I lie in the sand under the palm tree
Sand between the toes, crashing in the sea.
I count the stars, for the seventh time now
With the moon out, I nearly forget how

My meals come few, and far in between.
Could the fish be sparser, so it would seem
There's so much time between my feasts to think
Ocean surrounds, yet not a drop to drink.

I ponder at the moon and recognize
How its hue reveals the deceit and lies
You, my misty moon, I remember you
When I saw you last, in agony, too.

Those I held dearest left me here to rot
To wander about, within pain and thought
To fend for myself and survive alone
And march ahead in bracing the unknown

I lie in wait tearing my own nails
Wondering what first will come, death or sails?
Until then, I'll forsake those who left me.
And draw closer to the sun whilst I be.

If beauty had a name,
Oh, what would it be?
It’d be more dazzling,
Than the entire sea.

If beauty had a face
I know what I’d see.
Such looks would bring
To Heaven, jealousy.

The fires a hue away
From love, show beauty
And the mind’s eye,
Encircled by blue sea.

Such lips of redness,
That utter to me.
As lovely as the dawn,
On the eastern sea.

But we could not mirror
Each other you see.
For we both draft left,
As I write this for she.

But on the chosen isle
Out on this blue sea;
Beauty has but a name,
Amanda, that it should be.

The wildlife of the forests
Galloping, crawling, scattering,
The harmony of the ecosystem
The essence of beauty upon Earth

The sea and all that inhabit it
From the irredescant coral reef
To the abyss of the ocean floor
All life enveloped in a circle

The human race and their cities
Eracting to the skies, higher, higher,
To build and reflect this world.
And acquire dominance and understanding.

A man working for tomorrow's promotion
Companies building onto the future
An expecant mother planning for her newborn
A single tree beginning to grow...

The signs of tomorrow beget themselves
Alas, they are the subjects of fate
For a single blue jay hears...
A thundering whistle.

Silence.

Oh! The destruction that ensues!
The earth trembles and lava scorches
Every organism falls to the ground
For here lies the next part of the cycle.

Armageddon.

The glistening spherical platform
Capturing the eye with a hue,
Of transparent blue.
Within the center of a twinkle
On blue and admiration,
No dust or cover exists,
Polish every day
By master art creator
A stone appraised,
With no price,
Irreplaceable individuality.

A gem
Full of its warmth
Held closest to me.
And upon my heart.

The noise surrounding misbehaves;
The presence of devotion.
Covenants made until the graves,
Or some heart's first emotion.

The adorned comforts in delight,
She is curled up yet open;
Clingy with ladybug wings bright
And the actions soft-spoken.

Deep within a chamber of blood
This pinprick of loneliness,
Pulsing with an empty deep thud;
Wishing the same - to caress.

Manifesting reticence of the engine of life
Is the gateway to emancipation of adoration.

If I myself am glorified by a refined opposite,
Exclusively shall I reverberate that passion.

Upon the spring of a time once past,
An introduction was conducted by one
To another where the time would come.
And meet later to make acquaintance last.
He dwelt upon the memory, held it fast,
Kept its contents from seeming numb.

In repose he lay charmed once more,
By her charm, her smile and hair.
For he gave a smile to his lady fair
Unconscious to his thought at the core.
And the echo through his ear evermore.
"Hello, stranger" with amicable care.

He then aged threescore days.
Never forgetting his memory.
Reminding always will there she be
With physical absence and spiritual craze.
Storing the face in a foggy haze,
Gaping into the void in reverie.

We're not going to get over this
No common sense anywhere in sight
Strangers merely passing in the night
To what end are we arriving at?
Love is breaking and hearts are aching.

You ask and take and never give back
Know that you are testing my limits
The final straw snaps within my fist
Rules don't matter to you anymore,
And I'm about to blow the whistle
So do I keep trying to love you?
Do I labor on and work things out?
I stand upon undecisive ground.

A needle's fall is heard around you
Full blown looks of ice upon your face...
Commitment's not a part of your world.
What is it you really want from me?
I'm having a hard time loving you
Thinking of the tension on the line
Of fear and doubt, whenever it snaps.

