Sometimes I feel

I’m past the worst

My heart is healing 

Mended 

Scarred but still mine

Then I wake from an

Afternoon nap

And my head is full of you

My heart cracks open 

Like a glass jar

Shattered from the drop

Of remembering

And it’s starting anew

Repairing and

Replacing 

The chipped away portions 

Of my soul

I was scared

Terrified really
To let you see the real me

I had made so many mistakes

And my soul was bruised

Battered

Full of anger 

And world weary

But you held your hand out

Encouraging me to speak

To bare my soul

And so I did

Letting each piece of my armor

Chip away until I stood

Raw and naked 

My heart exposed and

My soul uncovered

You watched and listened

Examining each corner of me

While I waited 

With shaking hands 

And knots in my stomach

Then you smiled

And laughed 

And told me it wasn’t all that bad

Your sun reached 

The very depths of my soul

Lighting those dark parts

I thought were long gone

And warming the coldness that

I had let consume me

Until I was shining 

And light

Happiness personified

And that’s when I found myself

In your brown eyes

And your goofy smile

In your gasping laugh and

Your perfect hugs

And I never once looked back.

Today I realized
That you weren't
On my mind
In my heart

Not once
Not at all

Until I stood still long enough
For you
To creep back inside

For a full day
I was free
And happy
Unburdened by your betrayal

I want that
I need it
I will have it

So today I will say goodbye
And let you go
Once and for all

there's an emptiness in my chest
that cannot be filled
i've know
i've tried

i've filled it with liquor
with empty promises
with kisses that meant nothing

i've filled it with images of lovers
with new things
with anger and hate

i've filled it with touches from others
with memories
with temporary distractions

each has fallen away
slipped through the gap
and left me
wanting
and needing more

at times the hole has grown
others it has shrunk
but still it stays
day in and night out
leaving me feeling
uncomfortable in my own skin

so i will continue to work
to search and to test
to find something that will
finally make me whole

Quiet and reserved,
They assume that I'm made of
Ice and rain.
Little do they know
There is fire inside of me.

Flames rushing from my heart,
Nearly bursting from my fingertips.
It's quick and searing; a wolf,
Made of smoke and white hot ash.
I see everything.
I feel too much, too deeply.

Emotions are amplified.
Pain. Joy. Sorrow. Anger. Fear.
They linger, feeding the ardent creature,
Filling him with what he needs to
Protect me.
Each one is distinct in the impact
They have on the beast inside.

The wolf howls, cries out,
Longing to be shown to the world.
I keep him hidden only in the
Desire to protect that part of myself.
Because should something happen
To that wolf, that fiery beast,
I would be lost.

So I will silently rage,
Burning, smoldering in my chest.
My mask will be calm
While my eyes show the fire,
The snarling wolf,
Only to those who take the
Time to notice

There you are
Quiet
Still
A smile
Light

A red thread
Links us
Heart to heart
Soul to soul

There I am
I feel as though
I can breathe
For the first time
In months

Each moment feels
Effortless
Unrestrained
Insecurities forgotten
Safe

You are a lockbox
A safe room
Comfort
And ease
Reprieve from dark places

My words float to you
And I know they are
Treasured
Secure
Guarded

My gratitude
Knows no end

The word floods my veins,
Fills me with so many emotions.
Not one of them pleasant.

Regret -
For letting you into
My heart, my life.

Pain -
For each wound you
Left behind

Betrayal -
For all the lies you
Fed me
Which I so readily believed

Sorrow -
Because you let me go
Without a second thought

Anger -
For the time I wasted
The effect you
still have


You promised me so much
You promised me "always"
And followed through on
So little

Is it any wonder
The word makes me
Burn
Ache
Die just a little?