I run
And
The world turns to the pavement beneath my shoes,
My gasps for more air,
And
The pain in my thighs

I run and I can only focus on one thing
The running
And occasionally something
Flits through my mind

Bits of songs decide to worm their way into my brain
And I hear them in my forceful exhales
And gasping inhales of breath

I run to the end of someone’s yard
And then to the end of the next
And the next
And the next

And I run until
My chest is considering throwing itself out of my body
My mouth is dry and swallowing hurts
My legs seize up and refuse to move

And I could run more
But I don’t

Because I can’t even do that

They came, I heard them clear, on a windy white winter's night
Their eyes were shadowed and dark, their torches burning bright
They pried the family from their beds, and beat him in the street
They took her and then left her, dying at her husband's cold feet
Then they turned to walk away, for they would not harm a child
A fair and lovely thing was she, but now she looked quite wild
She grabbed a nearby knife and gave her neck a pretty red bow
And then she fell with a muffled thud, making an angel in the snow

Walking on the open road
If you look down
Eyes on the ground
You could be anywhere
Not this little town

The mud turns to gravel
And the gravel turns to grass
The grass runs alongside the asphalt
And there is mud on the road
In little brown dabbles

The road keeps going
And challenges you to go too
Walk like you know where you’re going
And eventually you’ll get through

My hands are small
My knees are bruised
My ankles,
Undefined

My eyes are far apart
My chest flat like a boy’s
My skin,
It itches

But

These are the hands that hold a friend up
These are the hands that write
These are the hands that gesticulate wildly
Bringing laughter and sometimes, delight

These are the knees that balance me
When I’m high, very high up
These are the knees that walk with me
And keep me standing up

These are the ankles that kick
These are the ankles that walk
These are the ankles that pick
What street to wander, what block

These eyes are the ones that show me all
These are eyes that can see
These are eyes so dark blue
Blue as the deep, very deep sea

This is the chest
Flat as a boy’s
Which, honestly, I like
Perhaps I will hide as a boy
And do whatever I like

And my skin, this skin of mine
What should I do with you?
I scratch and the pain wakes me up
I scratch and I feel alive
So I guess nothing
Is what I will do

My computer shines in the night
Calling like a siren song
A blank Google Doc
I could write you all night long

The keys light up
Showing me the way
Tomorrow I have school
But tonight is still today

The sounds my fingers make
Marching across the keys
Words and writings and rhymes
Buffet me like a sea breeze

I type and type and type
And there is still more
My hands, fast and beautiful
Like a wave hitting a shore

Some of this is bad
Some of it is good
Some will be great
Like I always knew I could

And in the days to come
I will fix my errors
But I have to remember how I felt
The night madness and night terrors

The feeling of touch is addicting
To say the least
What will a touch awaken?
The kitten or the beast

You held me
And my back shivers hours later
You hugged me
And now I don't ever want to let go

There is a need
There is a want
And I can't seem to turn it off

Maybe I don't want to

I am drunk on depression
And high on helplessness
Maybe one more bad decision
Will cure my restlessness

Will your kiss save me?
Or push me further down
Will you reach out and save me?
Or be like the rest and let me drown

What’s one more mistake
In a life led by them
One more thing to keep me awake
I have so many of them