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it's not just because you're pretty.
Beautiful.
Gorgeous.
Stunning.
it's not just because you're pretty
that makes my heart ache for you.

it's not just because you're talented.
Excellent.
Amazing.
Inspiring.
it's not just because you're talented
that makes my heart long for you.

it's not just because you love me.
Want me.
Need me.
Desire me.
it's not just because you love me
that I love you with all I have.

it's not just because of all those things.
but all those things together
Wrapping
Twisting
Weaving
into each other
assembling constellations no star-gazer can imagine
creating paintings that would make the greatest blush
assembling music to cast all musicians to shame
it's All of it.
Everything.
creations I never imagined created
that make me
that bind me
that tear me apart
For you
To you
You and only you.
12 o'clock
From a distance I saw you.
I gasped and and stared and hoped
and dreamed
but held it close in my heart
and walked.

As I walked you came up next to me
crying tears I wish I hadn't seen
and I kissed your forehead
told you it would be o.k.
and we walked our separate ways.

From a distance you came back to me.
My hands were free and so were yours.
You smiled and laughed.
I remembered what I held close in my heart for you
and we walked together for a while.

I remembered how I saw you from a distance
so long ago, in another life, another dream.
I took your hand and you held back
and we decided to walk like that for a while
and so we walked, hand in hand.

The road became rough beneath our feet.
Sharp rocks and wicked things in the trees.
Monsters called Doubt and Uncertainty
crept all around and tried to drag us apart
but we fought them off and kept on walking.

And we came upon a beach.
The sands were warm, not hot.
The air was cool, not cold.
The sun was calming, not harsh.
And the water? The water was just right.

And now we're swimming.
And there are fish in the water
and coral reefs
and sharks
but I'm not worried.

I'll swim with you here forever.
Dive down and breach waves
and blow bubbles and squirt water in your face.
Or just float.
Just lie on our backs and float forever.

The ocean is a scary place
It has dangers and wonders and beauties
but it takes effort to swim together.
Effort to stay together.
But it's the only way to distant shores.
11 o'clock
I will never fall
fall in love with anyone
anyone but you
10 o'clock
my hair is too long
my nose is too big
my shirts are too small
i love you.

my teeth are not white
my skin is not perfect
my nails are too long
i love you.

my soul is not pure
my heart is not warm
my mind is not right
i love you.

the skies are all blue
the grass is all green
the Lord lives above
i love you.
for Sarah.
i want to wake up at 6 a.m.
with the rest of the world
i want to run and run and run
like the rest of the world
i want to run
but i want to run farther than you

i want to run until i sweat
i want to run until i sweat and bleed
i want to run until i sweat and bleed and puke
and hack
and wheeze
and collapse
and crawl
and faint
and wake up
and keep running

i want to run
i want to run like the rest of the world
like you

i want to run like you do. but way, way farther.
do you ever wish your body just wasn't your body?
that every cell
of every square inch
of every limb
over your entire body
was completely different
that every cell
of every square inch
of every limb?

do you ever wish that nothing about you was you?
and you know that if your mother knew of your sins
she would cry
and there's nothing you can do
to stop those tears
you know
your mother would cry
if she knew of all your sins?

do you ever wonder if your friends would be your friends if they knew
the awful horrible things about you?
do you ever wonder if they'd stop calling
if they knew all the times you swore
you pleasured yourself
you killed them in your mind
you let something awful
horrible
terrible happen
that would make them never
ever
want to see you again?

do you ever wonder if God gave up on you?
do you know He always gives people second chances?
and thirds?
and fourths?
and fifteen thousands?
but do you wonder if after five-trillion-
four-hundred-billion-
-two-hundred-thirty-seven-mi­llion-
three-hundred-thousand-
and-eight
He finally said
"You know, I gave this guy
(or girl)
plenty of chances,
but they messed it up five-trillion-
four-hundred-billion-
-two-hundred-thirty-seven-mi­llion-
three-hundred-thousand-
and-eight
times
and that's just one too many."



i do.
guesting is easy
it's easy, my friends
no need to be anything
but open in heart
receiving each gift
each gift after gift
guesting is easy
it's so easy, my friends

guesting is easy
but hosting is pleasing
to give and to give
to reach back and reach out
your hand full and then empty
empty and then full
guesting is easy
but hosting so much more pleasing

guesting is easy
hosting is pleasing
both acts of love
of giving and receiving
one gets to take
the other gets to give
one grateful for gifts
the other grateful for company
guesting is easy
it's so easy, my friends
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