You don't understand how I see you
Wouldn't you be different if you could?
Get a clue, you aren't acting yourself.
This wonderful heart that I once met
From the dove to the hungry raven
Any hope I had is almost lost
Other times I know we can make it
Guy and girl, we can come together

I want you to see my heart tearing
Just glance inside my eyes and witness
Wanna know how my heart still lives?
Tell me, would you glance in the mirror?
You who became something so obtuse?
How can you toss away my feelings?
I'm breaking down, do you not see me?
Feeling is lost and the mind is numb

Gotta show you where we are in time
Make you see the darkness between us
You are blind, but let me help you see
Understand my despairing last cry

Never more will you play with my time,
Gonna set you straight, put you in line.
Give me your true, everloving heart
You will really truly be surprised
Up above, read the first word on every line.

Upon the tides of sea
There agreed upon an armistice
And impossible reconciliation
Between mind and heart.

Thy Immortal Voyage travels on,
And another isle is found
One of purity, and clear skies,
Just is the last.
Only the way shimmers.

Now the alliance
Is torn from ahead,
And behind.

A virus overwhelmed me
One as quite unique
Different from all others,
Failing to power leak.

Infestations come and go,
But this one wants to stay
No matter anyone’s acts,
It doesn’t go away.

I fought it strong and long
Foiling to my win
Maybe it’d be painless
If I would just give in.

A plague one of a kind
Haunting until so,
A copy is made and sent
Conjuring a friend from foe

Then they’ll live in harmony
The virus and ourselves.
And perhaps a later day,
To hear the wedding bells.

This virus will destroy me
And not my love for her
It begs to differ
But why would it destroy itself?

I need the aid of alien game,
A virus fights a virus
Only one will take hold
And the last standing
Will be cut down
Into the abyss.

Touch is out of touch --
The smell of perfume, foreign.

I miss her smile.
Whose smile?
Her smile.

No words can fill the -- exhale.

There commenced a prevalent day
A day that was my own
My head being full of insanity
For if only I had known
Ere I found peace hath escaped me.
Desire had complete *******
A desire which had for years starved
What quickly came an abomination.
For it had such awesome denial
And even asked for devotion
Before it or I could even think twice
I felt a change of emotion
Such a change that said failure
So hence it finally left
I came to thee, and checked around,
It committed a great theft
Before I looked into my soul,
And was blind at what was there
Now again in peace I find
Happiness, cause I care.

Marooned on lovelorn isle
Many a tear over our misunion
Waiting for a loving rescue
From my first immortal

Thus the story a dozen moons
Wasted time of summer lust
Trapped myself within iron pillars
Hidden away in rotten rust.

I surmise now childish ways
Envying your loveful life
Not accepting myself inside
Killing myself within my heart.

I took away from myself
Trying to be with you,
Crying being without you.
Now I realize unfairness.

I was childish to you
My only friend, unable
To accept issue that
Forgot my utmost desire.

I'm truly sorry my friend
I don't want to be cold,
Anymore.

So oft I delayed and waited
For I meddled only within my own affairs
I only became something I would come to hate
And failed to provide you with all my cares.

My heart now, resides with your hand
The choice between an orange or an apple
Oh, which of the two is more bitter?
Oh, which provides a superior sample?

Which I am in which hand, I know not
Yet let me cry for what I may be!
We have arrived at the crossroads
Before ye steer, observe my story.

In the beginning, I left the womb
And times of many moons passed away
Till the time came with craftiness I,
Assembled a ship to sail the ocean sway.

Twas the first chosen isle at sea,
And I commenced to approach in naivety
Fierce was the reef surrounding all
Though I caught glimpse she cast me to sea.

So on I sailed and stumbled upon
Another isle I felt worthy of time
Yet already populated I did not last
She was already sinking - a foreboding sign

A score of moons later did I flee
To eventually find a better one beam
For my miles at sea were providing me
A chance to prove myself less green

This sanctuary that held no silver
Yet to me was pristine and true
But yet I know not a secret it held
And yet at the end my time was off cue

I wallow through the ocean's rage
Discontent and bitter at the helm
Until one day a shipmate cried out,
"Land **!" Thus entering a new realm.

