I try to be strong because you run when I am weak;
I can't show when I'm low, only when I peak.
I've become so terrified to let let any emotion seek
I'm now small, defenseless, meek.

Not enough for time
Broken for a head start
Indecisive comfort
Harder as the one to part

Genuine in a fallacy
Secrets from the heart
Unsure intimacy
Simplicity is a lost art

Risks too alive
Gone away for the smart
Silent explanation
No goodbyes for the depart

Bringing back memories from months ago
To be in love since this afternoon.

Wrapping my mind around rewards and consequences
To justify being there soon.

Using the truth of the near future as a lie
To appear as content as I tend to feel.

Avoiding urges that are quickly returned
To confirm my actions are real.

Opening blunt, censored thoughts
To explain sporadic running away.

Blocking and forgetting what forever is to be
To allow events to happen as they may.

A scene with a face in the mind,
Missing that feeling of some kind.
Remembering words of beauty and times,
Melodies of skies and rhymes.
Dancing to capture moments of bliss,
Experiencing more than able to miss.
Affection radiating from a look,
Not admitting how much he took.
Chest and mind held down as bait,
Truths to be told from the wait.

I can't tell you where I am
For us I never had a plan

Every time I'm about to reveal what I want to say
I harden up and push away
Because I only know how to keep myself at bay

I constantly want to tell you that I miss you
There will always be so much I want to do
To be re-engulfed in our own taboo
Everything we were starting before I withdrew

I speak vague because that's most sincere
When truth is my biggest fear
Cut my own voice off so thoughts will always be unclear
Because it's so much easier than to adhere
Simultaneously wishing and denying that these feelings reappear

And I wonder how the self-inflicted confusion began
The reasons why I habitually ran
Even after I realized you were the man
That I truly wanted hand in hand

I'm unaware of what you want to display
We both assume that it's all okay
But I'm only comfortable enough to leave communication grey

The terrifying feelings inside we're too afraid to let brew
When uncertainty is all we've ever been through

It's been a while,
And a while just turned into forever.
But because you were young
We all thought you'd just get better.

Reality strikes
To prove that we're not invincible,
Showing that going to treatment to rid a disease
Isn't that simple.

At 26 we're told that we haven't yet lived,
That we're still insignificant.
If this is true, why are you so missed,
Why did you leave such an imprint?

But despite this loss we have to believe that life just goes on,
That the rest of us left behind have other challenges to face.
We're told that we'll recover
And that life's flow will restore it's pace.

You were insane, entertaining, free, and so much more.
When we say you'll live in our memories it isn't a lie.
But to the man whose very soul we find to inspire
We are forced to say Goodbye.

Near as near can seem
Hazy all in a dream
Opposed to the regime

Satisfied in make believe
Simplicity in the naive
Hallucination to relieve

The sore on my neck,
The mark that you left,
Not a thing that I regret.