I walk into school,
and find your unique Blue glowing outline amoungst
the average outlined people.
i lean on your locker
as you tell me how the last
episode of the walking dead ended.
as i listen to your unique voice
i taste buttered popcorn.

it wasn't an unusual event.

It wasn't till the day,
I walked into school,
And i saw you,
you were sick and your voice was raspy.
but my brain refused to accept,
that it was you.
because you were lacking a ring of colour.
and your voice tasted of caramel,
and not of buttery popcorn,
and i asked you where your,
colours went,
it wasn't till then did i realise,
that i was not normal.
and thats when i was told,
that i had synesthesia.

i walked into
class with my
sweatshirt on.
you looked
at me in
confusion.
and said
"forgotten! its
like a billion
degrees outside!"
"i dont
know.."

the teacher said
that we
were going to go
outside for class
and have some
free time.

we sat
on the log
away from
the others.
you made me
tell you
why i was
wearing the
sweatshirt

i told you and
you got tears
in you perfect
blue eyes
"you broke
a unicorn
promise."

you took my hand
and we walked back
to them.
you kissed me
and made me
unicorn promise
to try not
to break
the previous
promise.

you cant defeat me
you wont
Ill cooperate
Ill act scattered
Ill be unfocused
Ill be motivated to motivate this terrible distraction in my mind
The answer is simple
School and AdHd dont mix
they collide
my brain is a dj playing dubstep
24 hours a day
non stop full volume
crank it up
because there is no stoping.

im scared.
im scared to hug you
im scared to hold hands
im scared to go places with you
because theres always that possibility,
that i will fall in love.
so i hide.
i hide behind my wall.
i have built it very tall.
i fear by trying to block you out,
and push you away,
i have made you just want to stay.
that scares me.
because i think i have,
scared myself,
into loving you.

i am dyslexia.
does  not mean im dum.
i just cant read or right easily.

i am synesthesia
i usually say the colour,
youre outlined with,
or i say the thing that,
i taste with your words.
am i random?
to you maybe.

i am stutter.
i t-ta-alk l-like th-this.
am i dumb?
i again say-no. i am as smart as you.
maybe even smarter.

Can you imagine trying,
to read something out loud,
while having dyslexia ,
AND  a stutter?
its crazy.

it was put on the board.
my teacher told my to stand up in front,
of my 6th grade class and,
read the assignment.
i stared at it for a while,
and i started to read,
to, then suddenly the letter t,
flipped upside down and decided,
to become an f
the the o became a c
the c turned into an n
i could feel all eyes on me.
my mate whispered "today"
i said today,
still trying to figure out how that matched the board.
we turned itself into,
me.
but i finally remembered what i say first.
its been 3 minuets now and,
all i had read out loud was,
"today we"
will and be started to move around the board.
then all the letters switched around,
and
       f
         e
            l
              l
                
                      o
                          f
                     f
                                the board.
the only thing still there,
was one word.
then my mate finally whispered to me,
"today we will be"
and i said that.
then i turned back to the board.
while i was attempting
at sounding things out
my mates couldnt handle it anymore.
they bursted out in giggles.
i read "poet..try?"
and got a detention for delaying the class.

i cant find a way out.
im stuck here forever.
no one can here my silent shout.
put the gun up to my head
i dare you to pull the trigger
you find i cannot be dead,

you cannot **** someone,
who is already dead inside.
did i break my promise to you?
no. (i lied)
you cant **** someone
who is dead inside.

Dubstep fills my ears,
as im drowning in my tears,
the music makes me numb,
but its the kind of numb thats actually fun.
as the bass drops,
i ponder calling the cops.
i felt so high,
i decided i wanted to die.
i pulled out my headphones and jumped off the bridge,
hoping for anything but to live.

I hold many secrets,
Behind these eyes.
Most of what you know,
It's all lies.

My name,
you don't know it.
nor ever will you.

My father,
He worked with a,
"Business."

I hold many secrets,
you'll never know.

If you're lucky,
And i trust you,
i will expose them.

You lied to me.

*******.

You want to tell me i'm not beautiful?

You don't deserve to be here

You should be under a six foot deep hole

No coffin or casket

Just you under the dirt

Breathing in death

Have fun down there

I'm going to go watch a movie

It's about a girl who kills all liars

She comes off as the innocent type.

They never see it coming

Sound familiar?

no?

Exactly. >;)

Sometimes I don't even know if I'm sad,
If I actually want to be happy,
What if I actually want to stay sad,
What if all I'm doing
Is just because
I crave for

Attention.

That'd be really bad,
All the attention I'm already getting,
Is it not enough?
Have I really become that

Selfish?

All the little
Challenges
The people around me
Go through,
Have you really neglected them all?
Is it really because
You're depressed
And so you've
Wallowed up in this
Hole of depression
Cut off yourself from the rest of the world?
Or is this just

Intentional?

I don't even know
If i genuinely feel anymore
Or if all these thoughts
Are words from the devil.

I just hope
The people I love
Are fine,
Or more than ok
Hopefully.

It's just sad
That no one shares their problems anymore,
Worried they'll add on to mine,
When really,
It's doing
The opposite.