Upon this isle, it was as no other
Something pure about it captivates so
An air about instilled the fear of God
So exploring what majesty I did not know

And glorious the findings, I took delight!
Proceeding on with a cheerful fright
Over a score of moons I rejoiced
Basking within the dew ever moist.

Yet then did I tarry and labor to,
And cut down many a precious tree
Stomping the reef, ruining around
All my actions, how blind could I be?

Oh woe!  Twas there mutiny yet,
For in my slumber a shipmate schemed.
And whilst the dark ruled o'er the sky
He untethered me for an isle redeemed

In a jolt, in a panic, I arose and woke
For was I already distant in the seas
And stricken with agony, what could I do?
Yet here I am, at the bow, on my knees...

For all the glory the work my hands bring,
What does it matter?
If I'm alone...

For if on stage I walk with Latin praise?
What does it matter?
If I'm alone...

For a handshake high and a pat on the back
What does it matter?
If I'm alone...

For upon every exploration of this world,
What does it matter?
If I'm alone...

For the moments of laughter and moments of cheer,
What does it matter?
If I'm alone...

There are only so many isles worthy of sea.
On my knees, I pray I'm carried back that way.
For mayst it take over one hundred moons more...

To discover an isle at sea,
Just as thee.

I had offered my heart to you one day,
But by then you had given it away.
The pains of time realize with dismay,
Again it was cast out to be a stray.

The wells of my eyes and soul are finally dry
So nature cries for me as rain falls from the sky
I find devotion and loyalty falling in supply
And there lies no shelter to run to nearby.

The magic of emotion dwindling in disbelief
As I step down these final stages of grief.
Ten moons I have been blind victim to a thief
And I find myself leaving your coral reef.

Now I lack an essential essence to my soul.
No one to drive for or to share a goal
I become more pathetic sinking into this hole
And experiencing a lack of self control.

The harmony of my heart is again off key
And unless I am called upon I shall idle at sea
For six moons more as mind and heart agree.
Tis for safety at heart by the mind's decree.

Written: July 19, 2006 @ 10:27 AM CDT

Opening the door of silence
Walking in, absorbing it, the musty smell
The tranquility not mighty enough
To vanquish the babble of the world.
Yet, here, here the footsteps echo,
Until my seat arrives, and there I am.
This is my sanctuary,
And none may touch me.

For my fingers stride and slide
Attempting to mimic the geniuses of the past
Their beautiful gift I try to hear
Only two senses keen here, of ear and eye
My heart warms to the reverberations around
And my sight upon my fingers, guiding
This is my sanctuary
And all may hear me.

And then my gaze lifts up, echoes know
The emptiness within the infrastructure
Thoughts cross, the echoes continue on
All for myself, the broken silence is.
But the silence stands in harmony with it
The gift of geniuses past.
This is my sanctuary
Yet I am alone.

When you do not know what to say
Do you say anything at all?
How has this feeling escaped me?
Does the ground rise so I don't fall?

Where is the tale of two hearts?
What, my heart, are you concealing?
I wander through my misty past,
And ponder that dear old feeling.

And to you, I speak, I indulge
That flutter of the butterfly
Felt inside me, seeking your hand
Certain as the waves of the sea.

Yet this next echelon of love
With no allegiance to malign,
Still do I sail the vast grand seas,
Until another heart meets mine.

How I wish the blade upon you
Your lips are benign to all
Yet your heart, malignant.

You believe that you know my pain
That you think I deserve it all
So should I gouge your heart?
To give you a sample of it?

You had no shame to embrace
One committed to another
Your selfish ambitions are the death
Of you.

You're not even worth the dust of Earth
Your touch of cold
The steel of Brutus' dagger,
Into Caesar's back.

Oh how your statue has evolved,
You never cared about me
Brutus.

For if I am true of your intentions,
Then God's judgment will rain upon you.

He dances with dames and dresses all
Donning the tuxedo to shame the penguin
Whisping in mystery in coattails around.
He's the talk of tycoons, bumble of business
His scalp itches with flakes of gold.

