Most people
look for ships to rescue them,
but you have this way of using words that
I want to sink into

Dark waters never looked like
love until you started lapping up around my skin and promising to pull me under.

Have you ever looked up at the sky from beneath the water?  
Watched as ripples dance across the clouds?
And finally there is a
tangible barrier between
you and the sky and
you and the marathon
you tell yourself you'll run and
you and the things you've been reaching for indefinitely and

it's so clear
you can see everything
but you don't have to come up yet

It's so nice to finally have a reason all around me,
to be able to touch the reason why I can't breathe

And there you are at the
bottom of it all,
smirking as I reach the
bottom of the bottle,
following your siren call

I just feel like I'm just waiting for an explosion
and time is tick-tick-ticking by

How long can I stand here
before I run out of time?
When should I leave
if I want to avoid injury?

We always dance,
you and I.
moving in circles,
eyes locking
until we put our
heads back down.

It's a complicated dance we do,
you and I.

One step
forward,
three back,
two forward,
one back,
back and forth,
to and fro,
up and down
the street.

One hello,
one rejection,
one joke,
misplaced affection.

We move too quickly
to realize where we're standing
It's all just a silly dance we do.

So here I am again

begging for your call
I promised myself
I wouldn't do it, but
this talk, it makes me
think

so here I am again

I'm a little lost and
confused, searching
in the sea of "what if"s
for the truth

so here I am again

wishing I could go
back to the start
I keep thinking it's
all my fault

so here I am again

I tried so hard to
put away all the
faded, hopeless
memories but they
floated back to the
surface

so here I am again.

It's Monday night
and I'm floating again
in the middle of an ocean
and I can't see the shore

I look up at the stars
(I can see thousands tonight)
and I'm not sure
I'm in the right place
anymore.

I'm grasping at anything
--I have to move somewhere--
and it's slipping through
my fingers
I just can't see the reason
of staying here anymore
when surely I'll drown
but I can't go anywhere else
so I wait for the current

It's Monday night
and I'm floating again
but this time I'm stranded

smiling, you signed your name
in sharpie on my skin
but that ink can never be permanent
and neither were you

what a pair we are
walking down the street
you cloaked in cynicism,
and I draped in doubt

I miss you in your end of the couch, your side of the bed
There's just air where you used to sit,
But somehow I'm still struggling to breathe

I miss you in the drowned spider in the shower
You always took the bugs outside
Because I couldn't bear to look at them

I miss you in your old sweatshirt,
The grey crewneck that smells like you
I put it on sometimes, but I swear it's softer when you wear it and pull me into your arms

I miss you in the silence in the morning
I tried to play your old records today,
But I spent an hour looking at the box, waiting for your selection

I miss you most in the feeling you gave me
We created a world that was overflowing with happiness
And without you I'm just empty

she watched as the world fell apart around her,
everything worse than before, a new kind of interruption

she felt her chest tighten, her heart ached more than ever
her throat had a new lump that made it hard to swallow

and she got that feeling again,
the one that told her she must do absolutely anything to fix it

we stuck out our tongues and rested the pills on them
like a congregation receiving communion

then we looked up at the stars
and smiled like we had finally found God

give me a thousand options every day

every day I'll pick the boy
who can recite my favorite poem from memory
and never ceases to make me smile

he was the only one who
could see through the black
of her eyes and find
the things she had meant to say

Though you are cold,
(and I try my best to warm you)
your arms are where I melt.

As the rain drummed quiet beats on the window,
I wondered what your favorite song was.

As thousands of books greeted me in rows and on shelves, I wondered if you read poetry.

As I laid in bed, missing your laugh and the smile that goes with it, I realized I don't know much about you.

But as you drove down the highway, windows down, music playing as I sat in the passenger seat,
finally happy,
I knew that I would spend forever learning.

It will only take a moment
ten minutes,
a second,
does it really matter?
It's taking,
grabbing our time,
in the dark alley
at night
prodding us with a gun
buried in our backs
forcing us to let go
and leaving us alone
under the starry sky,
the one that mocks us
with its seeming endlessness
while we stand,
bewildered,
wondering where
the time has gone

you have always stood firm,
blocking my every path,
so I finally released my wrath,
eroding you with an acid tongue,
and going on my merry way

If you told me that I'm beautiful,
I sure wouldn't hate you for it.
If you held my hand,
I wouldn't pull away.
If you asked me for a date,
It'd mean more to me than just passing time.
"I love you"
would be more than just something to say.

It's silly to imagine,
It's silly to pretend,
and I know
You may not know it,
You may not see it,

But, if you took the chance,
I think I could fall in love
with you.

I woke up this morning with a caged heart
and while the caged bird sings,
a heart can only beat harder,
trying to break the cage
or else it aches in its confined space
begging to be free again

I've told myself not to
follow in mother's footsteps
and yet I picked you up like matches,
struck you across the book
until I could find your faults
as you burned, and burned out
I played with you like the lighter in my purse,
flicking you on until I got burned
and let go

The smoke has become a part of me,
the ugly epidermis that I can't shed
and looking in your eyes always
took me back to those glowing walls

I remind myself that
I was born of embers
and curiosity's breath
and though I long to be
passion ablaze,
I am still paper thin

I just can't stop playing with fire

I step out of my car
and walk to the door
ready to be welcomed
by the familiarity of
your home,
your warmth,
your calm,
--the things that make
me smile --
your happiness.
But I am welcomed
by a locked door,
and I can't seem
to remember which
is the spare key
(the one you
lent me months ago)
in the starless night.
I try each one,
willing you to open up --

"Is everything alright?"
Nothing.
"You know you can tell me
anything, right?"
Nothing.
"Why are you upset?"
Nothing.
"Is there anything I can do?"
Nothing.

