I have so many wishes for you little one. But you will make your own wishes. So today I ask these things for you.
May you grow in grace and truth, in wisdom and in love.
May you have a humble, teachable spirit and a compassionate heart.
May you be blessed with common sense, good humor and fun, and a love of life.
You’ll need patience and a forgiving spirit too, especially being the little brother.
But above all these things the most we can hope for, is for you to be your own true self.
To take all the gifts that you were born with and make them marvels of beauty and ingenuity and astonishment.
You are so new to this, and for now you are content with such a little world, discovering the air, the light and the blur of faces.
But everyday expands your universe and I promise to share your joy.
I promise to get down on my knees and examine the ants in the dirt;
I promise to find the amazement in a shaft of sunlight, in a bird, in a fish, and a coloured puddle.
I promise to see the humour when you apply oodles of mud and paint on your freshly dressed little body.
I promise to understand your determined opposition to the order of things in general, for ever doing the wrong thing, at the wrong time, in the wrong place, and in the wrong way…because it isn’t wrong at all, it’s just your way.
And as you grow older, I promise that no biting, stinging word of mine, no inadvertent word of bitterness or sarcasm, jealousy or malice, will poison or diminish the joyous, loving, laughing gift I have in you.

At least, I promise to try.

I promise to always be here when you need me, as long as you need me, as comfort, refuge, breathing space, and as a non-judgmental ear.
I promise to care for you, and protect you from harm until you are grown, and then I promise I will let you fly free.

But loving you - I will do all my life.

A promise of sunsets
a dream that came true
and all of the wishes
I caught here for you
my first born, my cherub
my blue-eyed child
I sought out your name
from the wet and the wild

Be free mommy's faery
don't forget who you are
you're as precious and rare
as a gold shooting star
and when people wonder
about what I called you
tell them you're as tranquil
as Kariba is blue.

A whisper of water
falling on skin
mirrored with rainbows
when the sun gets let in
you may be the second
child that I named
but you're as fiery and passionate
as a forest untamed

My imp, my changeling
my brown-eyed dream
you're the eclipse of the sun
with a dewy moonbeam
Be happy my pixie
live up to your name
be as warm and as gentle
as the first summer rain

At the edge the earth cracks
burning amber and azure blue
high on the world here
above the clouds
my memory caresses
sweet thoughts of you!

Your hair the shade of a raven's back
your eyes like pools of gold
your smile as tender as a baby's touch
leave a thousand truths untold

Your hands, the creator
of strength and warmth
your taste, so bitter sweet
your scent lingers lovingly
in places where we'd meet.

Smiling now I realise
I'll always belong to you
Not because you made me stay
but because I wanted to

The graveyard seems so empty as I move amongst the dead
ivy nestles to the rock above someone's final bed
The words upon the tombstone burrows deep into my mind
I trace the crippling letters not sure of what I'll find....

The Epitaph is written, in this , our final call
the justice of the sinners lies embossed on rotting walls
words that lay upon the stone become the texture of a life
just twenty words to tell a tale, is this the basic price?

I hear the silent echo coming somewhere deep within
is this my final hour or the birth of all my sin?
What words would people put here and raise above my head
to resemble all that I once was to console me when I'm dead?

What tragedy will bring me here to have my concluding rest?
will all the ones that stay behind realise it was a lonely quest
would words that bide here chiselled into cold and bitter rock
say everything I need to say but know that I cannot?

My Epitaph is nothing it remains a blank grey slate
I haven't seen the fires of hell, no chance at heaven's gate
But the words upon my tombstone are ready for the grail
'tis time to draw the curtain
and hammer the saving nail

What did you leave there under the tree?
a gift for a loved one?
a present for me?
what will I find there
if I undid the bow?
(maybe it's safer that I do not know!)

You hand me the box wrapped up in red
the look in your eyes
all wasted and dead
still I open the parcel you place in my hands
a gift for a person
you can't understand!

And out come your wishes
your dreams and desires
I watch them grow lifeless
and finally expire
So thanks for the present
but I can't accept it you see
it's not the kind of gift
I would've given to me

You peel away my human skin
to expose the form inside
not allowing me to crawl away
to that place it's safe to hide.

You touch my waking spirit
with your sense of make believe
not allowing in the splinters
of the place I go to grieve.

You breathe an air of wisdom
into a heart of melted ice
and warm the coldest corners
without telling me the price.

You hold me in your layers
absorbing shadows of my soul
by needing me to keep you close
you somehow make me whole.

I promise I'm forever
I cannot go away
for I am but a flower
in the garden where you play.

