Time and his characters
Fate and her fire
Trying to be infinity in a spot

Trying to make someone
With character
With fire
Who will stand the test of time

There is no button for me
Fast-forward, rewind
I'm yet to sing a song
By the campfire

The one that keeps burning
With stories and wonder
The one that can't be put out
The one I know is there

2 birds of prey
Not crossing each others line
A robin beside me in the tree
One singing where I can't see
When will they meet?
And see this life how it's meant to be seen?

Love I'm looking up at you
Give me vision
Talk with all the wisdom of the ages
Let this humble being be
I'm on my feet

I'm working thru the days
That play out like cards
Ever watching, busier that those busy bird notes

Love give me inspiration
Give me new truths and insights
And I'll float on them
Like candles down a river
Like candles down a river

I don't know
I don't know
That original sin
That desperate heart
Those new babies and I can't see what it means

Love I'm looking up at you
Give me vision
Talk with all the wisdom of the ages
Let this humble being be
I'm on my feet

When I'm stuck in the train door
With my guitar
You're there running to help
Pulling at the doors
I look for you in the crowd
I look for you in a new town
And I know you're there behind me
I can hear your braided hair
Thankyou

Your name means light
So lead the way with your smile tonight
We'll see what is true
We have to


Fumbling around for the keys
The diamonds in our dreams
The dead end streets



Where are all these people going?
What are they doing with their disappointment?
What am I doing with mine
I've been following the river
She's wrapped around me like a vine




Do some people know when they are to die?
Like the honourable who know it's the end of the night.
But not you and I




Let's do what we came here to do
I want to as much as you
Let's do what we came here to do
Separate the red green and blue

My biggest regret

It wasn't paying for ***
The shame and disappointment

It wasn't hurting myself as a teenager
Causing pain, leaving unsightly scars

It wasn't staying drunk and or high
For a decade or more

It wasn't alienating myself
From everyone

It was that time at the shopping centre
When I said I'd be there to catch you
And I watched my sister close her eyes
And fall backwards
While I laughed as she hit the floor

I'm trying to fix that
That important leak in my person
I'd concrete the world's surface if I had to

Music will save everyone

Because my dear child
There will always be a war somewhere

And it may even come close one day
Who knows which route insanity takes

But music will be there too

There will still be celebrations
Festivals and a reason to get together


War will always be there
The way the world is made to sustain it may never change
It has and will always affect us

But music will always be there

And it will save everyone

It will go unexpected
And underestimated
But you shouldn't

Because music will save everyone

Hot day, cooling down
Cold shower
Chill

Wordless, the cooking's all done
Rested
Good to be sitting
Curtains partially open
Shadowy lighted room
Clouds behind curtains
It's like what siesta time would be
A time for talking, no
A time where no talking is ok
The peaceful coming of day's end
Mum's quietly moving around the cupboards in the kitchen
The hard-drive is humming away
A car just drive down the court
My feet warm against the touch of wood
No disruptions

Her name was Serenity
She's a recurring theme
She drew everyone's attention
Because she walked around completely naked


I saw her first at university
Studying poetry

Then around the people and the music
The warehouses and the art



I saw her in the red light district too
Like me, she must have been two people too

She must have worked her way up, it seemed
And didn't have to take her clothes off
She was all clad in black
We said hello, making eye contact



Her name was Serenity
She's a recurring theme


I saw her at a festival, we kissed and she showed me things for free
It was like a bad dream





Her name was Serenity
She's a recurring theme

And there she is again
Smiling, she's in a good place
And I'm here too
Who was it? Who did that to us?
It was anybody's game

Like all artistic hearts, we felt that responsibility


Her name was Serenity
She's a recurring theme

After about a thousand days
It's not that they are all the same
But they are
So you have to put your best foot forward
With as much friendship and love
As you ever will have

The world will look to Australia one day
That Antipodean dream
Will be bigger than it's ever seemed

With a first nations Prime Minister
To lead the way
With a new view
For a new day

Hear what I say
The world will look to Australia one day
When she grows into her own
One day, one day

A new anthem
Deep and rich
With a breath of spirit
For all our living souls

The world will listen to her speak
A new language
That will go straight to your heart
Giving you life
Turning your world upside down

Hear what I say
The world will look to Australia one day
When she grows into her own
One day, one day

I woke up this morning feeling low down and *****
Like I don't deserve a thing

I woke up thinking about karma and love equations
And what would I deserve?

You could say it was selfish
You could say it wasn't true

But I want to shine like the sun
And chirp like the birds outside my window


I think about that beautiful smile
That exists just because

And I look at my hands that grab at the air
Like they always have

You could say it was selfish
You could say it wasn't true

But I want to shine like the sun
And chirp like the birds outside my window


In singing and songs and guitars with chords
I have a generosity

And I want everyone to know that I've always cared
That it's always there


You could say it was selfish
You could say it wasn't true

But I want to shine like the sun
And chirp like the birds outside my window


I once said I didn't want to come first
Because I was afraid I'd be clotheslined by the finishing line

If that's where the giving starts and the taking ends
I'll run around like a headless chicken


You could say it was selfish
You could say it wasn't true

But I want to shine like the sun
And chirp like the birds outside my window

I know at some point
We have to stop

Stop in the body
And let our imaginations take flight

Inhabiting eternities
Endlessnesses

But I want to get as close as possible

I'm drawn to the music
It's New Year's Eve
I turn around and there is a row of girls
Now it's a circle
Going round
And bigger again

The ******* her dad's shoulders
Is maybe 3
Looks right at me
And so does the girl
With dark skin and headscarf
As she joins the circle
And so does the old lady
Maybe 93
Where I can't see
Looks at me

It's New Year's Eve
There is a circle of girls

There was before and after
Before, there were only a few really going for it

But now almost everyone is
Especially the singers and musicians

There is no next time anymore
Waiting around is like writing letters on your tombstone

To break the spells, the heavy quicksand, the black clouds, the mud and dirt
That could **** a man, that has and will **** many more

We are a stampede
A stampede of need

Pushing ourselves ever more beyond our tiredness
Into energy and the unexpected

To not go out quietly in our sleep
And to be left with the weight of not having tried, with that headache from time immemorial

To be free to be free to be free, she sang

These are truthful days

Today is a write off
There must have been sand in the air
Because I could feel the rusty cogs squeaking stubbornly in my head
I didn't punch anything though
I've improved since childhood

Today is a write off
I raced home on the bike
Had a cold shower
Typed this
Now I'm going to turn off the computer and meditate

She was young wild and free
Dressed bare and pretty

Singing with her ukelele

She said
Did you say, am I free?

Because she didn’t belong to anyone else
She was young wild and free

I was thinking I needed inspiration

She was young wild and free

I shook her hand
grabbed her tight
She pushed and smiled

She was young wild and free

Dark eyes and dark hair
Tomorrow she could be anywhere

In a dress
Singing
without a care
Pretty and bare

She was young wild and free

Truth lived there
Making little noise
Speaking to few
“Just pretend I’m not here”