The wind sighed
Forget.
Wet whistled lips
as teeth scrape along
to force a suppressed whisper
fabricated into a command
pleading with an element strong.
As the wind's breath
                                       takes and rips
two syllables before her
with no lines left to play the part.
                                   Empty.                                                    she stands there
threads of herself whirling
like hair in her face.
As the draft increases
and catches her on broad wings,
through the clouds
                                              to reach the sun
and fall to earth                                                            ­                                 Because she flew too close.
Close enough to feel the heat
Close enough to watch her tips singe
catch flame as her body neared the fringe      .      and let go       .      so close enough to feel the bliss
                                        Blistering.
       ­                                                           She screamed.
Searing.                                   Straining.  ­                                Suffocating.
                                                    ­                    In pain.
As her wings melted
dashing her towards the ground                                                           ­                             to impact
                                                                ­         hard dirt.
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                 The earth mumbled
                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                      *Regret.

I just needed someone to talk to
A shoulder to cry on
An open ear to hear my worries or
Just talk about life in general.

Surrounded by family, friends, social media
You would think that would be easy to find.
I guess it was - I found you
(or you found me, when I was searching).

I said the right thing at the right time;
or it meant something important to you;
or you said the right thing
about what it meant to me -
whatever the case may be -
We met.  We talked.  We opened our deepest archives.
I told you things I never revealed to anyone.
I guess I felt my secrets were safe with you;
I guess I trusted you.

You seemed to understand me.
You treasured the new perspectives I shared with you.
You wanted what I could give you -
that you never had before.
You needed something to hold onto:
Hope; security; belonging.

I had nothing to hide from you,
I just wanted to talk.
You were a blank canvas that I could paint all of my life's experiences on.
A fresh paint - The pictures were clearer to you.
You were amazed, astounded by my originality, genuineness.
You said you could fall in love with me.
I told you not to - we couldn't help it though.

You loved me selfishly - you needed me almost every minute of every day.
You asked things of me that others had asked for & been denied.
But for some reason, I wanted to give those things to you.
Where once I disguised my heart, or kept it tightly locked up & hidden,
You made me strip off every layer that hid it,
I stripped my heart "Naked" for you - unprotected, vulnerable, defenseless.

You were badly wounded & beaten
by so many who "hated" you from your past.
I wanted to heal your wounds.
I am a caretaker,
A nurturer, a healer.
You trusted me.
Gradually, the pain of your past lessened:
The joy of your possible future = the salve.

As I, you needed a shoulder - I gave you both.
I carried you - you became heavy.
As long as I had the strength or the means or the will
You were happy, content, cooperative.

Really what did I ask of you? Just one simple request.
You could not agree.
I don't fault you for that -
We all have free will.
But I LITERALLY gave you EVERYTHING!!!
Interest-free...

Music? Should I be inspired
By what moves someone else's heart?
I don't know them,
I thought I knew you.
I was wrong.

I said it wouldn't happen,
I wouldn't let it happen;
I warned you that it could:
But I resented that you expected what I gave you!
Only after I told you that I had to draw the line
Did you say you should never have asked.
But you did? You never refused.
I always said yes...

...Until today.
Our last goodbye.
The pain faded fast,
Quickly followed by the realization
That you used me!!
You got All you needed from me.

And you may think I received nothing from you,
But you gave me lots:
Another wound to heal,
Another lesson learned,
Another failed attempt to save someone who is already dead.
Another mistake,
Another story to tell,
Another poem to write,
Another mystery for me to unravel -
about why I always let this happen to me,
why I always give so much to get so little.
What does it really do for me?

I LOVED THE IDEA OF BEING YOUR "EVERYTHING" - I LOVED THAT YOU NEEDED ME - I LOVED THAT YOU WANTED & DESIRED ME - I LOVED THAT I WAS THE ONLY GOOD THING IN YOUR LIFE - I LOVED BEING ABLE TO SHARE MY KNOWLEDGE WITH YOU - I LOVED HOW MUCH YOU ENVIED ME - I LOVED CRYING WHEN YOU HURT ME (BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT IT MEANT MY LOVE WAS REAL) .......

*I loved being strong enough to walk away for the last time........

:   i have realized something

          :   i have realized the distilled essence of all of my desires

          :   is simply to be able to Love you

          :   or, more honestly, that you would be able to let me Love you


          :   and i have realized something else

          :   i have realized that this desire of mine

          :   to be free to Love you completely

          :   with neither regret nor remorse

          :   will never be fulfilled


          :   and so now i have a choice


          :   i can let go of this desire

          :   to save myself

          :   from constant rejection and disappointment

          :   i can accept that you will never let me Love you

          :   the way that i want to

          :   the way that i try to

          :   i can let go of this desire

          :   accept my fate

          :   and simply stop trying


          :   or


          :   i can take it

          :   i can endure

          :   and keep Loving you

          :   knowing full-well that Loving you means

          :   an oft-broken heart


          :   and i have realized one more thing

          :   one final thing

          :   that for a life spent Loving you

          :   You

          :   for that I can be

          :   for that I will be

          :   for that, I am


          :   Strong

Imagine this:

Sitting ignorant in your infancy,
In the place you call your home
Your father sits and comforts you
Saying "I shall never leave you alone".
Then all of a sudden a sounds erupts,
Knocking at your door.

A violent thrashing, consuming the joy that had once warmed your spirit,
Your fear kicks in, so you cover your eyes as you cannot bear to hear it.

Your father gone, nowhere to be seen,
You think he's abandoned you
You begin to scream.
Your screams echo the house,
Emotion not withheld,
But while your screams and cries occur,
The sound of silence begins to stir
The sound of what once threatened your soul,
Has turned out to be no more.

Your father gone so you begin to resent him,
And you fail to realise the sacrifice given,
For without his grace, now where would you be?
Buried deep in the ground?
Deep in the sea?
One day we all shall not fail to see
How much was given for you and for me.

The war is not over, but victory's won,
By the love of the Father
The love of the Son.

In the thunder and rain,
You hear your new wife calling,
Although she's not your wife yet,
Some would call it wishful thinking.
You did promise her though
to sweep her off her feet,
and not put her down
No not to put her down,
But to take her high up,
without any fear of ever falling back down.

She would say you're like Superman,
But with no red pants,
And a caramel skin tone.
You would say you're like Batman,
Protector of your life,
Saviour of your wife,
And when you're not at home
Her courage when you're gone.

Every time I write these words
I only think about you,
However much I say I love you
She says it sounds absurd.
Not that she doesn't love me back
but her love for me she thinks I can't match.
Like the contours on a Rolex watch,
Or the exclusive Cheetah's spots,
What she is, is my Kelly's '12 Play'
I could listen to her lyrics all day,
and at the dusk just to hear her say:
I love you, I need you,
Boy there wouldn't be another to replace you,
Man don't that sound sweet,
Like a siren's song
With peace instead of danger,
She's the perfect melody.

She can do no wrong,
Every night I swear I'll tell her,
Believe it you can quote me.