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 Jul 2013 gigi
jad
The top of my head is open
My scalp lays on the floor beside me
It is open to the world
Every germ and every human
(if they are any different)
But the gods drilled the holes in the tops of my skill
To sip from my moods and my thoughts
as they went on tropical vacations
They cut me open to find me empty
And to fill me again
They shaved out the insides of my skull
So they could sprinkle it onto their yogurt with granola
And they left me to dry
But I awoke with an ache of ruin in the back of my neck
I went about my daily life
I bought groceries
I met with friends
I chatted about politics
But I couldnt help but feel a bit empty
I took Advil to calm the pounding of my head
It could not be avoided
Until the day I looked up
My brain was gone
And the top of my head was left open
And all I had now was the rest of the world filling it in.
I did not need a brain.
My body is wet, and slick
writhing from pain somewhere within
and still there is a smile on my face,
for every grimace for every single sin.
I don't mean to be this way,
it's a coping mechanism, long been taught
and i live this daily battle,
til my mind is subconscious and overwrought.
I mean to love you,
and i'm sorry if it's just too much,
that it begins with some words,
and it begs for my sublime touch.
For i am superbly subliminal consciously,
with every note i speak,
and i cannot help that i love you,
for my heart is tough but weak.
And the crowds are laughing,
the cupboard is lacking and bare,
and i sit here and sigh,
whilst you sit with them and stare.
Wait for me to fall for you,
then beg me to stay,
tell i am beautiful, enlightening, precocious and rare,
and then take it away.
I can hear my heart pushing at the black of the sweat,
and i am partially here nor there,
and i am partially yours whether you want me,
under the weight of your succinct stare.
But your victory over me
is not through the love for me that you wish,
it is rather through your rejection,
best served cold, in a hand for a dish.
Nevermind my worries, nor my cares,
I know i am of no consequence nor thought,
of everything in your daily life,
but trouble i seem to have brought.
My dear, my darling, my love, my quarry,
I seek nothing but silence with you,
for i know at least your words,
once uttered, is a missile projected from you.
I am sweat and hard work,
I am scary, new and everything you fear,
but your rejection, though rough,
is what i expected, my dear.
There is nothing i can expect,
you will not allow yourself to become tainted by me,
and my devils they call to my aide,
to show you the wrong side of being free.
You are not willing through self righteous fear
of being covered in the dirt of my love and care,
and when you are not looking,
i am always really, just here, and there.
To want is to suffer,
of this i know which is to be true,
i was sent you in a lesson to learn,
and i was meant to learn from, about, and in you.
I have a wet, slick, black wanton spirit,
there is no innocence in my blue eyes,
for everything i love within myself,
is equally something there to despise.
There is no crowd now,
there is abrupt silence in the dried up air,
intake of acrid, wanton, holy breath,
to see if you really do truly care.
And this aint no love song,
there are no guitar rifts or longing in the chorus of a singular word,
i merely cannot understand you, to love you
and my flight is as free as a bird.
I am wet, and slick, from lack of sleep,
there is something of you inside my head
and every night i wish i was dreaming,
but i think of you instead.
My love,
my quarrel,
my fear,
my future.
Never have dis-pleasured someone so much,
with a singular, single, millimetre of tingle of a touch.
 Jul 2013 gigi
speakeasied
Two nights ago,
I discovered the definition
of summer.
Regardless of what
Merriam tells you,
it is not just "the warmer
half of the year."
In fact, summer lies
within the smallest details
of a perfect day
and the broadest spectrum
of all drunken nights.
It is the warm concrete
underneath your thighs
that burns at first but
"hey, you'll get used to it."
It is the cigarette carelessly
placed between your
cherry-red lips
and the way we sang as
loud as we could in
your driveway at
3-in-the-morning.
It is the restlessness
of being in one place for
too long mixed with the
comfort of somewhere you
know like the back of your hand.
It is our "couple minute long" talks
that turn into hours
and the epiphany I had when
I realized it's okay to be okay
but it's also okay to not be.
It is the moment I told you this
revelation of mine,
and how you smiled at me
like a 2-year-old and responded,
"this is why I love you."
 Jul 2013 gigi
Katherine Guerrero
Why doesn't he want to get to know me?
Or at least tell me what wrong with me?
Instead of making me go insane
For not knowing who's to blame
And If you ask? they never tell
Whats going on inside their heads
I know I'm not perfect, I make my mistakes
Is it so hard to love me this way?
Heartbreak after heartbreak makes my heart quake
I don't wanna care, I just wanna know what the ****
Is going on with you today?
 Jul 2013 gigi
Emma S
So cold and hard
Gives the deepest and darkest thoughts
The right directions to your heart
Your mind
And your soul

So wild and unwanted
Gives your nightmare space
In reality
It makes everything real
It makes everything come to life

So loud and sad
Gives the word pain a new meaning
Let you remember why
It makes you never forget
It forces you to always remember

So dark and painful
It keeps you up
It's knocking on your door
Invites itself in
And there it stays
Making your life
A living hell

So run
Run
Run
Run
Before it is too late
Before the rain has soaked you
Run
Before it drowns you
In your own mind
 Jul 2013 gigi
Juliette Elisa
As a kid
I didn't know what love was
But I knew what it wasn't.
It wasn't those late night fights
Of screaming and hollering
Or those door slamming
Or by the way he yelled he's done.

As a kid,
I didn't know what love looked like.
Love must have looked like late night parties
Of parents partying like they're teenagers
Drinking to forget their memories,
Their scars,
Their kids.

As a kid,
I didn't know love felt like.
It could have been a hit or a slap
Or the way he wrapped those cigarette stained
Fingers around my neck.
Or it could have been the tears rushing down
My face because for that moment
Something touched my skin so gently
My tears were my own way of saying
You're Okay.

I mistake kindness for bribery
I mistake a smile for a snake
But if I look hard enough
I'm sure I know what love is.

Love is asking how your day went
Holding your hand as you cross the road
Because he knows how distracted you get
When you start talking.
Love is calling cause they miss you
Hugging you when you're quiet.

I don't know a lot about love, but I know what it's not.
*fictional poem
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