Above his pristine he is true genuine
Motives pure with a smile of pearls
His benign benevolence abounding in love
A voice of warmth, soothing and true
Many a hand will lie upon his chest.

And even upon conclusion of clamber,
This mask remain affixed upon him.
Jealousy overwhelmed the raccoon at sight,
For the drive of desire for his mask
Runs parallel to seeking honor of a medal.

Yet when the moon is nigh at repose
This masked man, the valiant benefactor,
Dares to die and dance with the devil
And be consumed with torment in dreams
Waking to don the mask, hiding again.

What am I supposed to think
To see
To do

As the crime scene grows,
I make connections, perhaps false
Perhaps true.

I take the evidence, analyze it
Scrutinize it,
Hope I find the one responsible

And so begins the interrogations,
Crucial questionings,
The agony of not knowing...

Before it happens again,
Another crime scene.
Hopefully I can prevent it.

Or is the next one,
Just around the block?

No matter how black or blue
No matter how brown or green
Between creation and destruction
Our heart is an open door
With arms wide open
Always welcoming you,
To our hospitality.

A single soul lays on the corner
Abandoned, lonely for the time.
Its vessel has left it there to cry in silence
For that soul has no medium, no outlet to use

These words are before perfection
A monotone within soulless mind
The toil of the environment would be enough
For if the soul were present to weep the tears

No joy or pleasure, desire lacking
A constant dredge through swamp
Eyelids flutter unsynchronous to the sun
Behold life of instincts and irrelevant singals

Written: March 28, 2006 @ 9:33 AM CST

Would you be my friend?
Yet in time, I gripe with Plato.
Could you be my friend?
Socrates and Gorgias spar...

These bandages can only be shrouded.
Underneath grains of sand
Falling upon this dune.

During every heartbeat
One thousand grains agument this mound
Within every heartbeat
The earth spins away from day's light.

Time shortens between friend and foe
Their pearls are rusty now
I simply wait for sand.

Through my crystal cradle of life
Does the light shine,
Yet in the shadow of darkness,
Appears the black light and shatters
My precious crystal cradle of life.
Losing what thought mine,
A reality check deemed heartless,
Sprouting an insanity of what to me matters.

Of thine crystal cradle of life
The ground meeting knees
Rampaging to gather lost shards
Uncaring of the blood-stained grass
To know my crystal cradle of life
A crystal collection disease
Of which defying all my guards
Just to comprehend my blood dripping glass.

Mental Insanity
Creating imaginative hallucinations
Of true records
Within my brain.

Consisting all of the one I love
From recreation until lust
Yet one sends me
To hell and forward.

This of the main ingredient
With the one she loves
On top of a bed,
Underneath the fireworks.

He, whom I am not, her lover.

I am merely an echo.

Molding other personalities into my own,
Collecting, holding, and drawing
Alien characteristics into my personality.

Then back to true form again

I'm ashamed of this game
Every time it plays out the same.
No pity, no sympathy
For my cries.

Yet I always learn for that
I do love most.

Here's the pen --
Forget the sword
Let your judgment cloud you not...

Let us swim
Through the sky,
Parting clouds within the eye.

Ride the stream
Just go with it...
Nothing impedes you with nature.

Draw a boat
That sails the sky;
A majestic beauty -- with many a mast.

At the wheel
Is the captain
And sails evermore to the sun.

Let its warmth
Take dear hold
Of your heart and encourage it anew.

Connect the pen
To the heart,
And abolish the tyrannical mind, once more

'Twas such an iridescent masquerade
Upon the gestures all,
Flower guises floating freely about
This mansion chamber's ball.
Medieval castle tapestry dwarfing them
With the lofty hall,
And there arrive and vacate portal
Fading unto the wall.
A gateway whereas such events unique
When arrivals call
And departed bid final farewell from
This mansion chamber's ball.

Values grouped and danced entwined
All over the chamber floor
Gaggling, babbling, in glorious glee
Ever since eve silence tore.
Yet, one lonely soul biding his life
Blended within the wall decor.
Scanning masks inefficiently in the chamber,
Electing in mind to who adore
Then a rapping of energy is heard around
Tapping at the mansion door.
Spiriting masqueraders slide inside here
Ever since eve silence tore.

