it's one of those days when
i know i need You
and yet i'm afraid of coming
closer to You
because i don't know how
You will react
I don't know if You'll be able to look
past what i've done.
You're probably done forgiving
and so i leave.
but as i turn to go
You say
my love is over, it's underneath,
it's inside, it's in between
Your love is
everywhere.
over my shame.
inside my sorrow.
in between the pain.
over my guilt.
underneath my brokenness.
inside my doubt.
in between my fear.
You still love me and
there's nothing i can do about it.

you are more
than anyone could ever be.
you are royalty
dressed in gold jewelry and purple robes.
you are worth
more than all the diamonds in the world.
your smile
can light up the darkest sky.
your laughter makes flowers bloom.
your eyes are brighter
than a summer sun.
you are loved.
you are treasured.
you're important.
you're enough.

it was a summer of firsts.
first crush
or something like that.
i'm still not sure if it
qualifies as a crush.
first shooting star
and i didn't make a wish
because i knew better than
to believe that wishes on a star come true.
and yet i marveled like a little girl
thinking that God planned that moment
to tell me that He loved me.
first time singing in front of others
i had practiced all day
but when the moment came
my hands were shaking
and so was my voice.
Bruna held my hand
and the sweetest sound came from my mouth.
i blushed as
everyone smiled.
it was the first time in a long time
that i felt like i belonged
that i felt i was real
that i felt i was me.

i am
tangled and caught
in my sin
disgusted and horrified that
i've done it once again
and i want to cry
but i can't
and i am so sorry
and i forget about You
and who You are
and what You do
but at the end
i always remember
who You are
and what You do
and i hear Your voice
it's singing
a tune of forgiveness
a tune of grace
the sweet tune enters my soul
and my heart
it courses through my blood
and it makes it
white as snow
it makes my brokenness
beautiful.

i know You love me
and yet i feel unlovable.
i know You treasure me
and yet i feel unworthy.
and i know who i am
and what i can do
and yet i feel like
i will never measure up
to what You want from me.
oh, if i could have a glimpse of
what You see.
if only i could see myself
through Your eyes.

how can i not believe in You
when creation is singing Your praises?
how can i not believe in You
when the roaring seas declare Your majesty?
how can i not believe in You
when You are everywhere?
You are in the highest mountain
on the tallest tree
in the greenest forest
in the deepest sea.
You are in a child's smile
in a baby's laughter
in a lion's roar
in a sparrow's tune.
it's all You.
it's all Yours
and i am Yours, too.

i could paint a hundred sunsets
and the sum of them would not equal a fraction of how glorious yours are.
i could draw a thousand seas
and the most beautiful of them would not mirror Your majesty.
i could sing a million songs
and Your voice would be sweeter than any of them.
i could love You with my heart, mind, and soul
and i wouldn't love You as much as You love me.