Bring me tulips in shades of purple
or lilacs if it's spring
bring me laughter & simplicity
or birds with gossamer wings
Bring me moonlight at its fullest
and no lies, as if there's none
for my life will have some meaning then
...after it is done.

Bring me girls in patterned dresses
or boys in soldier suits
bring me droves of new-found friendships
or a map with unmarked routes
Bring me old folk singing choruses
or the warmth of the summer's sun
for my life will have some meaning then
...after it is done.

Bring me a candle's whispered stories
or a fire's burning song
bring me waters filled with fairies
or a mistake that wasn't wrong
Bring me peaceful calm and gentleness
or a battle that's been won
for my life will have some meaning then
...after it is done.

In retrospect, I then would see
there's too much thats begun
so I'll wait and write this all again
after it is done!

The ancient dance of fires ablaze
laughter captured in sunshine days
lightening across our moody skies
muteness found in all goodbyes

crashing teardrops that explode
guns of war we just reload
erupting mirrors reflecting shards
fragmented aces on severed cards
grievous wounds we all embrace
squalid truths left in their place

Thundering noise I feel within
washes over me
refines the sin
breakes the fury
marks relience
in all the noise.....
what silence

I have no words to express this feeling
I have no desire to try to explain
I'm taking the space my mind said I needed
& hopefully in this, I'll find my heart again ~

I'm sorry for leaving ~ and then I am not
My path of discovery has been found it seems
Know that I'll hold you close to my heart
Each breath that you take will be in my dreams ~

Try to remember the smiles that we shared
Hold onto the love that kept us so warm
and then in the morning, when the day feels right
allow new silvery memories to be born

Because for one single moment
a second in time
I belonged to your world
and you became mine!

Where were you daddy
the day I wrote this poem?
Where were you hiding mother
when I was so alone?
Did you ever wonder why
I kept everything inside
Didn't you want to know
the reason why I cried?

Where were you daddy
the day I found the sun?
Where were mother
when I loaded up the gun?
Didn't you want to know
why I lost the will to fight?
You couldn't have stood the thought
that I may have had the right!

Where were you daddy
the day I looked for you?
where were you mother
when my life inside you grew?
Did you ever want to keep me
or want to call my name?
instead of giving me nothing
and the burden of my shame?

Where were you daddy
the day I said goodbye?
where were you mommy
the day I chose to die?
Did you ever need this note
or this thoughtless, thankless task?
Like my life it's left here crumpled
I never should have asked!

Crimson moons on paling skies
another world, the sun will rise
but today is dark, and cold within
I'm left to dapple-greying sin!

The storm is here, the die is cast
eclipsing memories fade at last
left alone in vacant stares
I wonder when last I truly cared.

When rainbows fade and streams run dry
will it happen ~ will I die?
or linger here an empty room
a void stuck here inside this womb?

My feast is finished, my ship has sailed
my limbs to my cross are nailed
Scribble that "s" here on my chest
Keep the good
and **** the rest!

Flaming figure so alone
tattered dreamer left ungrown
quiet minstrel lost in song
tell me firefly
am I wrong?

Broken barriers left to rot
sickened sense of forget-me-not
clutching figments left to die
Is this not you
sweet firefly?

Seeking flames of darker shades
beliefs untorn with prayers you prayed
that safest flame is deep inside
you shine your brightest
yet still you hide?

Man child ~ I must confess
you weaken limbs with your lovliness
the scarlet tears that you expire
are nothing frozen
but made of fire!

Petals in the water
flowing silently away
broken roses shedding skin
abandoned stains of failed decay
so numb from all the darkness
fluent once in labelled halls
nothing changes anymore
except the shadows on the walls...

No butterflies rewarded
by the rigid pupa stage
no stained glass wind-chimes left amongst
this gilded locked-up cage
no longer allowed the privilege
to get picked up when we crawl
nothing mutates here anymore
like the revenants on the walls....

Angels left in snowflakes
on the barren winter sand
breath we release with pleasure
as we touch a lover's hand
loneliness that grips you
when they forgot about the call
we're nothing but the puppets
of the shadows on the walls...

I dreamed of sails in gusting winds
The torn flag is at half mast
Waves of change tire out this ship
And I say goodbye at last....

I watched for lost horizons
found treasures in their wake
Shiny threads of hopeful morsels
Never captured - by mistake

The raging seas of turmoil
Accented by the calm
The ship's soul steers the rudder
Keeping it's sailors far from harm

I throw caution to the albatross
And hoist a newer sail
Then set out on uncharted seas
So this newness may prevail....

The captain on my broken ship
until my colours come alive
The ship is torn and battered, yes
But the owner has survived....

