i want too much or
nothing at all
there is no in between
and i shatter my bones
trying to find
balance
it swings back at me
like a rubber band
sharp
and painful
and reminds me of
all the selfish desires
i have
bruised heart and dark needs
i ask too much
i ask too much
i cannot stop
leaving a trail of damaged souls
and bloodied bodies in my wake
someone stop me
anyone

darkness
can be tempting
i know
it's far too easy
to allow yourself to fall
deep into that chasm
but let the light reach you
don't let the dark night
trouble your tender heart
instead
allow the morning sun
to show you
the beauty in this world
in your own beating heart
and prove that all
is indeed
well

brick and mortar
foundations crumbling
a castle no more
this is a broken home
the vines have grown outward
wrapping their strangling
tendrils
around everything
good and bad
it's all the same
destruction holds no bias
as it slowly tears apart
what was once a safe place
nothing is protected anymore
with no roof or walls or
windows
everything will be exposed
and the desolation will
continue
to make it's way through
everything i hold dear
how do i stop it
i'm helpless
how do i stop it

no longer a child
i'm a shadow of who
i was
and who i should be
i don't feel part of
myself anymore.
i am changing
or have i become
stagnant?
i can't tell what is
happening to my soul
but i miss who i was
and who i should be.
hoarded memories and
photos of a girl
i barely recognize.
was i happy?
am i happy?
my heart is saying one thing;
my mind, another.
i'm lost.
i'm found.
i'm aimless.

i feel too big for this body
the universe couldn't contain me
how could i expect your heart
to be large enough
for the being that i am

if only you knew
how beautifully
you
destroyed
me

i want to feel
something
anything
please touch me
my hand
my shoulder
my throat
your fingers around it
bruised flesh
dark and light
clashing for anyone to see
i offer it to you
willingly
or
if nothing else
a knife blade agains
pale soft
skin
red spilling from my veins
it will make me feel
alive
and then i'll know
that this pain isn't
for nothing