I feel your arms
when I listen to my favorite songs,
I hear your voice
when I look at the moon and
I see your eyes whenever
I close mine.
Why can’t you be the one
to kiss me goodnight
rather than my
crinkling sheets?
And why isn’t your voice
singing me to sleep
rather than these
broken records?
How is it that
you’re so full when
I’m as hollow as bone?
Can you teach me your ways,
because I’m gasping for air
as you swim in an
ocean of luxury
and I’m sick of
drowning.

Take me back to Tennessee in the Garten of Kinder
The border of the south where there's barely a winter
And when there was, the snow was stolen
From the boy next door who wanted some snowmen
Take me back to the eggs on the floor where she slipped
But she was okay after Mommy's forehead kiss
Take me back to the little things that made it all okay
Take me back to that fight we had every other day
Because we loved too much to keep up a fight
So we took some breaks for one day or a night
Take me back to the "friends forever"
Forever eternalized:
*Misremembered

The monster inside,
She fights and she bites
Yet I don't feel a thing.

I can hear her screams of pure hatred,
Which almost seems like sweet nothings in my head.
Slowly, I breathe in; and so does she.
Despite being a beast in my head,
She acts like a regular person instead.
But I can't see her, no not yet,
I feel her breath next to mine.
Almost the same tempo;
So synchronised in time.
I inhale the sickly sweet scent
Of her smile.
The wind in her hair;
The drost in her soul.

I begin to smell,
The contempt in her eyes.
The evil, oh so bold.
And as all these senses
Merge into one-
She disappears.
Like a shadow fades into the light
Or a mighty devil scorned.

It almost feels like I'm free
Just for a moment.
Slowly, and gradually,
But it feels like it was in a split second.
The pain rushes back.
The realisation doesn't.
My senses resurrect from their numbness;
Ever so ploddingly
And I see
I see,
Her.
Looking right back at me,
As if she had been there for days, weeks, months,
An eternity.
Just, watching.
Waiting.
Ready to attack.
I look straight back into her eyes;
Barely breathing.
Barely smiling.
Barely feeling-
Anything at all.
It is then, the moons change and the stars shift
Feelings alter
And I feel something I seemed
Unable to fathom
Just a few moments ago.

Then,
I fear again.

I remember the last time we talked
My voice trembled like a violin string
As always my mouth was numb and locked
And the phrases I couldn't utter seemed to boil and sting
I watched distraught words float by on the breeze
As I desperately tried explaining to you,
With embarrassment and unease
All we could and should be, all I dreamed and knew
Tried weaving a future from a tangled past.
I saw you through curtains of heavy fog
Your eyes bleary and glassed
I stuttered and muttered and wept and I couldn't
And I knew that I wouldn't
Give words to the ineffable mess in my brain.
I looked up, the mist breathed slowly
You walked away like a slow and silent midnight train
The sun was shining through the clouds, golden and holy
As the white haze of things unsaid weighed upon the rolling hills