the sting it brings to your heart
the water it brings to your eyes
the sickness it brings to your stomach
So, how does it feel?
feeling what you have done to me?
do you enjoy the pain?
now suddenly you feel this way.
now you feel the regret.
now you feel disease you gave to me.
I was always there for you.
I gave you my trust.
I gave you my happiness.
& you crushed it with me along with it.

NO !
no , there's no more chances.
NO!
no, there's no more pity.
NO!
no, there's no more sympathy.
NO!
there is no more.
I cant take this anymore.

So, how does it feel?
how does it feel like to be like me?
how does it feel to see, what you made me to be?
how could you betray the ONLY girl
that gave you nothing but her love ?
her life to fulfill your happiness?
just to see your smile?
just to feel your touch?
just you.

& you betrayed me.

How does it feel silly boy?
to lose the only girl that loved you as much
as I did.

Just tell me.
How does it feel?

How does it feel.

" are you alright? "
I don't know am I ?
do I look like it?
does it seem like it?
do I act like it?
am I alright?
you tell me.
Leave me alone!
leave me alone!
im so numb I cant feel the pain anymore!
Go away!
go away!
please please, why wont you walk away?
Cant you see it?
CANT YOU SEE IT!
I don't smile like I used to.
laugh like I used to.
love like I used to.
Are you just playing?

does it look like I can handle this?
does it look like im strong enough?
every second.
I cry more.
I sigh more.
I want to die more.
every minute
I scream more.
I sleep more.
every hour
I punch the walls more.
I count my scars more.
every day
cant you see the look in my eyes?
so now you tell me,
does it look like im alright?

I want to feel the sensation
of screaming.
of singing.
I want to feel the vibrations
ring through my finger tips
of an electric guitar,
to my hand
up my arm
& harmonize together in my head.
from the thunder beats of the drums.
from the screeches of the crowd
to the friends behind the stage.
the screams through the speakers.
the rumble of my feet
as I stomp the stage
to please my desire to become insane.
to become free.
I am who I am.
I raise the metal sign in the air.
I raise my middle fingers in the air.
I raise my fists in the air.
I smile with sweat racing down my face
down my back.


I want to feel the sensation
of screaming.
of singing.
I will take the stage.
I will amaze the crowd.

I am such a metal head.

I want to fight.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.

im tired of holding this inside me.
the wolf inside howls with pain.
howls with longing.
howls with rage.

I want to punch the walls.
break the windows.
throw away the memories.
where is my voice?
where is my strength?
where is the air?

I growl with frustration.
I claw with confusion
I howl with rage.
I breath with sadness.


i refuse to contain it any longer.
run free!
run away!
save yourself precious beast,
show yourself.
show your rage.

nothing has ever hurt more.
word after word
sentence after sentence
it hits me.
breath after breath
excuse after excuse
makes it worse.
is this it?
is this where I stand with you?
is this who I am?

1
we kissed.
we touched.
we went far.
we were a huge MISTAKE.
I cry knowing what I've done.

2
we kissed.
we touched.
we went far.
you played,
but stayed.
I cry, I weep,
I scream myself to sleep.
im attached.
but I cant hold you down.
please be mine.

3
we kissed.
we touched.
we stopped.
you had her,
but came to me.
I cant see.
im blind from this defeat.
do you remember these words?

" you always fall for the wrong guys. "

I do.

& you were one of them.



I don't know who to believe.
who am I?
is this it?
am I a ***?
a ****?


because of a kiss?
a touch?

I don't know the answer.
someone please tell me.


*Is This Where I Stand?

my wonderland.
filled with such beauty
never touched with imperfections.
my wonderland.
clouds shaped like flowers
sky crystal blue.
my wonderland.
everything up to my expectations
im never to be disappointed.
my wonderland.
talking fairies with beautiful voices
dragons with jade skin
flying through the sky with grace.
my wonderland.
a kingdom above the clouds,
Above the sky!
my wonderland.
a fire dancer will mirror my loves face.
my wonderland.
my sweet sweet wonderland.
I will be there some day.

