nothing has ever hurt more.
word after word
sentence after sentence
it hits me.
breath after breath
excuse after excuse
makes it worse.
is this it?
is this where I stand with you?
is this who I am?

1
we kissed.
we touched.
we went far.
we were a huge MISTAKE.
I cry knowing what I've done.

2
we kissed.
we touched.
we went far.
you played,
but stayed.
I cry, I weep,
I scream myself to sleep.
im attached.
but I cant hold you down.
please be mine.

3
we kissed.
we touched.
we stopped.
you had her,
but came to me.
I cant see.
im blind from this defeat.
do you remember these words?

" you always fall for the wrong guys. "

I do.

& you were one of them.



I don't know who to believe.
who am I?
is this it?
am I a ***?
a ****?


because of a kiss?
a touch?

I don't know the answer.
someone please tell me.


*Is This Where I Stand?

my wonderland.
filled with such beauty
never touched with imperfections.
my wonderland.
clouds shaped like flowers
sky crystal blue.
my wonderland.
everything up to my expectations
im never to be disappointed.
my wonderland.
talking fairies with beautiful voices
dragons with jade skin
flying through the sky with grace.
my wonderland.
a kingdom above the clouds,
Above the sky!
my wonderland.
a fire dancer will mirror my loves face.
my wonderland.
my sweet sweet wonderland.
I will be there some day.

Little boy
do you feel all the extra weight
on your shoulders & legs?
This world keeps
suffocating you with expectations
you don't know how to live up to.

Child
do you feel the pressure?
invisible hands tighten around
your pale thick throat.
leaving you gasping for sweet oxygen.

you have held it in for so long.
now its your time
to prove them all wrong.
break away
from their stupidity
their selfishness

They want to see you transform
away from your soft weak skin.
MAKE THEM GO AWAY!
Realize you cant do it if your afraid!

your so clueless.
you don't know how strong
your mind has become.

Don't run away.
Don't be a coward.
Spit out the words
that leave an endless echo
inside your precious mind!
your eyes radiate the everlasting anger.

BLOCK EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.
The pressure
is too overwhelming for your youth!
Days go by
& your happiness seems to drain away.
use this to your advantage against it all!
don't let the pressure
make every breath
harder & harder to take.

Little boy.
don't collapse under the pressure.
don't let them win.

Am I wrong?
to cry?
to be distressed?
Am I wrong?
to hold so much anger?
Am I wrong?
to have the desire
to scream my life away?
Am I wrong?
to constantly feel betrayed?
mistreated?
misunderstood?
Am I wrong?
to think this way?
to act this way?
Am I wrong?
to still love you?
Am I wrong?
to regret?
to stress?
Am I wrong?
please tell me!
don't abandon me!
please help me . . .
Am I wrong?
to complain?
to show my emotions?
Am I wrong?
to feel this way?
Am I wrong?
to feel so alone?
Am I wrong?
tell me!
please . . .
AM I WRONG!
to be scared?
to be a coward?
to be different?
to be violent?
to be so cold?
Am I wrong?
to be looking for you?
to be attached?
Am I wrong?
to be here?
to be with you?
to laugh with you?
to miss you?
to be happy with you beside me?
Am I wrong?
Tell me!
why wont you tell me!
please
just give me an answer!!
AM I WRONG!?

They tear you apart
piece by piece
skin from bone
screams piercing the deep sky
notice as every souls falls
you stand frozen in place
their counting down your being.
Struggling Boy
there is nothing you can do
nothing you can say
to undo your choice
you made a mistake.
your punishment
is their judgment
watch the souls fall!
as you stand frozen in place
their counting down your being.
TICK
TICK
TICK
your time grows short

Stupid girl
                                                  why am I stupid?
you have failed.
                                                   I hated my life then.
you have no brain    
                                                   then how do I write this?
you have no heart    
                                                   how am I still alive?
your such a disappointment
                                                  ­ please don't say that.
your a criminal
                                                   I just want to be noticed.
your weird
                                                   no. I'm just different.
your nothing
                                                   look at your self first.

Stupid girl
haven't you learned this yet?
They don't have the right.
how can they know more about YOU
then YOU do?
poor girl.
their right.
you truly are stupid.

Mommy
when you smoke do you see my face?
is that why you continue?
Mommy
when your stressed am I the reason?
at home
I am known as Mommy's little mistake
Mommy
do you hate what I've become?
is that why you don't like spending your day with me?
Mommy
don't worry I am fine
I know your to busy to even spare the time
Mommy
I need to know
will you ever tell me?
am I the daughter you never wanted?
I am known as mommy's little mistake
Mommy
do I make your heart beat fast with anger?
do I make your veins pump faster
when I disobey you?
I must make you frustrated
when I just want to live
life as best as I can.
the way I want to.
Mommy
am I your little mistake?
I must be.
I am a disappointment
to our family.
Poor Mommy
She doesn't realize how much it hurts me to know
I AM Mommy's little mistake