See they say love hurts,
But with you?
Love was simple
It was you and me
Love was simple
Until it was your words on the blade
Until every move of yours
Tore me apart
We turned nothing into something
And right back to nothing we went
See but you say
I’m still here for you
But you’re moving around
Free and happy
I’m standing still
I'm stuck on the memories
I’m stuck on the thought of you
On what we used to be
You tell me once again
I’m here for you
But where the **** are you at 4 a.m.
When i’m lying on the bathroom floor
Gasping for air
Where the **** are you
When i’m throwing up
Because my body isnt enough
not enough for me not enough for others
Where the **** are you when the blade is kissing my skin
When i see you my entire body changes
And this sweatshirt is too hot
But you tell me my smile is pretty
So i can’t let you see what you don’t know
because all you know are scars
but thats not all to see
You tell me you’re proud i’m getting better
I’m getting better at hiding it.
Just like you’re getting better
At pretending i don’t exist
I guess i won the i love you more game

The sun does me not good today
Just as it did me no good the day before
As it glistens
On the crumpled beer cans

And bleaches the pavements,
Exposing
Every hairline crack

It shows no mercy;
Shining its torch
On the busy street corner

Everything looked better
In the rain

But as i hear
The man
Singing his song

And watch the puppy
Sunbathe
In the park

I know that i am,
Alone
In my ingratitude

And the sun will keep shining
The sun will keep setting
And keep rising
Yes it will keep to

With or without me
And with or without you

I toss this
Past my eyes of death
Eyes, seen too much

I want to feel again
I want the fast heart beat
The sweaty palms
The shaky legs
I want to be familiar
With the feeling of blood,
Pumping through my veins
I want the near death cliché
The thought of losing everything
To mourn my love, feel the ache
Feed the ache
Instead, all i know is the jealousy
That you are able to sleep forever
Knowing you’re missed
I want to feel again
See the light in the dark
Feeling my heart
Restart.
I want to feel happy
I want to feel sad
I want to feel angry
I want to feel calm
I want to feel.

The walls are getting closer,
I don’t know how to feel
You’re the shoulder i cry on
But you’re the force enclosing me.
I’m not sure why i hold on,
I closed the door
But you clawed your way through the brick walls
You give me reason after reason to leave
Yet here i stand
In front of you
Emotionally naked
Bare.
You stare at me, as i stare at you
You look like what we used to be
So here i stand
Arms wide open
While you move on.

Too many times
I’ve wrapped myself in promises
It was all ripped apart at the seams
And i know everyone is reaching desperately for someone else
But I am getting sick of being the only loose thread
I'm losing my heart
I'm losing my mind
I lost you
You are there and i am here
It should have been me
My heart can no longer stay at rest
Knowing a loved one is no longer at their best
Your pain
That i would gladly digest
I come forward to confess

The carelessness in your eyes
It rips me apart
It is a constant reminder of who you no longer are
Your eyes that were gentle and caring towards the world
Vanished,
As did your clarity,
Fogged, by the drink of sins.
Fogged, by the sins you endlessly drink
But now
I am holding you,
Loosely
So that you can breathe
And live
I am holding you,
Loosely
So that the space between us
Is the air that draws us closer
Like a moth to the flame
I am holding you,
Loosely
So that these arms
Form your wall
I am holding you,
Loosely
Because one cannot hold tight to the wind of angel
Loosely
Because our love is not the love held in hands
Our love cannot be possesses, only thought of
I am holding you,
No more.

as i walk through ghost town
i wonder,
has anyone ever left?
or do you all stay to forever rest?
as i walk through ghost town
i cannot describe the invisible shadows
as i walk through ghost town
draw trails
of circles in my skin
just curl me up
and take me in
as i walk through ghost town
nobody seems to approach the ache
they need it to be fake
as i walk through ghost town
there are no ghost to see
but they are all unaware of the ghosts in me
as i walk through ghost town
i get ****** into the the dark alley
feelings comforted by darkness
fearing light
and fearing sights
as i would through ghost town
seeing eyes
that do nothing but judge
smiles that do nothing but mock
cackles that do nothing  but laugh
as i walk through ghost town
01/27/16