sometimes i feel so distant
i even feel like crying
without knowing why
& it makes me feel lost.
i don't want to go back
to the depressing days
when i could hear voices in my head
& had insomnia
neither to have depressed & suicidal thoughts.
i thought i got over it
i thought i overcome it
but no;
i didn't really do.
you can't just overcome someting
that has being with you for years.
maybe you feel better & better
as the time passes,
but depression will still be there
deep inside you
waiting for you to have a moment of sadness
so it can seize you again
& you better be prepared for it
because it can get you
without you expecting it -unexpectedly.

Life is not easy, life is hard,
but you have the wheel to decide where to go with it,
you can have fun, share with friends,
make a changes in people's minds.
Its a free way, you and only you decide who and where you wanna be.
You can be the next billionaire on the cover of Forbes magazine,
or you can be the drug dealer around the corner.
The s choice its on your hands.
The question is
Who do you wanna be?

When we talk
We reckless teenagers
We rebels without causes
We James Deans of the world

We talk about wanted tattoos
"A 3 on my back"
"Wings"
"On my lip"

And piercings
"My nose"
"My belly button"

And alcohol
"Icelandic chocolate"
"*****"
"Whiskey"

Because we want to do the things
We can't
We're on the edge
The brink

Does that make us reckless?
Greedy?
Something to be laughed at?
It makes us human.
We're greedy.

We want to be different
So we sit in circles
And curse and drink

And play stupid games
Like truth or dare
Because we're reckless
And we talk about ***
Talk back to our parents

Because we worship sarcasm
And complain about how poor we are.

What else can you expect
From artsy
Reckless
Hipster
New York kids?

I love the way you look in the moonlight that filters in through the window
(I love the simple fact that you are here with me in the moonlight)

Your hair smells amazing
(I inhale you every chance I get in every state you are in and hold it in my lungs because I want it to intoxicate me)

Your hair looks fantastic
(it floats downward from the top of your brilliant mind and cascades like your thoughts, pours like your words in our half-drunk midnight conversations)

Your smile is so pretty
(when you smile at me it lights me up and makes me feel, if even for an instant in this time of my life that is so shambled and broken, whole)

Can I have a hug?
(hold me, embrace me, envelope me, if only to let me know you are real)

Let’s go to bed
(where I can confuse physical love with emotional, take refuge in confirming our relationship with *** because it’s easier than risking my whole trust, easier than leaving myself bare before you with the certainty that one day, eventually, you will tear my heart out and crush it)

No, that’s ridiculous. Why would you say that?
(I’m terrified that you know me so well)

I don’t think I can make it tonight
(I’m terrified that you know me so well)

Can’t we talk?
(I get it, you backed away because I did but I’m going to blame you because I can’t blame myself, don’t you see? Can’t you see how utterly self-absorbed I am but also woefully lacking self-confidence? I refuse to share any of this with you, I can’t let you know it but if you saw it I’d acknowledge it, at least I think I will, and you know me so well so why can’t you see it)

I don’t think we should see each other anymore
(please, please, please make me realize how utterly foolish I am. Please slap me and scream at me)

Say something
(your total lack of reaction destroys me more than anything)

You look really pretty
(so beautiful, majestic, magnificent and I love you. I love the tears I have made you cry so silently and I hate myself so much for this moment because of that. I love you and only now as you walk away do I realize it)

Fine. Go.
(the ease with which you leave is painful and will linger for years)

…
(Please stop walking, please. I was wrong. Please.)