may i,
in hushed tones,
confess
how my heart aches
for you
and you alone
when we are apart?

may i,
in a quiet moment,
confess
how your hand feels
so soft
and delicate
between mine?

may i,
when silence befalls us,
confess
how you've changed me
wholly
and so effortlessly
made me complete?

may i,
when all is silent,
confess
how you've become
my best
and most cherished
friend?

your hands wrapped around mine
fingers tangled
hips bruised
the taste of sweat on your throat
and along your thighs
you're magnificence personified
with your golden skin
and nighttime hair
each taste of you sends me
reeling
into my heaven
i love you

your hands wrapped around mine
words smeared
lies told
the taste of blind belief in my mouth
and in the words i swallow
you're deceit personified
with your innocent face
and your easy lies
each line you speak sends me
hopeful
into my dreams
i believe you

your hands wrapped around mine
heart beating
lungs bruised
the taste of pennies in my mouth
and on my thigh
you're betrayal personified
with your flashing eyes
and your hateful mouth
each word you say sends me
scrambling
into my corner
i hate you

wrists bruised
bones shattered
blood spilled
i am
conquest
famine
war
death
wrapped up in pale skin
with cold, tired eyes
teeth ground together
as i try to keep
these words inside
i do not want this
i do not want this
but the responsibility rests
on my shoulders alone
so i carry the weight of
the broken hearts
i have left in my wake
mine is there
underneath my feet
trampled and bleeding
no no no
i am not alone
this is not only my fault
i have broken my own heart
but you played accomplice to
the destruction i wrought

stop
put a bullet in them
these doubts
that will never sleep

stop
cut this tie
the one that binds
the darkness to my heart

stop
burn those bridges
they keep me going back
to the past

stop
don't go
please stay
i'm afraid i cannot do this alone

stop
no don't
i will be brave
and find my way

my blackness is
oozing out through
my pores
visible though i try my
damnedest to hide it
it's showing my true colors
it's laying all my weakness
bare to your view
i'm terribly sorry
i'm not as advertised
i disappoint myself
so don't worry
if i disappoint you
i understand that i'm not
desirable
or typically wanted
my baggage is far too heavy
and i wouldn't wish that
on anyone
especially a perfectly lovely
gentle and kind
soul such as yours

i wish
i never met you
that i left it at hello
that when you confessed how you felt
i had ignored it

i wish
i hadn't kissed your soft lips
or learned the ways you melt
felt your skin slide against mine
or felt your fingers touch me so intimately

i wish
i didn't know how you sounded when
i made you moan
that you didn't know how to
turn me into a puddle of desire

i wish
you hadn't lied to me
that you hadn't betrayed my trust
that i had been enough
i didn't make you so sad for so long

i wish
you still wanted me
that i didn't want you anymore
that i didn't crave you
we could relive our last moments together

i wish
your name didn't sting
our memories weren't tainted by lies
i didn't overthink everything
or could forget you

i'm trying
i'm trying
i'm not enough
i hurt without thought
i damage
i injure
i'm too much
i don't deserve anything
but the pain of
aloneness
rejection
i deserve that
the darkness that comes with
loneliness
why am i like this?
why am i
me?