You are my shadow...
I can only see you in the dark...

i
am
leaving
my door
ajar tonight.
I want you to know
that i am letting you in
my house my heart
my life my sight.
Come to me
and fill
me
in

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

I packed my things when you were still deep in your sleep.
I wandered around the room,barefoot,i knew there was no promise to keep.
A ray of gloomy light seeping through,morning rain had clouded up your windows.
You're only a ring away i know  

But i have to go,i missed the last night train.
Here i am at my stop just waiting.
A stranger, no way i'd change back.
I'm going nowhere for you to track.

Why did God do this to us?
Why did everyone have to despise us?
Did we do anything wrong?
Or is it just because into this world we were born?

How long has it been since the last time i saw your beautiful face?
they did not understand how pure our feelings for each other were...
We lived in a circle of loneliness
And the wounds they cut on our skins would remain the same

Living my true life is like secretly reading a forbidden book late at night when the world is asleep.
Being myself is like being stranded in a land where rain never stops falling
Speaking up my own truth in a dark trance of my deepest dreams.
Where my shadow is the only light i see.
Where my heartbeat is the only sound i hear.

I'm transparent and glass-like
Easily read,hands outstretched
Exposed and hurt,unto the world i am
My tunnels of night have no end...

If i could choose where and when...
I would go back to the day i first saw you. Swaggering on your way home without fear.
You said 'being a man is not about being a man. it is about living your life as your heart tells you'.
  
This forbidden passion we shared
These secret touches you poured into me
these kisses that healed my wounds.
You were the willow tree i leant on by the river of despair.....

I woke up.
It was spring.
You were there smiling at me among the blooming flowers.
Your green eyes looked radiant as you moved beautifully towards me.

I walked along the river.
It was summer.
You were there smiling at me.
I could see our reflections in the water.
I could see my face sparkling in your eyes.

It was cold.
Leaves were falling.
It was autumn.
You were there smiling at me among the blackening trees that were flapping in the cold breeze.
My hands were cold but you had them in yours.

It was all white and frozen.
I woke up.
I saw you there padding along the frozen river.
I smiled at you.
And you smiled back at me for the last time.

I stand alone.
Scream and cry alone.
Nothing comforts me in my sight.
This heavy air is closing in on me so tight.

I hear words i do not know.
Spoken in languages i do not understand.
Gloom-coloured lights dance before me.
I feel hollow and ignored as i be.

I have to pay the price for what i have done.
I gave my heart to you alone.
So inevitable is my doom.
Your heart is an empty room.

''I am driving my way home. I am so tired and a bit drunk. It is heavily raining outside. I can barely see and hear what is going on around me. Has the rain flooded the world? Has the wind turned into a massive storm? I turn the radio on and i hear nothing but scratching sounds that iritate my ears.
It's going to be a terrible storm i think.

I glance in my rear-view mirror....
There seems to be a dark silhouette of a man sitting in the backseat....in the dark.
So quietly and mysteriously.
I pull over and stop.
I just keep my eyes firmly planted on the mirror.
I reach out to turn on the light and turn around fast.
And i see him.....
A man......
A faceless man...
i am staring at a ******* gaping hole instead of his face....

I can not move or scream...
My fear has paralyzed me all over...

And then i recognize his dark brown hair.
His blue jumper....
The same jumper i am wearing...

I am looking at myself....
My faceless-self...''

AND THEN I WOKE UP TO FIND MYSELF CRYING IN MY BED LIKE A LITTLE CHILD...

Run me to the ocean...
The only place i see the world in motion...
As the sky merges with the sea overcoming my emotion...

Run me to the ends of the earth...
Where life means nothing but a dearth...
Where death means nothing but a mirth...

Run me to His Holy Mountain...
I need to find The Fountain...
Of emotion, sense, and answers...

We are staring at the sunset.
Like a stranger in another town.
Crimson light reflected in your eyes like a rose so red.
We have been standing here since dawn.

Still not a word you say.
Not a word i say.
We are just breathing each other's
presences.
Extracting love from our own essences.

You hold my hand so tight for the last time.
I look deep into your eyes and my heart chimes.
Another story is coming our way.
Nothing else i can say.

I watch you walking away like rain on summer days.
I stare at your silhouette as you walk... towards the sun on the horizon...away...
Disappearing into the the crimson light.
Out of my sight.

We are standing before the world.
Hand in hand, touching as it gets cold.
Reflection of the moon in your eyes.
The lights of the universe are seeping through our souls as we arise.

We sit by the lake still.
You are naked and radiant.
With the moonlight poured down from heaven on your skin.
In so many ways you make me feel.

You are tonight's miracle.

You hold my hand and whisper
''Don't drive me home tonight...''

I smile.

There was a tree by the river.
There he used to stand alone like a rover.
Touching the water with such a longing.
Emitting his true love and feelings.

