Everyone told me drugs were bad
and I should just stay away from them
because the thugs and the other people who do drugs
are addicts and scary and hopeless and numb
and addiction is something you can't outrun
so I swore to myself when I was young
that I'd never become one
my father chose alcohol to make himself big
he told me "they don't leave like your mother did"
it was so confusing as an eight year old kid
to hide everything out of instinct
because he gets so loud at me when he drinks
and I couldn't wait for when he passed out so he can't cuss
and that was every night of his weekends with us
put on a movie for your daughters and get drunk
it was something we accepted and didn't discuss
now I'm sixteen
and for less than a week
and I forgot to take my doses
and now the world is out of focus
I'm under some kind of hypnosis
I'm explosive, I'm psychosis
feeling little to no emotion
all because I forgot to notice
the bottle of Wellbutrin
so for days my head just spins
and I'm coming down from it
and withdrawals are *******
and in this haze I feel like the vicim
and it's all in my head so I can't cure the sickness
and this illusion of stability is so ******* twisted
because without these drugs I become so distant
it's the only thing in my life that stays consistent
and I realize that this is what they meant by "addiction."
draft from September 2015