But it's my fault again
Isn't it?
For being sad in the first place,
For sharing the problems with you,
For bothering you
Time and time again,
It's all just me.

Me, myself and I.
Is that all that's in your mind?
What have you become?

Selfish ****.

Running fast, really fast. I get this feeling at the pit of my stomach. Almost like butterflies  from excitement or nervousness. But this feeling is clearly different. My feet finally lift off the ground and I started to fly. I was in complete control now. I Flew. Flying so fast and zooming high. Zig zagging everywhere feeling free to do as I please, I “fall” down to the ground head first Speeding like a bullet. Then I save myself last minuet like they do with the fighter jets during an air show. People gasping in awe to be witnessing a blue eyed blonde haired girl fly. People cant accept the fact that i am completely and simply anti gravity. But it is completely and easily controlled. But then, I woke up. Starring at the plane whit ceiling, and the plane white everything. What a joy.  I thought to myself. Another day stuck in this prison. A nurse came into my room. "You appear to be doing better since your last....outburst....and we are "happy" to allow you to roam the halls again." she said clearly not happy that there was another one to keep track of. I'm in a mental hospital. I'm insane. I certainly do not agree. I think im fine.

I got out of bed and clicked open the door, another day with these maniacs. I looked at the floor, "****!" There were squares everywhere. I have this issue with squares. If i touch one that already has something on it, i have to start over again. I stare at the ground, hip hopping around. My long blonde hair in a braid to the side, Bangs in my eyes. i put my hand on the wall so i can use it as a guide. On my bare feet, the ground felt smooth, and soft. But icy, and cold. I liked it. My head bumped into something. i looked up shyly to see a man holding a bundle of human pinkies. "Would you like a carrot?" the purple man asked me. i was quite hungry. "yes please sir." I was questioning why he was holding a bundle of human fingers but then, "Here you go cutie." i looked up again, he handed me three pinkies, i accepted them and he stared at me with a large creepy smile. i just then realised how odd he looked, and he wasn't wearing any form of proof he stayed in this ward. He wore a tattered green suit and black skinny jeans. he bid me farewell. i was about to put my hand on the wall when i looked down, but found that there were no squares. It took me a moment, but i remembered that this hallway indeed had no squares.

Me: Kelly likes you
Him: I wont date her because i like someone else.
Me: Whhhhooooooo
Him: a person in our class
Me: Well if it's not Kelly * unless you like men * hmmmmm Mariah?
Him: no.
Me: Me?
Him: yup
Me: I convinced myself that people cannot like me
Him:  you lied to **yourself

I sit at my desk
With an empty mind,
An empty inside,
In an empty house
in an empty room
on a lonely street
in a lonley town
without anything to eat.
"she" wont let me be free
im alone no matter what i do,
theres no escape.
theres nothing i can do,
be warned,
"she" will take over you.

Sitting in the shadows of plastic bottles,
Round,
Familiar to the touch of contaminated skin.

Let the oval cascade your neck,
Toxins in the body disperse,
Tired eyes fall.

Cleanse your mind of anguish;
Step into bubbles pumped with white lies.

And never take out the pin in your pocket.

when i put my head on the pillow,
and close my eyes,
all i can dream of is,
freeing the lies.
when i sleep,
there are no secrets to keep.
i fall asleep,
just to wake up.
when i wake up,
i am still asleep.
i look to my bed,
to find myself,
sleeping in front of my own eyes.
i see the sadness as tears,
slip down my face,
thinking of my very own fears.
then i walk away,
even at night,
it is still day.

I sleep in the clouds, dream in the sky,
I'll keep dreaming as life passes me by,
I think my dreams keep me sane,
I dream of happiness, a life without pain,
some people say I'm stuck in this place,
and I'll never go anywhere,
but in my dreams I've already been there,
I know some day I'll have to wake up,
but I feel the real world is more like a nightmare,
I'm safe in my closed eye wonderland,

he wants me to smile,
so i do.
theres a little issue,
that smile isn't true

I slit my wrist to ease my pain,
you look at me,
and think i'm insane.
my eyes turn red,
bleeding my tears,
and still you try to protect my from my worst fears.

i
am
      f
     a
       L
   L
        i
            n
        G
         deeper
                    i
                  n
                      Love
                     w
                  i
                      t
                                h
                   You.

I try to be brave,
yet i have drowned,
i'm so far deep,
to deep for you to notice,
to deep for you to care.
i'm gone now,
nothing is left.
I should only hope you learn,
it was never your fault,
the depression cut me,
to deep for you to see,
to deep for you to feel.
The pain is bigger then me,
I tried to fight it.
I'm just gone now,
just a hollow shell,
i'm sorry,
but i a just to gone.

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it."
~Albert Einstein

The blood runs down
She cries and screams
Suicide runs deep
Inside her mind
Pain and hate
For herself
Wishing for death
Hoping this would help

i feel sad,
but do not know why.
when i look in the mirror,
all i wanna do is cry.
i know im not fat,
i can see my bones,
but for some reason,
i am all alone.
the feeling of being sad
is one i cannot explain.
chances are,
you might not even feel my pain.

when i think of love
i do not think at all
because love,
i have never truly felt.
"why do you say you love me then leave?!"
"i will never know what love is until someone shows me it for real."