-- to no success.
I'm locked out,
and I sit here in the dark,
wishing I had a light.

you made me laugh,
you told me stories,
you held the door open,
you made me happy,
and I fell in love

it scares me that you're ready to jump
when I'm not ready for you to fall
what if I can't catch you
and we both end up broken on the floor?

Perhaps Emily said it best
when she said that hope is like a bird
but I believe for some,
hope is much more like a set of keys.
When it's lost,
life gets a lot more worrisome,
and it's hard to function.
But when it's found,
suddenly the world opens up again.

neither of us can see the other
when between us there's this smoke screen
and they've all projected images
so now I'm covered in movie scenes

none of them feel like me

I'm reaching for your hand now
because I don't want you to go
but you can't see me clearly

you don't know what I know

you taste like cinnamon
but you smell like kerosene
my heart is on fire
and my flesh is burning

poetry is expression

it is a window,
a way to open your mind
to new ideas

it is a light,
a way to see things that
had been hidden before

it is a lens,
a way to see the world
from a slightly different view

but most of all,
poetry is a mirror
it is a reflection of the writer
and in the best case,
the readers will see themselves too

poetry is expression

I want to rake down your back
Leaving neat little lines
So I can grow in the cracks

I want to infest every inch of you
Grow vines around your brain
Until you wake up at 3am
Singing my name

She walked on through the trees
The branches stuck out menacingly,
Poiting their knife-like ends at her
And she tried her best to duck around them
One caught her knee
And she silently said a prayer of thanks
Because it missed the open wound on the joint
By a mere three inches
Still, the fresh cut bled just like the rest

This was good luck

She reached the end of the trees
And something strange happened
The corners of her parched lips turned up
Against her will,
As if they didn't understand the weight of gravity,
As if they had forgotten the things that had preceded this forest
The things she wouldn't be able to forget

But oh, it felt so wonderful to *smile

Let me make this very clear.
I am not your arm candy.
I do not exist to be spoiled by you,
and just because I write a poem about some guy I know,
does not mean I'm hopelessly in love with him,
waiting for him to return my affections,
and utterly heartbroken all the while.
In summary:
forget all of the assumptions you've made,
*I don't play by your rules.

His fingertips left trails
Of tingling nerves as they
Gently brushed across her skin
And she smiled because she loved him


Your nails dug into my skin
Leaving me scarred, damaged
Taking away even the smallest pieces of me
And I smiled because you were being kind tonight

missing you was once feeling broken
to miss you was to be afraid
to stand helpless as longing punctured my heart,
seeping a poisonous blend of nostalgia,
guilt, and anger around my lungs
to wait as the ache spread throughout my body bringing
days of discomfort and confusion
a kind of heavy weight that makes smiles impossible
the kind that makes an empty bridge look like open arms
I could sit and miss you until it drove me mad,
until I had lost myself in a cycle
of love, guilt, and hate
my body paralyzed while my mind battled for clarity
to miss you was to cause myself unbearable pain
and yet I couldn't stop as it flowed through my veins,
a drug I couldn't refuse
missing you was was a tornado tearing walls down
until I was left on an empty foundation,
shuddering, breathless, and windswept

but missing you now is like living someplace new,
everything is different but the world isn't ending
where there once were threatening storms,
all that's left is a breath of relief,
an absence of pain that leaves me floating
I remember you like summers past,
Missing you is like flipping through photographs,
I remember you and smile

she looked up at him
as if he were the center of her world
but he saw her as an endless galaxy
before which, he was just a speck

you said love like it was a raft
I pulled you ashore
you pulled me under

I am torn between two paths,
but to make my own is to
leave my fellow travelers behind

II.
you told me that if
I tried to touch the bottom,
I wouldn't make it back up,
so I sit here with empty bottle in hand to
prove you wrong,
and I wish I had told you
how afraid I am of drowning
because I already spend so much time
panicking until I go numb

numb to all but your touch
I spent the winter with
wind-whipped hair and a
jaw set hard

come spring you
removed my outer shell
with gentle hands and softer words
the promise of trouble in your eyes

summer stretched on for centuries
and our skin glowed
white hot to the touch,
we burned each other and said goodbyes


I watch the leaves fall
and assign letters to each one
until the crunching under my feet
sounds like your name

her eyes held words,
planets full of words,
but his held the sun,
and she just couldn't look away

pulling me in with each note,
your fingers struck keys and
my heart struck my ribs with each beat
I want to sing along
but it's so hard when I can't breathe

I told myself you were the sun.
I bathed in the light you radiated.
You warmed me up.
You made me happy again.

But I could never fall asleep
just thinking about you.
It was never that simple,
and it wasn't quite right.

Now I'm looking at old photographs
that I took down from the wall;
there I am, smiling with your arm
wrapped around me -- you were looking away.