Little boy
do you feel all the extra weight
on your shoulders & legs?
This world keeps
suffocating you with expectations
you don't know how to live up to.

Child
do you feel the pressure?
invisible hands tighten around
your pale thick throat.
leaving you gasping for sweet oxygen.

you have held it in for so long.
now its your time
to prove them all wrong.
break away
from their stupidity
their selfishness

They want to see you transform
away from your soft weak skin.
MAKE THEM GO AWAY!
Realize you cant do it if your afraid!

your so clueless.
you don't know how strong
your mind has become.

Don't run away.
Don't be a coward.
Spit out the words
that leave an endless echo
inside your precious mind!
your eyes radiate the everlasting anger.

BLOCK EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.
The pressure
is too overwhelming for your youth!
Days go by
& your happiness seems to drain away.
use this to your advantage against it all!
don't let the pressure
make every breath
harder & harder to take.

Little boy.
don't collapse under the pressure.
don't let them win.

Am I wrong?
to cry?
to be distressed?
Am I wrong?
to hold so much anger?
Am I wrong?
to have the desire
to scream my life away?
Am I wrong?
to constantly feel betrayed?
mistreated?
misunderstood?
Am I wrong?
to think this way?
to act this way?
Am I wrong?
to still love you?
Am I wrong?
to regret?
to stress?
Am I wrong?
please tell me!
don't abandon me!
please help me . . .
Am I wrong?
to complain?
to show my emotions?
Am I wrong?
to feel this way?
Am I wrong?
to feel so alone?
Am I wrong?
tell me!
please . . .
AM I WRONG!
to be scared?
to be a coward?
to be different?
to be violent?
to be so cold?
Am I wrong?
to be looking for you?
to be attached?
Am I wrong?
to be here?
to be with you?
to laugh with you?
to miss you?
to be happy with you beside me?
Am I wrong?
Tell me!
why wont you tell me!
please
just give me an answer!!
AM I WRONG!?

They tear you apart
piece by piece
skin from bone
screams piercing the deep sky
notice as every souls falls
you stand frozen in place
their counting down your being.
Struggling Boy
there is nothing you can do
nothing you can say
to undo your choice
you made a mistake.
your punishment
is their judgment
watch the souls fall!
as you stand frozen in place
their counting down your being.
TICK
TICK
TICK
your time grows short

Stupid girl
                                                  why am I stupid?
you have failed.
                                                   I hated my life then.
you have no brain    
                                                   then how do I write this?
you have no heart    
                                                   how am I still alive?
your such a disappointment
                                                  ­ please don't say that.
your a criminal
                                                   I just want to be noticed.
your weird
                                                   no. I'm just different.
your nothing
                                                   look at your self first.

Stupid girl
haven't you learned this yet?
They don't have the right.
how can they know more about YOU
then YOU do?
poor girl.
their right.
you truly are stupid.

Mommy
when you smoke do you see my face?
is that why you continue?
Mommy
when your stressed am I the reason?
at home
I am known as Mommy's little mistake
Mommy
do you hate what I've become?
is that why you don't like spending your day with me?
Mommy
don't worry I am fine
I know your to busy to even spare the time
Mommy
I need to know
will you ever tell me?
am I the daughter you never wanted?
I am known as mommy's little mistake
Mommy
do I make your heart beat fast with anger?
do I make your veins pump faster
when I disobey you?
I must make you frustrated
when I just want to live
life as best as I can.
the way I want to.
Mommy
am I your little mistake?
I must be.
I am a disappointment
to our family.
Poor Mommy
She doesn't realize how much it hurts me to know
I AM Mommy's little mistake

it was so easy
forgetting about me.
replacing me.
peeling me away as if I was a scab.
like I was nothing.
worthless.
was it easy for you
leaving me behind?
we were so close.
never separated.
and it only took
One sentence
One Demand
5 words maybe even six
One Thought
One Breath
to end a 2 year friendship
was it that easy for you?
I thought NOTHING
could break us apart.
I thought you wouldn't leave me
like my past friends.
now your in line with them.
was it that EASY?!
I'm still attached
but you cut the skin that once combined us

You left me alone.
to walk this path carrying your burden.
Why are you walking away?
was it something I've done?
will I be judged alone?
you never said sorry
will I ever feel the same?

