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Gracie Leininger Apr 2017
I am alive and dead
I wonder if i will ever feel again
I hear voices that aren't there
I see you laugh at me
I want to be okay
I am alive and dead

I pretend to be happy
I feel nothing
I touch you and i feel beautiful
I worry you’ll leave like everyone else
I cry to cope with the slow death that has begun to control me
I am alive and dead

I understand I’m worthless
I say I’m fine
I dream of monsters, and wake up to them
I try to make you happy
I hope you don’t cry when i’m gone
I am alive and dead.
Gracie Leininger Apr 2017
it's a canvas of negative emotion
the smile engraved on my face
the black hole within me
i dont want it anymore
so please
take it away
but i don't know how
to say goodbye
to this feeling
without saying goodbye
to life
you either win
or die trying
im afraid to lose
but even more afraid to win
Gracie Leininger Apr 2017
I am alone
Walking down an alley
Helpless, in search for a friendly face
I am surrounded by boundless emptiness
I see darkness
I hear silence
I feel death
Creeping up

If you have ever felt
The pain of air
Scratching its way up
To get to your dried up lungs
You know how alone feels
You hear the voices too
You are familiar with the 3 a.m.thoughts
The ones that rip you apart
Thought by thought
Scar by scar
Tear by tear
Cell by cell
Life
By
life
Gracie Leininger Jan 2017
Give and take
In and out
With every breathe

They wanted me to be normal,
Happy and kind.
They never thought,
That this girl would be blind.

Not blind by the meaning,
But blind in the heart.
Blinded by darkness,
Blinded by dark.

She walks around lifeless,
Her heart beating but dead.
A walking corpse
she is lost inside her head.

Things have no meaning,
At least not anymore.
She is not who she was
Who she was once before

She is one of the living
But one of the dead
A walking corpse
She is lost inside her head
Gracie Leininger Nov 2016
Woah
She woke up
To find that
Everything that kept her sane
And all the things she knew best
Were never real.
Were they all in her dream?
Did you take them when you pulled her apart?
She used to wake up with you by her side
She can still feel your light kisses
Making their way up her fragile body
Those familiar marks
Made her feel powerful
Til you threw them
Into an abyss of oh too familiar darkness
Every breath that enters my body
Is poisonous
Not poisonous by it’s meaning
But poisonous at the touch
I react poorly
to the slightest bit of movement
I used to be so content
With this thing we call love
Until it turned to bruises and cries
Until it turned into hate
That you elected to call love
So no more do i feel love
No more do i know love
Because you chose to hurt me
Over and over again
Until i had no more tears to cry
And no more strength to yell back
You taught me wrong
Because love is a beautiful thing
That i can no longer know
Gracie Leininger Nov 2016
Is reality real?
Is this real?
Are you real?
What if this is heaven
And everything we’ve known to be true
Was never there
Was never real
Maybe that's why bones heal
And pain eventually goes away
Because it is heaven


Life is just a big question
Made up of an infinity amount of other questions
But what if this is hell
What if we’ve been punished for something we don't even know about
Maybe that's why bones break
And why pain always seems to find us
Is there a way out?
If we aren't real
And we die
Do we become real
Or do we become a memory nobody will really remember?
Everyone is only familiar with the life they live
And they worry about what is being said about who
But what if we took the time to help ourselves and help us
This unhinged world could be everything we’ve dreamed for
But then again
This could be the dream
This could be heaven
It could all be fake
For heaven’s sake
This could be hell.
Gracie Leininger Oct 2016
I am alive and dead
I wonder if i will ever feel again
I hear voices that aren't there
I see you laugh at me
I want to be okay
I am alive and dead

I pretend to be happy
I feel nothing
I touch you and i feel beautiful
I worry you’ll leave like everyone else
I cry to cope with the slow death that has begun to control me
I am Alive and dead

I understand I’m worthless
I say I’m fine
I dream of monsters, and wake up to them
I try to make you happy
I hope you don’t cry when i’m gone
I am alive and dead.
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