Inevitable capture of the silent statue
No longer blending of absent joy.
Given assortment of masks to be as play,
And being the ball's brightest decoy.
Wisping to and fro he goes to furthermore
Echo his mask and employ
Silent cartographers of party unto the wild
Festival masqueraders enjoy.
So this Napoleon of dance and sing aware
He twas nevermore of coy
Stunned as struck to his guise hiding inside
And being the ball's brightest decoy.

The accursed mask pried off at last
Hence he carried his glee
And surmised so to unhide inside feelings
Selecting the costume every wisely.
Those who fight of ownerright cause,
Grasping back unrightfully.
To amass the mask unto the masquerader
So inside they cannot see
Nevertheless, grasping suppressed he philosophized,
"Why hide the face? Let them see.
Life here today is an entire masquerade.
Select the costume ever wisely."

Come gather around the crucible now.
Let darkness take its timely bow,
And guise us all into focus.

None gather the severity here
Of the test at hand standing shear.
The devil possesses us now.

Shan’t we dig our grave at time?
Pass this or death knell shall chime
Of the knowledge of life.

Stare into the cauldron of your eyes.
Doth see what thy devil devise,
Stirring within the souls of us?

Let the cauldron bubble away,
And reveal a sign of trouble this day
In preparation for the leap of faith.

You see your reflection? Yes, it’s true.
If not wise you’ll wish more adieus
And never bother unbroken ice.

Gaze the cloud of smoke above
Distort the air into figure of
Into our sorrowful adieu.

A mirror around, focus now
You see the stand as you how
Performing upon ritual now.

We string and slide away we go
They ice over and this they know
To expand us to eternity.

If he yet advance not forth to strike
Then the devil may apply his *****
Upon the relation between.

Est thy his work or worker stray?
Thy either way shut out light’s ray
And freeze us all apart.

Thy must or need advance the ice
And destroy it while the risky price
Of fragility looms in doom.

So gather around the crucible now
Around let the darkness timely bow
And hold none yet the amulet.

Gouge thy eyes open of all thee light
And fold into posture and amulet might
Let the dire cold overwhelm.

The briskness forces way into
And turns all ye to Pluto’s blue
Without the amulet, thy lay dead.

Dive upon thy ice into ye soul alive
And do witness what devil devise
To break and make you ownage.

Release unto thy purple stone.
Unto the newer bluer known
And apply yourself true.

Xaimon felt, Dvoryin foresaw,
It tries to dissolve boundary law
And cast us into ice.

Pythaezuyen cried in horror
And echoed prophecy down the door
Along time’s fabric string:

“Our dearest child slain to die
And destruction rise from tears thee cry;
Thy all shall grant impunity.”

This demon echoed no remorse
For ye now control thy course
Of this text we take

Find the Mystic Circle breaking
The very foundation upon the shaking
Wear the amulet and hear me.

           - Cryptous Straevaras

And so unto the repose,
To waft the scent under my nose,
A scent of beauty.

Upon the grass of Eden I lay
Away amidst the light of day
For you are the creator -

So to sever my skin,
Not quite yet next to kin
And sacrifice of me a rib -

Nay from near the feet,
To cast prolonged defeat,
Of forever being ruled over.

Nor robbed of the skull,
Thus make our lives so dull,
To be driven in sweat to the ground...

Alas my rib, taken from me
A blessing as a helper, for thee -
As close to the heart where love resides.

Here is my heart
Held in my hands
Not upon a pedestal
Not upon a throne

It resides there, still pumping
Provides life, gives blood
One side takes in blood
Alas, the other pathway ejects...

Tears.

Where is your heart?
What you've guarded so soundly?
It is of pure redness
Health and beautiful
What pain has ever beset it?
What tragedy has ever strained it?
Has it ever skipped a beat?
Forgot to pump, to breathe, to live?

I show you my heart
Upon my outstretched hand
Looking upon you with an angled face
Out of the side of my eyes
Looking with contempt and jealousy
Because your heart knows not of strain

So look!  Into my heart!
The blood and tears dripping!
Through my fingers...
The stitches down and around,
The patches all over
The large portion of it missing
The part of it that's blue,
And green,
And black...

