I closed my eyes
And ignored
And was blind
I held my torch high
And my tablet tight
With its righteous words
I closed my eyes to the ignorance
And others followed suit
My green robes flowing around me I became a lie

Smoke in the air
Ciggarettes on my tongue
The sweet taste of nothingness
The water is warm
But my heart is ice cold
Unsaid words like acid in my throat

Real kindness is giving,
Not wanting in return,
Giving is a joy for me,
Something we should learn.

I believe in helping,
Many people are in need,
I know it is God's plan,
I will do my best indeed.

I give when I don't want to,
Whatever they may ask,
They may need it more than me,
It can be a difficult task.

Some people take advantage,
On times they do forget,
Some people don't appreciate it,
They should show respect.

there’s a vacuum, a hole in my heart, a skip in it’s beat
the size of your shimmering glow
it's the width of your smile, the height of your laughter
it’s where my love gleans all that it wants to know

it’s an autumn untouched in a memory held fondly
watching the white shine of fresh fallen snow
it pulls like a tide and it howls like a gale
and it tugs at me to surrender to all it bestows

it prays with belief and sustains on it's faith
and it stands tallest on two bended knees
it's all ribbons and wrapper the thing I most wanted
and it fills my needs completely

you and I are the seed, the sprout, the tree, the fruit
the protection of deep binding roots
you and I
the journey along no destination’s route  
my wanting unwaning, your flirtatious glances
the wonderful unknowing pursuit

TWO loves had I. Now both are dead,
And both are marked by tombstones white.
The one stands in the churchyard near,
The other hid from mortal sight.

The name on one all men may read,        
And learn who lies beneath the stone;
The other name is written where
No eyes can read it but my own.

On one I plant a living flower,
And cherish it with loving hands;      
I shun the single withered leaf
That tells me where the other stands.

To that white tombstone on the hill
In summer days I often go;
From this white stone that nearer lies
I turn me with unuttered woe.

O God, I pray, if love must die,
And make no more of life a part,
Let witness be where all can see,
And not within a living heart.

In looking for that someone
To make my life just right,
Hope it won't be like Evangeline
Who will past me in the night,

One that will be just right for me
In size, weight, and height,
I've looked far and waited long
Could they have passed me in the night?

He sendeth sun, he sendeth shower,
Alike they're needful for the flower:
And joys and tears alike are sent
To give the soul fit nourishment.
As comes to me or cloud or sun,
Father! thy will, not mine, be done!
Can loving children e'er reprove
With murmurs whom they trust and love?
Creator! I would ever be
A trusting, loving child to thee:
As comes to me or cloud or sun,
Father! thy will, not mine, be done!
Oh, ne'er will I at life repine:
Enough that thou hast made it mine.
When falls the shadow cold of death
I yet will sing, with parting breath,
As comes to me or shade or sun,
Father! thy will, not mine, be done!

They say sometimes in life you’re born with nothing
Since the beginning I’ve been determined to get something
There’s a lot of goals that I do want to accomplish
There’s so many things in the world that I missed
I may drive you crazy with the things that I want to do
I’m a man with a dream, I’m just hoping to get that soon
It’s time to forge my own path in life
I just want to make things right
Change my personality, change my ways
This is the path that I truly want to take
Don’t have a car so it’s hard to go find myself
If someone knew how much pain that I felt
Knowing that I’m not part of the world and stuff
I hate staying inside all day, I really had enough


I didn’t put this on my blog for sympathy
Even though I never got the amount that I need
I may be envious and yeah I mave greed
Respect is all I ever do want to recieve
I won’t settle for anything less, want to make it big
Enough being isolated because it’s making me tick
Mother’s intimidations is keeping me locked up
Laying on the living room couch like I’m knocked up
Waiting for the moment where I could finally lace up my boots
Where I can open the front door and tell my mom “see you soon”
Yeah I like girls and I’m hoping to get one
Don’t want to go through life with none
With the life I’m living I feel like I’m dead
Being outgoing is all that’s stuck in my head


Most kids my age are doing a lot of stuff
With my lifestyle I really just can’t adjust
Don’t feel like I’m alive, says so on my myspace
I don’t know how much pressure I can really take
Got a dude in college living the kid life
Having fun with people during the night
Another dude with a job earning money
While I’m stuck with nothing, kinda funny
I wasn’t born to do nithing with my life
Yeah I’m desperate I’m not gonna lie
I don’t want to be in my 50’s living this way
I’m sick of my dreams being put on delay
I’m sick of dreaming, I wanna live life
I’m told to be patient but time is tight
I ain’t gonna stay young forever that’s thing
So amped up about the future that I don’t think
Waiting for the rescue ladder to come to my window
I want live life normal you know, it’s just really simple


But I probably won’t get that because I’m autistic
So I’m limited to my choices that’s so sadistic
Being stuck with people on wheelchairs kinda clueless
Don’t hate those kids so don’t think of me as a big ******
And I know they can’t help it but that’s not my kind of crowd
Don’t want to be limited to those kind of people that’s how I feel now
Don’t want people to think those are the only friends I can make
I just want to be a normal people is all I ask for goodness sake
Don’t think of me as a kid who can’t control his emotions
I maybe a kid who has a hard time keeping things in focus
Because of this, mother doesn’t think I can drive
Not even letting me go ahead and give it a try
No way I’m relying on the bus to get around
Because I’m tired of always being let down
Hurts to have a lot of people have a lot of doubt
And to think that you shouldn’t even be out


What’s wrong with living simple that’s all I want
It’s all I’ve been working for all I want to saught
Willing to go through anything just to get it
My goal I have still not yet really met it
What’s wrong with being normal that’s what I desire

I am the wind along your cheeks
resurrecting
bitter droplets
to glaze
an endless white sea
surrounding
dark brown abyss
covered only fleetingly
by the continued
parting of lips
whose lashes
strike rapidly
in an effort to
delicately
cease
weakness from
reverberating on  your cheeks
Does not the brow secrete
pain?
Is not your agony
flourishing?
Cast my words to the breeze
truth lands heavily on your shattered spirit
I am the wind
that made thee weep
forgive me