i saw you in a strangers face
the other day
i missed a breath in that moment
of karmic trickery

i saw you in the reflection of a window
while i was out to lunch
and my lover caught me staring
into the empty space
outside

i saw you in my dream on the night
i couldn't sleep alone
apparently, I tossed and turned
And twitched until
I whispered your name aloud.

i saw you in the waking heat
of the morning sun
the curiousity of envy kept us half asleep
my only groggy answers escaped
the narrow crease in my lips
my unrequited
my muse
my love

my bed left empty
once again.

I bet she is happier now.
She is beautiful.
I hope she is told frequently.
She is simple.
and I am complicated.
She is able.
I am a hindrance.
She is intelligent.
I am foolish.
She is a visionary.
I am unromantic.
She's the enthusiast.
I am the admirer
Of all she does.
I gasp at her beauty.
I bet she is happier now.
She is beautiful,
and I am not.

It was summer '95
When I decided to get back home
Seeing that old little town I kinda miss
Where I met my high school friends like 5 years ago,
Dated some famous guys from the football team,
Then graduated with honors, finally

First stop was my old house
I swear I could still hear
My father's laugh,
My mother's deep breath,
Or those strange noises my little brother used to make while sleeping

I stepped into my room
Got lost in some random teenage memories for a while
But I was fine...
In fact, I smiled
My eyes just caught something, right at the corner

It was a phone
And it was my favorite
Cause back then when I was young
There was this boy who always stayed on the other side
Waiting for me to pick it up
So the cable could resonate my voice into his right ear
Probably his heart, too

Late at night, I still remember
When anxieties ate a half of our bravery
We started singing a lovely lullaby
And when the lyrics didn't make any senses anymore
We stopped, just to count each other's breaths
Until the sun kissed the night sky above our sleepy heads

But it was my fault
I was too young and naïve for understanding love and its game
That's why I kept on dancing inside the fire
Thinking it was peaceful and warm
Ignoring the ringing alarm
Not knowing even the smallest spark could burn me down

The nightmare began that night,
When I called him and he wasn't there
I thought oh well, maybe he was busy?
So I drove to his house at 10 pm
Just to drop my heart and let it sink

There he was
Kissing my friend at his lame party
Without even inviting me
When I stood in front of the opened door
A bottle clanked
The ticking clock paused for a second
Then he screamed my name, saying he was sorry
But everything around me had turned into a black and white photograph
I couldn't hear anything
I couldn't feel anything

People on the street looked at me curiously
As I ran away with tears on my pale face
I didn't really care
I slammed my car door and pushed the gas pedal really hard
Hoping winds would blow the pain away
But it never did

At home I blasted the radio on
Soaking myself in sad love songs
I spent that night crying
And the next night
And the night after the next night

A knock on the door woke me up from this long and gloomy nostalgia
I took a deep breath and stepped out of my room
My husband had been standing there, waiting for me
'what did you find?' he asked while grabbing my right hand
'nothing,' I shrugged. 'Just a life lesson.'
He laughed and sneaked into my room

'That was the phone you used to call me when we were teenagers...?'

The nostalgia flashed inside my head once again;
There my husband was
Screaming my name
Saying he was sorry