You cannot look at my own heart
And tell what pain and strain is...
I have felt rejections
On all levels of love.

I have never guarded my heart
It is true:
It is better to have loved and lost
Than to never have loved at all

And yet you'd dare not look inside it
How could such horror contain benevolence?

Yet there is more there
Than anyone has ever seen.

And thus we probe a sphere of energy
Floating aloft in a void of darkness
Radiating a sepia-rayed life
Pulsating through the ravages of time

Yet in twain it reacts to synergy
Alongside an utter orb of rashness
And draining thine sphere through malice and strife
Down to destruction from all that sublime

Thine beauty then lost
A terrible cost
Absorbed by the void and lake of sulfur.

And now we probe a sphere of energy
Floating aloft in a void of darkness
Illuminating iridescent soul
Pulsating through the seen promises prime

Yet in twain it reacts to synergy
Alongside known substance unseen
Yet transmuting all parts into the whole
Purifying of moths and rust and grime

And ye grow so bright
Giving others sight
In due time to ascend in a whirlwind.

Something's amiss,
Just listen to this.
I'm not all myself
A value to miss.

The foundation of mind
Has an invisible gap,
A missing lock key
Letting all unbind.

Piece of Puzzle gone,
Personality wrong.
Feeling so lost,
To dread the dawn.

I wish everything right
With happiness too.
Yet reality supplies
Another sanity blight.

Curled in a ball,
In the corner of the couch.
Waiting for fingers
To run through my hair again.

How I do love unto,
But am not loved upon;
I tremble in repose
From the dusk until dawn.

Dost thouest lovest me?
Too exalted is thee?
For it is your isle,
I pick from the whole sea.

The sun’s demise bequeaths my birth beneath the outward heavens.
A glitter of the heavens caught within a twinkle of my eyes.
Travels on the shore lead into the isle, converging upon the core.
Galloping through fields of grain under the starry dearth.

The voluminous trees approaching entry, darkness towers evermore.
The trail adulterated by weeds, thorns; leaves wilting, rotting logs.
A beam of singular light from the canopy given by the silvery moon,
The ray guiding out of the brush unto the yonder blue darkness.

Here at the foothills of the forever peak, a glance upwardly shot.
Moon and stars eclipsed, light extirpated; the fog lies lower than the peak.
Scaling treacherous red glared boulders, sliding rocks collapsing beneath.
Blood rasped hands grapple and cling in the storm of fog.

The zenith of the world…perched; scanning back to the fog
Of lightning and incandescent famine; a tear rolls down the rocks.
Glaring up to see the stars and moon, warmth pounds behind me…
Pivoting to see the mountain gauntlet traversing into the promising sun.

Every night walking to the door
I have gazed upon the heavens
Seen the radiance of the moon
Unless the rock beneath my feet
Has extirpated all its light.

Nine times, over these last nine moons
I resisted the lonely howl
Lest the moon cry out back at me
Lest would it grow arms to embrace
Lest its craters could catch my tears

Nine moons, have I opened the lock
And entered into my repose
Shaking until the morrow dew
Learning to forgive those who wrong
Forgiving myself to move on

Nine rainbows, have passed through my tears
Yet, now, the tenth shall not be mine
Let the river drain to the sea
Let this heart sow up the open ****
And thus become the servant heart.

Amongst robes of satin and gold,
Stood three men of stories told.
There a wise man, of no reputation
Holds before them, behold! Such elation!

In his hand thrice a curious box,
So the men exchange in outrageous talks.
"What joke is this? Off with your head!"
And forcefully arrest him in his stead.

But this man of origin ignoble,
Without struggle of position immobile
Surrenders each a box to these bureaucrats
For each in size of one cubic inch at that.

And before the sound of earshot fades,
"Beware when you open of what cascades!"
So the man is silenced into his tomb,
Leaving mystery lingering upon the room.

