neither of us can see the other
when between us there's this smoke screen
and they've all projected images
so now I'm covered in movie scenes

none of them feel like me

I'm reaching for your hand now
because I don't want you to go
but you can't see me clearly

you don't know what I know

you taste like cinnamon
but you smell like kerosene
my heart is on fire
and my flesh is burning

look me in the eyes
I'll turn you to stone
I want to have someone
I won't have to let go

I promise to love you
I won't let you crack
you'll have your own corner
with your very own plaque

darling if you never change,
I'll never have to let you go
look me in the eyes
and let me turn you to stone

I've told myself not to
follow in mother's footsteps
and yet I picked you up like matches,
struck you across the book
until I could find your faults
as you burned, and burned out
I played with you like the lighter in my purse,
flicking you on until I got burned
and let go

The smoke has become a part of me,
the ugly epidermis that I can't shed
and looking in your eyes always
took me back to those glowing walls

I remind myself that
I was born of embers
and curiosity's breath
and though I long to be
passion ablaze,
I am still paper thin

I just can't stop playing with fire

III
In April I suffocate
remembering winter winds
and sickly sweet carnations
Holy Thursday holds
a different meaning in my home
I remember dark dresses & shoes,
I started wearing black
and I never really stopped

II.
you told me that if
I tried to touch the bottom,
I wouldn't make it back up,
so I sit here with empty bottle in hand to
prove you wrong,
and I wish I had told you
how afraid I am of drowning
because I already spend so much time
panicking until I go numb

I.
with your love wrapped
around my throat I couldn't breathe,
you gave it to me without
knowing my faults underneath,
the guilt knocked
the chair out from under my feet,
because I couldn't trust
you and your moonlit teeth