It's really hard to see the world when you cant even leave the house.
No im not staring at your ***'s just admiring the uhh fabric of that blouse.

Mickey mouse sure is a ***** since he started doing crack.
Put minnie out on the street.
Daisy's out there to ?
im not even gonna say what I seen her do with pluto
but i want my money back.

Crystal **** and coffee starbucks really has changed.
Really Tommy  stop slipping your sister the tongue.
Really dont look at it as lynched prisoner why not think of it as
well hung.

Im sorta demented and well just not right
everyone admits.
I hope this isnt to forward but hey can i see your ***'s
You can swear you were just drunk sweetheart but Gonzo
never forgets.

Hey thank God for night vision and my sugar's drunken mother.
Boy naked twister sure is awkward.
Watching three mules with sister Sara and my wife's
kinda well sensitive brother.

Im one of a kind  thank the lord.
A pervert of  the ages.
Gotta thank my mom and dad  and jack dainels
such magic was created that night in back of
the sizzler  in that old ford.

Im a old G and not the spot.
Drinking till my liver kicks out.
Heaven isnt my style besides everyone knows
its in hell my wicked mind shall forever rot.

He  should be banned every pen named
complaining time of the month  *****  submits.
If ya hate me your wasting your time sugar britches.
Keep on talkin  cause kidies Gonzo never forgets

In bed while you and your little minx snuggle smoosh and snore.
Im usally  ******* outta my mind.
So why not reach for the phone  cause  im tired of a same old
conversation with the floor.

One ring, two rings, four.
Bet she's off  *******  some lucky *******.
Who's this 3423  wait wrong number i knew
my angel wasnt just some cheap *****.

The rooms  running in circles course maybe thats just me.
Hey wonder what tommys up to.
Dude what you so ****** about?
It's  not my fault after you dated my
sister you can light a forrest fire with your ***.

Another shot of Jack okay maybe ten.
And much like like grandpa on ****** .
My ***** thoughts mentally aroused again.

On a quest i called  Rebecca ,Taylor,Mickey,Minnie and
some drag queen named  Tina , or Sue
Baby many  hangovers will probaly not recall my journey
drunk dialing my way back to you.

Spin the  the bottle with next door neighbors  dog.
Watching youtube  such high class watching a monkey
***** a frog.

Alvin and the chipmunks  sure dont sing as good
in *** of boiling water.
Sure was awkward  asking my cousin is it okay
if I date your daughter.

911 i have a emergency im gonna run outta beer  and the VCR
ate my ****.
Help honey im lost  and i feel ive been ***** by Justin Bieber  and
the other children of the corn.

Officer   it's kinda strange to ask for number  he just blew.
Honey  i got fleas and i think  something worse than Bieber fever
I hope this is love for im drunk dialing my way back to you.

Hello who's this  um if you dont know  I'll give ya a guess.
Im the G but not the spot.
But they say after a few drinks and some minor head trauma
im really hot.

Hey Skeeter  if your in bed then who the **** am I callin?
Jesus  , Charlie  Chaplin , Mr Ed,  And that  loveable Stalin.
looks like Ive had to many crystal **** rice crispi treats.
Yeah I know   I should have my own show  on the food channle.
For  all the plump *******  showing them really healthy eats.

Sugar **** my quest   was much like *** with a  normal person
yeah no whips, chains, police chase's   or  romantic music by 2 live crew.
Yes sugar it's no wonder you didnt answer the phone.
Btw I puked under the bed  dont worry it was the neighbors
All while drunk dialing my way back to you.

Passed out on a diffrent floor.
Honey  I know I didnt call  but i thinks aliens  abducted me
cause my **** is glowing and **** is  sore.

Jack Daniels  is my designated driver.
Im a pervert in trainning.
Five ex wives,  ten affairs  and a slipped disk  in my back you
go tiger.

A permanet batchelor  and  permanet offender oh how very sad.
Shake your head say what you will.
But if we were good who would be bad.

Im so fargone i have no choice but to stay crazy.
Sure i remember your name.
Rebecca ,Sarah, Vicky, Susan, it's gotta be one of thoose
wait let me see oh yes Daisy.

Just outta rehab boy i could use a drink!
Do i know Lindsy?
Got drugs?
what the **** do you think?

It's  cold outside and for a overpriced beer  and a stripclub i always
thirst.
Outta all the voices in my head  im pretty much the worst.

im not your next door neighbor isnt your  liqour  cabinet, your daughter, your wife ,your grandma  pretty much everyone and you included glad?
Change my ways sugar ***'s?
What we must ask   children  if i was good than  how the **** could ever be this bad.