Another lonely Spring with a bountiful garden.
The scenery is beautiful, but my frosted and despair heart remains in winter.

I lie in the meadows of spring with flowers that kiss my cheeks and caress my face.
All by myself....
I've always played with flowers by myself.
I wanted to share it with you, but you found someone else.
Were my flowers not as pretty?
Not as free?
Not as colorful?
Not enough...variety?

The colors twinkled your eyes,
Beamed you cheeks to a soft pink tint,
Rushed the blood in your veins,
Made you howl at the moon,
and dance in the sun.
But you threw my flowers on the ground and ran off to the garden across the field.
-the garden that you thought had more life, colors and beauty.
The flowers now sing a dirge when the wind whistles the air,
waiting for your face to show up again someday.

You were different.
You are different.
You could have been mine,
But as soon as the flowers bloomed...
As soon as the rain subsided,
The grass danced in the wind...
The birds sang their song...
You grew too.

I can't seem to write about you on paper
Because I know that I am facing you.
I don't wanna face you.
Stay as far away from me.

2 papers,
Coding project,
Oral Presentation,
A Concert Band Concert,
3 more Radio Shows,
4 finals on the last day of school.

I am way too calm, cool and collected to deal with this.
Another mental breakdown?
I don't sense one. I don't feel one.
But that's the worse part..because it has a way of surprising me.

I forgot my headphones.
  Taking the 6AM bus.....and no headphones...
       Brilliant!

I look out the window with a cold hard stare.
The bus accelerates from the station.
Vroom glug glug glug Vroom! glug glug
           Vvvrrrrrrmmmmmm
    It leaves and makes a sharp right turn at the corner.
The passengers make no effort to stay still in their seats.
      They are asleep.
  Chomp....chomp..gulp....chomp
The passenger two seat across from me eats a bag of chips.
     Sssssssstttttttt
   We stop.
        Ssssttt. KER-SQUEAK!
The door slowly opens.
   Clip clop Clip Clop Clip
A business woman walks consistent steps similar to a metronome click.
   Behind that make-up is a woman who is still half asleep.
  Ssssstttttttttttttt      Vrrrrmmmmmmm
                 SNAP...SNAP.....POP!
  Her gum clicks to her tongue as she flips out a magazine from her large Coach Bag.
         scrit     scrat      scrit     scrat    scrit    scrat
As an old man rubs to nickels together;
staring down at the platform with his hand rested on his leg.

     Bump....Bump..DING
  My stop is up.
Where has the time gone?
I fell in love with these sounds.
  My ears didn't even have to make love to music.
Why should anyone ever want to drown sounds out?
That's our problem.
We drown this world out.
     But the world is beautiful when it wakes up.

It's 10pm and I am sitting in my room covered in blankets watching silent films before I drift asleep.
Am I alone or lonely?

It's Saturday night and I am in a basement full of friends, wine and hookah.
With every puff and and gulp, I wonder why you are home and not laughing with me?
Am I alone or lonely?

It's Sunday morning and I awake at seven.
Would love me past Saturday night?
Am I alone or lonely?

It's a Thursday afternoon.
The sun from the porch door shines into the living room and warms my body.
I wonder if your hugs are warmer than sunlight.
Am I alone or lonely?

It's Monday morning.
I slouch on the carpeted bus seat and watch the rain fall on the window as classical music soars through my ears.
I blend in with the other passengers and I want sunshine.
You make me feel so bluesy.
Am I alone or lonely?

At the desk in the library, it takes longer to write this research essay than usual.
I struggle and wonder if you could put the words in my mouth.
Am I alone or lonely?

When you are standing in front of me, your face hits me like a train collision.
The orchestra plays in my mind, but all I hear are the same augmented chords.
I can't read you at times. Are you worth it?
Am I alone or lonely?

When I lie in bed at night, I ponder why I need you,
Why I want you.
It takes me time to think of your voice, which I find soothing.
Or the jacket that you never take off.
I close my eyes, turn to the side and sigh.
I am either alone or lonely.

My hand meets your soft shiny keys.
The touch sends a cold shiver down my spine.
Sixteenth notes flutter like a butterfly
Colours soar through the air
Two eight notes caress both hands
Eighth rests pause time in which we kiss.
Our souls sing a duet -
It's not me composing anymore.
We ended on a deceptive cadence,
but our love was never resolved.