Each a man such such ferocity,
Inquires upon the box with curiousity.
Without caution the first man tears it agaze
So the mind's eye bursts into bountiful blaze

And so, what **!  It is with your haste!  Your pompousness, your distaste!
I shall pry your sight to show you light, yet ne'er a way into your heart's blight!
So much so even the sun's fusion surrenders in succession to stiffly cold ice,
Forever forgotten, forever forewarned of your fervent fear and greed and vice.

So his mind comes about, facing reality
Shrugging his fate of ultimate finality.
Such the second man tosses it aside,
Yet it flies open, where he cannot hide

So you, your apathy, your content in nothing!  Shall you idle forever true.
Knowledge has tainted you, pride stricken you, you stand tall a pillar of stone.
For stone you are, and stone you shall be!  So much a pillar of salt of the the sea.
Tossing aside the weak and the encumbered to cares of yourself outnumbered.

Fear is struck in the heart of this,
No longer for such a heart in bliss
And the third, the final acutely aware
To open the box with everso care.

Thee the third, the final, your pleas!  Absorbed and plowed by evil's devotee.
Hold your heart true, all prayer endue a baby's flesh shall imbue thine heart!
For I know your deeds, and you unlike no other!  Yet let them smother you not.
For seek and you shall ascertain, knock to make the truth before you naked.

So fallen in reverence upon the knees
A chill rendered without cold breeze.
And the three transformed by man ignoble
Yet not simply here, but to judgment global.

Alas, remember this time of year,
A time to hold dear and cheer.
The time to recount first breath,
Yet a time to celebrate death,
Defeated.

So I ponder an empty box,
Of brown and a simple ribbon,
And I contemplate its contents
For when I bequeath it to you.

Betwixt jewels and valuables,
I leave within a mere mirror.
And fill the box with my essence
Wrapped with forever loving care

So when the gaze enters the box
There through the box’s essence, eyes
Meeting themselves through my own light
Open up to another’s world

There she dives into the mind’s eye,
And submerges into beauty
Of mind, body, spirit, and soul
Inside an angel in disguise

A potential unknown hiding
Behind her deep blue sea eyes
In knowledge, in love, in caring,
Deep sea of everlasting warmth

For every gaze into this sea,
Warm smiles grow across my face,
And every laugh, embrace and more
Brings supreme happiness within

My heart and soul.

My love for you was so strong
I had to lock it away
Because I was afraid of inflicting
Any interference with you,
Who had another life besides
The only one I did see.
I waited for a time to release
Until I felt a stab of pain
And I look back at my love,
To discover shock and awe
Something never expected, I never foresaw
And I still can't believe
You have to take or leave me now,
Because my love is perishing
Don't ask, why?  I don't know how.

A shadow of former times
Fades unto the wall.
    No nostalgia remains unchecked
All past offers no more.
    Every could be was not ever real.
And time wasted to imagine it.
    But eyes turn upon what may be.
Depending on the trails traveled.
    I see an if with possibility
Containing a crown allowed no silver,
    Whose figure it graces needs it not
And grace of an archer seen
    With arrows steadily making their mark,
Where the body's nerves twitch
      Alas, there may be foreshadow, too.
But it hides in the flora on the trail.

Again I think
Crazy yet it may be but still
Racking my memory of sounds and pictures,
Going over them, again and again.
        I lay there, before God
        I lay there, on my dreams
In a room where light has been shut out.
And I feel, as if I were blind
As one sense is blind, another becomes not.

I read one another's and learn more of them.
How they have a devotion, not an obsession.
To one, and only one.
I discover a mistake, I scold myself.
One reassures me, yet I do know better.
I fear disaster of that beautiful devotion.
For I try to not ruin another,
And take it all for myself.
Or do I?

Time runs on, and clues elude me.
Until a word, is said, and I think,
The truth all rushes to me.
At once I feel overwhelmed.
One word triggers the clues.
One proves their devotion to me.
Their devotion another.
One word, so generous.
One word, so harmful.

In pain, I cry, of my own fault.
Looking for devotion in all the wrong places.
And now should I control this?
To be controlled forever, the undying devotion?
Only to keep myself out of pain?