Last leaves of autumn were falling.
And my father breathed the sweetness of the air as he swaggered along the river.
He said his grace as snow began falling.
Like a million stars of silver.

I found his footprints in the snow.
I followed him among the blackening trees into the forest.
I saw him standing there by the water and i had always known.
Among these trees, by the river he wanted to rest.

He turned around and stared at me for a while.
He walked closer toward me and smiled.
I felt happy as if i had caught a hare with my own hands.
He carried me on his shoulder as he ran.

I felt his hair on my face.
I felt his heartbeat as we raced.
I felt such a child's whim.
I felt myself in him.

Have you found your own reflection?
Looking back at you with such attention...
You stumble, looking for redemption...
Your heart was restless with hesitation...

Names...
Faces...
Places...

All forgotten...

How many times have you been seen...?
How many times have you fallen...?

I am surrounded by yesterday.
Shadows from the past will never go away.
You had once cut your skin and let me in.
Forever your silhouette will linger herein.

You were so alive i felt like a ghost.
There were many doors but your door was the only one i needed the most.
To walk through to find a new world.
Where i could fight my fears so cold.

Thank you...

Thank you for yesterday...
For letting me stay...
For letting me touching your face...
For letting me taste a sip of your peace...

It was years ago...
The day you had to go...
And i have been waiting still for years...
For you to come near...

Years pass by...
Another year has gone by...
Will i still have to try...
Will my tears ever run dry...

I am staring at the moon.
Like i am going to touch it very soon.
This ancient silver light has been shining on us for ages.
Reflected on our faces.

O Mystic Moon come take me away.
Let me merge with your light.
Let me extract your ancient rays.
Never fall out of my sight.

The night you were in me i felt so alive...
The next morning i woke up to find myself in a different world...

I saw like you...
I breathed like you...
Smelt like you...
Thought like you...
Smelt like you...

*I can still smell your scent on me...

When the Sun laughs...
The Moon laughs
The Earth laughs
The Stars laugh

When The Sun cries...
The Moon cries
The Earth cries
The Stars cry

It's only us not laughing and crying....

We are standing before the world.
Hand in hand, touching as it gets cold. Reflection of the moon in your eyes.
The lights of the universe are seeping through our souls as we arise.

We sit by the lake still.
You are naked and radiant.
With the moonlight poured down from heaven on your skin.
In so many ways you make me feel.

You are tonight's miracle.
You hold my hand and whisper
''Don't drive me home tonight...''

I smile.

Of all the souls wandering around.
Hers was the only one.
Taken away out of sight.
Dim, mine was slight.

Come sing me a song.
As every soul runs long.
Your story is yet to tell.
When you are in hell.

I see souls wandering around.
Distinct stories of life that surround.
Their feet hardly touch the ground.
I heard hardly any sound.

I am not used to being without you.
I am not used to not hearing your voice.
I am not used to letting you go.
I am not used to sleeping by myself.
I am not used to living without your passionate touch.
I am not used to being alone.

Burn it down...
Rebuild it with passion at dawn...
Find me when i am least expected...
Hold me when i am least defended...

For what i feel is never much sought after.
I have been wandering my own land like a lonely rover.
Seeking for my own truth and long-expected answers.

No body really ever hurts till they bleed.
They turn to themselves to heed.
They cut wounds on their very skins and let the pain in.
As they ignore the voices within.

Sinners are made spectacle unto the world.
For God's heart has turned cold.
No cure when stranded and cast away.
Pain is the only thing to distract you

I love you so much
You don't love me that much
Everything i say is wrong
Everything you say about me is right.
I only love the one who doesn't love itself more than anything else does.
Do i love you or not ?
If i do, then heaven exists.
If i do,what if you destroy the possibilities to love?

''why is the night sky black if there is an infinity of stars?''

Why are we here now if love does hurt?
In seeking love, you don't find love.
I do love you but you don't believe in love
It is love.....but you don't believe it is

Love only exists if you choose to love or not to love
We're all the same when it comes to what we think we are
Ask me a question....
When it's all the same in any language....

I sat by the frozen river
I could see my pale reflection on the water
Everything in my life seemed to be closing in on me
The wind blew gently,it touched my naked body .

The grey sky up there
The silhouette of the trees
The falling snow....

Then i jumped into the cold frozen water...

Forgotten....
Unforgiven....

You walk closer to me so beautiful.
I hold my breath for a while.
I can see your radiant skin through your white transparent dress.
Against your body, mine i press.

The heat has got into my head.
Through you shall i thread.
I breathe your scent into my manhood.
As you cover my body like a silk hood.

Your waves will carry me away into the ocean of passion.
Where lovers are making love so deep.
To stay i have got no reason.
Tonight i do not want to fall asleep.

.....only to find me waking up without you by my side....
....only to hope i would skip more light years....
....only to find my existence in a deep trance of an endless continuum....
....only to find myself out of place....

If
heaven
and hell...
never existed...

Would we still
believe in
God ?