I can't figure out why
I'm this version of me
Except for the time
When I'm in your company.

For a long while,
I have fooled around
Pretending to be someone
Who I'm clearly not.

I am tired of being ideal;
All I want in exchange
Is to just be myself
And not worry for a change.

When you watch day turn to night
Suddenly things come to light
Because it is so obvious,
                                       Stunningly so,
The passage of time
                               Marked by the falling Sun.
The Brain starts wandering,
                                             Focusing,
     Running on wild
                        Do not ignore,
                                                replace or Control
Allow Freedom,
                          Be one with your thoughts
Why so busy?
                       Why so surrounded?
             Why so scared to be alone?
Scared of the infinite,
                                   lost in thoughts
                Daunting
   Where will the mind wander?
           Most of all...
Scared of seeing who you Truly are,
                                   Mistakes and missed chances.
But it is all past now.
Nothing more to be done.
So learn from them.
                        
                           LET. IT. GO.
                            EXPLORE.



**July 23, 2013

He hurt me, he back stabbed me
He took my innocence from me
He broke me apart
How could i get back up again in this pain!!!!
But there was one in the shadows
Who lid up the darkness just for me
Took my hand and spoke in to my ear
He took me in when no one else would.
he gave me hope,he showed me a solution...
He helped me live
Now i forgave and now I love him....
The one who took my childhood away is in my heart
I pray that he will repent...
Like I did!!!
God can do anything!!!

I Both Fear for you and Admire you.
                   Where the fear comes from
                               Not Known
Maybe Compassion,
                                  Human Love,
                                                          W­** cares.
                                                          ­   It's there.
You are strong,
                        cognitive,
                      ­                  brilliant,
                                    ­                  And know it.
Only use it to twisted advantage.
                                   If that's all you want,
                                                all you require
                       Then Fine.
I'm not here to Judge,
                                    point fingers,
                                                        ­    Instruct,
                           Control.
Just know that you can be More.
              Achieve the Greatest.
                    Make a Change
Be the strange Disease
                                   that heals instead of kills.
I can see it there,
                            In small,
                                           Subtle ways.
Did you Know you are Beautiful?
Did you Know you are Miraculous?
                   So much there,
                                            So much potential.
                         Just Use It.



**July 23, 2013

Because darling
Its what I do
I push and shove
And drive them away
Then when they're gone
I simply wait
Its not long before
They come crawling back
Begging forgiveness
Like it was their fault
But you and me
We know the truth

The foundations are first to go
in a collapse of brick not known in this lifetime,
only that long ago,
though many people will try to reason it in rhyme.

We used to knock bottles off walls
throwing cancer and heart attacks
to watch the glass shatter
and fall,
break into jigsaw pieces on the floor

and now,

we weep into cups so not
to ruin the carpets the deceased gave us
and gave up.
Turkish yarn and rugs from town
and never knowing quality when we see it.

a boy said he liked me last night and that he's liked me more than any other girl
and this morning he said we need to take some time apart

what the ****

happened
between

POINT A
and
POINT B

?
------------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­-------------------

I think it might have something to do with the fact that apparently
when he cuddles up to me when I sleep
I alternate between saying:

"No"
             "Stop it"
and
                        "I don't want this."

(Jesus,
psyche could you be more
  revealing/embarrassing?)
He said he feels like he violates my sleeping self with his nearby presence.
-------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­--------------------------------------

Someone is arguing pointlessly with me about
whether
their ex is a sociopath
and then whether sociopaths feel remorse
and the whole point of sociopaths is that they don't feel remorse so
(and apparently that's a politically incorrect term anyway)

I don't get why that conversation matters to her. I feel like we've had it before.
She just wants to be contentious.
----------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­---------------------------
-------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­------------------------------------------
----------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­---------------------------------------------------------

And I just want to take a very expensive taxi to work.
And fill my Odwalla up with peach-flavored *****.
And drink the day away.

Because I don't
understand

"people"

right now, let alone my own wants.

You crave this certain need for attention,
but once given,
you can't help but look away.
This constant chase for affection,
has driven me mad.
So easily able to let go,
but something always draws me back.
Could it be your soft spoken ways?
Or the way your eyes crinkle with every smile?
I give you exactly what you desire,
but if feels as if it is always lacking.
No longer can I continuously give you my everything,
for nothing in return.
This muse must end so suddenly,
without a thought in mind.
Maybe it's the timing,
that just wasn't right.
Finding any excuse,
to drag myself away from you.