Written in stone
Your words
In this child’s heart
Too young to understand 
It wasn’t me
It was PTSD
How could I make you see 
It was never the way you were thinking 
It was truly innocent
Too young to understand 
It wasn’t me
It was PTSD
Pedal to the metal
Heading toward disaster 
Fear and confusion 
Too young to understand 
It wasn’t me
It was PTSD 
Knife to your wrist
Begging and pleading 
Tears overflowing tiny faces 
Too young to understand 
It wasn’t me 
It was PTSD
Anger and disillusion
You’re chasing me
Questioning who I am
Too young to understand 
It wasn’t me
It was PTSD
And when my eyes finally see
I can’t be angry 
I can’t blame 
Because after all
It wasn’t you 
It was PTSD.

Wasted so much time blaming You
Forgetting Your name, believing lies
And still You knew I would find You
And that was enough for You
To never let go
And I Thank You, for that day has come
And I do remember Your promise
And like a child (again) I am in awe of You
For out of the water You raised me
And into Your arms You reminded me
I am forgiven because You love me
And now Your Holy Spirit is in this temple
And I know I am forever Loved
Unconditionally

Time stands still 
From Earths perch
As darkness falls 
Illuminating the Heavens 
Magnanimously revealing
Your eternity of light
With this stargazer in awe 
Of Your endless life

My Dear,

You have no idea the greatness
The mountains you move
Your destiny is marvelous
Believe in greatness
Believe in possibilities
Believe in you
For you are great
And you are everything
I’ve dreamt of!

Sacrificing me
to fit in societies needs
desire to bleed from this insanity
another victim of self-sabotage
chasing away these thoughts
they want me to punish
but it's crazy
to want self sabotage
I know I don't deserve it
but frustration clouds my mind
why do I need to make me better?
when I know I'm all that matters?
foolish me
now I see
it was you, you, and you, who let me be
tricked into this self-sabotage.

Today my words
stand before your ears
and enter your thoughts
as though you and I are one
I have stolen just a mere moment
yet grasped the curiosity of your soul
with one goal, to carry to you this message
in which I so gently carve into your beautiful heart
the truest word that you should know you greatly deserve
loved -for you are loved beyond this moment and beyond this line
beyond your thoughts and the beginning of time
loved for an eternity.

I soar inside
with every misstep
you lead me
with every smirk
you give me
I free my wings
of these chains
which ground you
and all that is dead
in this world
and you can't see
because death
has become you
and life
has left you nothing
just a desire
to take what you will
to satisfy your wants
to become
nothing!

Desire infiltrates
corrupting love
created by lust
destroying us.

It
is what drowns me
pulls me under
twisting reality
making peace impossible
I control it
as much as it does me
the more I accept it
the more I bleed
I hate it with passion
for choosing me
for taunting and bullying
it out of me
but sometimes life
provokes me
and those times
it feels good
to let my anger free.

There is much to say about waking up
so much it can mean
so vulnerable we were while sleeping
for any waking reality
we might believe.

Beauty lies
soft, gentle disguise
sweet innocence
facade of benevolence.

Breathe, weight, breathe,
wisdom is unfathomable
so the "wise men" they evoke
immunity with their parables
yet truth lies outside of reality
beyond what minds may comprehend
are we merely animals to a scientist?
testing in progress, breathe, wait...breathe.

Have you ever felt like screaming FIRE!
surrounded by those who judge you
but don't know you
what's their problem anyways?
how about those who
pretend to love you
yet abandoned you
their thoughts are somewhere else
it's alright to scream out FIRE!
in those empty rooms
where no one really cares
look past those empty stares
there they go
let them know
you're not living for them
anymore
it's alright to scream out
WHAT THE HELL!
you're the one to wake them up
show them who you really are
you don't have to live behind their bars
it's your turn to live and let them go
to love your life
to live your dreams
be who you are
who you want to be
and life will be yours to live
and life will be yours to love.

Today I dance inside my head
Today I dance for words unsaid
Today I dance and dance again
Me, my words and feelings we spin
And the world will never know
I love to dance
Because outside
I'm just as still
as the background I am in.

Sometimes I feel beautiful
(not Vanity Fair beautiful)
of coarse
but beautiful enough to make you smile
while other times
I feel so far from beautiful
that I dare not look into the silver liar
and on those days I thank you
for that smile that helped me
feel beautiful again
and in my smile
I give back to you
the truth, that you
are beautiful too!

I'm quiet
never putting up a fight
you may think I'm shy
with nothing to say
always second guessing
worried if my words came out right
I'm still that little girl
who learned peace from fear
who's been hiding all these years
wanting to be heard
but fearing I'll be hurt
look me in the eyes
can you see me reaching out?
desperate
for your attention
afraid of rejection
I turn and look away
I'm still that little girl
who keeps peace because of fear
who's been hiding all these years
wanting to be heard
but fearing I'll be hurt
I'm living in regret
for all the words
I haven't said
the words I let you steal
the words that would let me feel
the words that could make me real
cause I'm still that little girl
who hates the peace that comes from fear
it's been hiding me all these years
I want to be heard
without fearing I'll be hurt
so open up your ears
cause you need to hear
that I need to leave this place
where fear dominates
where abuse creates fear
and peace is fears masquerade
I don't want to be that little girl
who creates peace in fear
don't want to hide anymore
I need to be heard
without fearing I'll be hurt.

You put your trust in luster of treasures fake
putting aside the true gems when luster fades
in youth is known no more than today
for the shine of base tempts a fool of any age
gems be daughter and son to men old and naive
Cordelia and Edgar tarnished to hearts that can't see
only in endings will fools see the deed
the trap that blinded hearts to misery.

Before I was conceived I chose
to exist within this life of decay
And although I cannot remember why
I can only imagine it was for its experiences
to sense and perceive life in an alternate way
To desire life with its pleasures, its beauty
But did I really want to exist
with pain, suffering, and fear?
Did the good outweigh all the bad?
Or was I so alone without these
that I took them all, just to feel alive?
Because above all I do feel alive
and desire life with all my heart.