My third shot, if failed,
Shall be the zenith of pain.
I sense myself starving for it.
I ask the Lord, "Why is it?"
To be so happy and said
That is the price of peace.
So, I face the grim truth,
Instead of becoming desperate.

Never before within my life
        Have I ever been loved.
And never again of this life
        Shall I ever be loved.

Yet, I still hope.

I'm dying from the inside out
None of this makes any sense
Left alone, as I scheme
Then I break out for the fence.

Sprinting through the narrow halls
Knocking many people down
Sorry, but I only did
Look back with an unfeigned frown.

Blazing through the corridors
I'm tired of the friendly light.
Let me hide in my agony
And think within the dead of night.

I blast the door off its hinge,
And ride into the azure sky.
Yet fall back down to the green earth
Heading for the fence raised high.

I gallop through the springtime fields
Past all the people staring,
Some point and laugh, some surprised
Mocking, chanting, yelling, glaring.

I scanned the coming high wall
That I wished to overperch.
Then behind me I heard them roar
I was the object of their search.

My eyes were straight, my mind was set
As I advanced toward the edge
So what about insanity?
So what if I jump from off the ledge?

As I began to scale the wall
They chase and grapple at me.
Let me settle my affairs alone.
For I leap, and thus I'm free.

I look back at them through the fence
A face which asked, "What's this about?"
"I'm not coming back to you couples,
Until I can look from the inside out!"

I find myself
walking between rose petals;
they cover the ground,
and leave little space for error.

I find myself
balancing fine china,
cubes on top of spheres;
always stumbling carelessly.

I find myself
walking the tightrope
that I've never seen before;
hoping there's a net below.

I find myself
clutching my blood,
throughout my entire body.
The source of which is the heart

I find myself
feeling pinpricks in the sand;
I try to keep from sinking
from life's eroding waves.

I find myself...
each and everyday, shivering;
the fear, that encroaches me,
and the dire consequences, I may face.

Even should I rip every nerve from my flesh,
Will I still feel this agonizing pain?
For I am left to lay here, alone without an option
Until this illness is taken from me.

Oh do I have empathy for prisoners in their cells
Their minds rot quicker than flesh
In the same manner I am bound here to brood
To soak within my own torment.

I remember the days with your fingers through my hair
Watching over me, care-taking
But now not a soul has ne'er an interest in me
For all they know, I could be dead.

Alas, yes the though has been planted, yet,
The soil around strangles it.
For if it were not for that rich soil that you,
Are not a part of, it would bloom.

Perhaps I'll draw a line to prove my insanity
Instead of going down the road.
And maybe, then, just maybe you will see then,
The iceberg's tip from the beast beneath.

A thatch of darkness with pools if white
Two spheres and a glittering arching line.
Spasms in the stomach full of fright
Digging deeper into the skin of night.

They hear a ringing, ringing, ringing near.
Across dark silence within their space;
Pupils dilate to the singing leer
With broken breath reaching for fear

Response utter and whispering back
A ghostly apparition of demise
Promises of eternity black
Companions listed for a heart attack.

Then warned are forewarned and all is made fair
Listed fear the victim and themselves
The devil wilt rip thee spirit, and tear
On the death row of another’s dare.

True I had, the right to remain dead
But a word that is dead goes so long unsaid
So I lived there very much real
And to know real the warmth that I feel.

Pouring upon the crypt and text
Then held from my text and you sitting here next.
Wishing to perpetuate unforeseen meeting
End of night meeting came and unto farewell greeting.

Yet walking upon the courtyard tall
I find the end of wall and gazingly all
Scanning the heavens and suddenly gaping
And captivated gaping at stars of infinity escaping.

But when I gaze up I am not alone
For to be alone gives a depressant drone
In my scan it is your face I see
Infinity stars sparkling and twinkling down onto me.

You wish to think deep
    Yet wishing what you thought is wrong.
I walk with a heavy heart
    From the source that which fuels desire
I think, can I trust any?
    With what the little trust I already have?
I wonder, can I love any?
    Only if they do unto me that trust.

But there are those I love
Yet fueling me the heavy heart.
And bringing me into this cursed life.
However, they're my birthright,
And are meant to love.