It was six AM and it was one AM
We spoke in silence
and whispers from the sheets
She told me she felt disgusting
I held my gut and buried my head
Oceans...
She called before and I slept poorly
a thousand iterations of her voice
That swarmed my painfully ****** mind
Oceans between us...
I mentioned puzzle pieces
and alluded to something like a movie
She questioned my rambling
and I closed my eyes, listened to the fireworks
She met other boys
ghosts in the bad dreams haunting
Memories of Jordan
memories of Jorie
memories of Mimi, Annie and the rest
More oceans between us

  I feel so disconnected

I wished I was dead so I couldn't hear her again
but I've wished this before and nothing
Maybe her eyes could pierce my heart
but her eyes wander, and I wonder where she is
She's sounding scared
I'm apathetic by nature, I wish I could wish I wasn't
Are you blinded by the dangerous
because I am too
Are you flailing listlessly into existence
because I understand
Are you feeling better
because I want that

are you
because I am

It's a recurring scene
the unavailable, the broken and the best
I'm drifting away and it's a world in that ocean
You're with me today in hazy faded memories
and I laugh when I think of your laugh

I really shouldn't fall in love
with somebody who
can't love me back
because...
It's so far to Missouri and flights are expensive
So I'll sit in my sadness
and dream of you

Hell is being drunk before eleven o'clock on a weekday morning
but the shade of some tree is solace in the summer sleeping
He left money on the side counter
so she smoked a bowl as his shadow drifted through the door frame
and she drifted too, only into the bed and back to sleep
crying in her dreams

Support your local drug dealer, **** your local poets
Protest the local governance
and burn your houses to the ground

We don't need them anymore, not where we're going

So rise to your feet and sweep away the apathy
this is a call to arms, your swollen scarred weather-beaten arms
Take your loved ones and dispel your desires
the Id  and Ego will die soon
and we can bury them beneath the beetroot
blood red desires of the human psyche dissipate
All your instinct are an lies
Here in lies,
a truth you despise
Oh, the world in your eyes
After death, again we can rise

Yep, that’s me,
Totally and absolutely ******!
(Are totally and absolutely the same?)
Sure they are, proves my point!
Victim of my own frustration,
I put down the bottle,
******, but not entirely stupid.
Well, ‘not entirely’ says a lot.
Am I alone in this?
Nah, many often realise,
They are utterly *******,
But they keep on,
Bending over in life,
Taking it up the ****,
Screaming in pain,
Wailing at the world.
Untill they see, notice,
Begin to understand,
They may be crushed,
Battered down, diminished,
Embattled by little things,
But it could be worse.
Much, much worse, indeed,
They shed the depression,
Wipe away the tears,
Nurture their damaged soul,
Learn, progress, live,
Yep, that’s me.

© Paul Chafer 2014