"The more you hate, the more you love."

Her eyes widened in my direction as if she knew it would stitch itself like a knife into my temporal lobe, which in turn caused my memories to be severed into oozing mush coming out like stuttered words and physical reactions.

So
my memories pooled all around my eyes causing them to shut closed in an instant while I envisioned the first time our teeth clashed from our first kiss and just the thought felt as if someone struck a blow to my stomach because I took a sharp breath in and yelled stop! to no one in particular except my own desires.

So
I remembered when I asked you why you'd been so cold and you couldn't even make a sound to assure me you were even alive and I followed that question with if you had hated me that much, so much so that I wasn't even worth an explanation and I was relieved when you said no but now I'm starting to realize that maybe you never really loved me at all.

gd

It's weird.
Some days I will have complete periods of strength
that reach till the ends of my nails and the tips of my split ends,
then some days I am drained completely from head to toe.

As if I am the rigid metal that carries lightning currents
downwards into the earthy ground -
emotionless exterior but interior chaos.
And if I was a storm I would be the circumference:

Hectic and reckless causing havoc in my path
when all I ever long for is to reach the eye of my own destruction;
to touch the absolute stillness of its centre;
the becoming and acceptance of the right here and right now.

But I am never here; I am everywhere all the time.

I am the rain that falls even when the sun
is shining on the bare skin on your backs.
I am the gasp after shock and the light ringing
in your ears hidden behind the invisible vibrato in the air.

I am the strength and the weakness;
I am the hurricane all together,
attaching myself to imaginary homes
I made out of the rubble of temporary emotions.

And maybe that is why
I cannot seem to hold onto anything long enough.
Or when the storm reaches its peak, maybe that is why
I cannot seem to let go quickly enough either.

gd

Everybody is falling in love
                 and I'm just falling further
                 into the depths of some
                 monstrous black hole I dug in
                 the back wall of my closet.

Everybody is falling in love
                 and I'm just falling asleep
                 under some mysterious concoction
                 you injected into me when I got caught up
                 in your faulty promises, but I should have known
                 that you were nothing but an awful distraction

Everybody is falling in love
                 and I can't help but remind myself that these clouds above me
                 will only remain grey until some external force sweeps me off my feet
                 and carries me towards the highest mountains with a stunning view,
                 and he'll set me on the ground and I'll make a run for the edge
                 only to think twice before jumping off because

                 you ruined me in all the right places  
                 just to make sure everything felt so wrong after you left.

Everybody is falling in love**
                 and I can't help but notice that the weather seems to be looking up
                 and I can't help but hope for it to come crashing down;
                 for the sea to break through the cracks in the concrete
                 so I'll never have to see your face again
                 and you'll never get to see hers either.

gd

My biggest flaw always seems to be
holding onto things too tightly
so much so that when I finally gain
the strength to let them go, they only
end up sitting battered and broken in
the palms of my hands
                                            stuck to the fibres
                                            of my fingertips.

gd