If I could give you a world
to do with as you please
I'd colour my raindrops purple
falling onto orange trees
I'd make my oceans fuschia
and each fish a different shade
so that you'll always see the love
with which this world was made....

I'd paint the tulips indigo
and give them yellow leaves
I'd add a touch of ruby red
to the buzzing honey bee
I'd take away all black and gray
and replace it all with white
so when you looked upon your world
you'd know that it was right...

I'd colour all the heavens
with the brightest apple green
and paint the stars in lilac
to match the blue moonbeams
and then I'd add a butterfly
exactly as it's made
to reflect upon the twinkling stars
so they can never fade....
The clouds I'd do in silver
to compliment the gold
and make your world a jewel in life
that never can be sold...

And then at last I'd sign my name
in bright bits of tangerine
You'd see all of this wonderous hue
like walking through my dream
and then I'll give you all the paints
the chalks and pastels too
For no one can ever see the shades
or the colours that are you!

Vacant, empty, bottle corked
sour
followed
shadows
stalked
billboards, ankhs, purple peace
fever
groupies
slow
release
pill pushers, drunkards, hollow wholes
pimps and
******
broken souls
black, white, all in tune
sunsets
rising
wednesday's moon

nothing inside
nothing out
listen how
silence
shouts!!

Rainbow coloured shadows melt away into darkness
becoming slow laboured breathes of tortured souls
as dreamers paint their pictures of love
a funeral march begins

for whom the bell tolls.......

While eagles sail on the wings of the wind
the pain echoes cries of mourning.....
While children are chasing the butterflies
the threat of war is dawning

...and all is calm...


While wine is poured into crystal holes
the sun pales and dries
as men speak of their lust for freedom
the chalk garden dries....

Touch my banquet
it's possible crucifying pleasure
Instinct inspires whispers
of tormenting embrace
Confess your need
to fragment my illusions
Speak!
I can be found in all of this!

Leave & let me
believe in fragile reasons
Burn kisses
into my naked hidden world
Embrace secret rythms
that lie here poisoned
But meet me on your side
of the drunken universe!

Laugh cruel petals
my hour is haunting....
lavish your fancy dress
I exist only in solitude

....but the fever is in the living......

As a rainbow sends down a colourful hue,
a wasp swirls around in a puddle of dew
and lost in the hollow...somewhere within
an imp practices magic his planning to spin
an ocean of flowers bow down in their praise
as a dung beetle carries his load through a maze
and far in the distance a nightingale sings
happy in the warmth that the sunshine brings
a giggle of fairies and Will o' the Wisp
a dragonfly makes his way through the mist
a butterfly dances on the wings of a breeze
a waterfall hides behind the shade from the trees
a ladybird whistles about as she plays
a squirrel bustles through the place where she stays.....

...yet in all this beauty and clandescent touch
it's lost on me ~ I've grown up too much!

What are the thoughts you're hiding
behind those stoney eyes?
What dreams have you whispered
to the million passers-by?
What happiness will ever find you
if you always stay so cold?
What trouble will befall you
if you never break your mould?
What substance will you treasure
if there is nothing there to find?
What stolen moments would you have
if I could see into your mind?

What life is this that has you jailed?
what sculptors tool won't speak?
Did he realise that he was strong

but he has left you weak?

One solitary pebble asleep on a beach
one last twinkling star no one can reach
one perennial impression we know we can trust
one vision of beauty turned fetid by lust

One militant soldier called to the fight
one hopeless wrong we tried to make right
one delicate child left out in a storm
one broken promise lying withered and torn

One final encounter allowed on this earth
one act of bravery bestowed at our birth
one courageous second beginning to rust
I'll always be just a creature of dust!

Glass ball rotates in gypsy hands
Fortunes told of master plans
yet darkness looms behind the cloak
Untruths in words she never spoke

Laughter crackles from hollow holes
Sights unseen in distinctive roles
Light appears then dims to shade
The jagged edge of a lovers blade

She twists the cards and they reveal
The saddened loss of last appeals
Hangman, Magus, Prince of wands
Shackles tied in tireless bonds

Blatant hurt from heathen cry
Today I choose the time to die
Credence blurts it last farewell
The journey begins out of hell....

I'm eluding my colours and fading to black
I've come to the cross-roads
there's no turning back
I'm lost in this hell
this concept of me
This painful desire to set myself free!

What are the choices that I should have made?
Why didn't I listen
to the life that I craved?
When will I realise this was all meant to be
this withering, lifeless
body of me?

How did I get here?
and why did I go?
When did my laboured breaths
become achingly slow?
Why didn't I listen?
or pretend that I see?
How can I be living this dying of me?