REALEASE YOUR SCREAM

why should I endure this pain alone?
I now grieve for what could've been.
am I not good enough?
am I just a toy?
for your amusement?
enjoyment?


you left me alone.
to walk this path carrying your burden.
why are you running away?!
why don't you help me?!

am I  nothing?
am I just a body
for your delicate fingers to touch?
to burn your eyes across my skin?
to use me?

RELEASE YOUR SCREAM

why should I be silenced!
the guilt eats me alive
to my bones.
I am so ashamed.
WHAT HAVE I DONE!
I COULDVE STOPPED IT!
I COULDVE SAID NO!
but I didn't.
I am selfish
in it for my own pleasure.

RELEASE YOUR SCREAM

I feel the force of air rip through
my throat.
and the pain feels too good.
Understand this now.
I made a mistake.

I RELEASE THIS SCREAM

Don't give into the dark.
don't let this haunt you.
don't feel guilty.
it wasn't your fault
don't be sad
Poor girl,
look up.
keep your head high.
choke the tears back inside.
don't let this ruin you.
hold on.
I wont leave you.
I'll stay beside you.
don't be afraid
don't be depressed
Poor girl,
show your smile
Regain your spark.

can you hear me?
when I'm next to you
my heart struggles with breaking my ribs
to burst through my chest.
I grow dizzy
knowing you might feel the same
the possibility hurting my mind.
when you touch me I have no self control
when your eyes lay upon me
the energy makes me tense
with such a force I freeze still.
I'm unable to speak.
what is that noise?
my heart.
Can you hear me?

Don't speak.
your voice can no longer ring through my ears
Don't speak
your actions scream more than your words
Don't speak
I cant bear to hear the way
your emotions run through your throat.
your vocal cords vibrate through your chest.
I must block out your existence.
drown your image in a wave of sound.
Don't speak
please just
DONT SPEAK

sweet. quiet. obedient.
never once disobeyed your parents wishes.
so controlling they are.
never allowing you to be less than perfect.
Poor child
bullied constantly. taken advantage of.
how can you let this out?
well only you know poor child.
look into your stomach
and take a deep breath.
SCREAM CHILD SCREAM!
at your parents who believe
you should be beyond perfect!
SCREAM CHILD SCREAM!
don't hold back!
take action!
be rebellious towards
you dear mommy and daddy!
choking you with demands!
scream to those bullies
that never stopped judging you!
SCREAM CHILD SCREAM !
SCREAM CHILD SCREAM!
because you may never get this chance again!
scream now before life
takes itself away from you!
before you go insane!
before they lock your mind!
the chains you feel now child
wont go away till you resist!
your chains tighten
and restrain your legs!
your arms!
your voice!
SCREAM CHILD SCREAM!
the fire you feel in your chest
let it burn it is your freedom!
oh please child,
please scream!
scream for your misery!
restraint!
your desire to become normal!
child this will only end once
you scream!
use that fire inside you!
don't let this carry on forever!
don't let the oxygen escape without shouts of protest!
SCREAM CHILD SCREAM!
for all the pain
you have to endure everyday!
SCREAM CHILD SCREAM!
take a deep breath like its
your last!
SCREAM CHILD SCREAM!
for that make your heart
ache every single day!
for the freedom that was taken away
because your young!
for all the painful things those bullies said!
for your mind!
your sanity!
do it for your pride!
yourself!
a chance to become normal!
to be free from their hold!
So please!

SCREAM CHILD SCREAM!