Finding yourself
Behind these 8A walls
Not knowing who you are
But faking a personality
while walking through these middle school halls
Going out with him
Or talking about how bad you wanna get with her
Telling them you love them when you're not really sure
Soul Searching
Deep down underground, unearthing
If there is anything
I learned worth knowing
Its that finding yourself
Requires soul searching
I have seen everything in 8B
I have conquered the giant in 8A
I have survived 8th grade
I have been shaped, molded, and made
I have discovered a new me
Without drowning in the sea
I soul searched
And I love the new me
That has emerged
While discovering my personality

v.t: to fail to fulfill the expectation, hope, or desire of; to prevent the fulfillment of (a hope or plan); frustrate

A God given angel
A woman of success
A calming spirit
A woman of wisdom
Who seems to easily disintegrate my stress
A role model in my life
A motherly figure
Once a wife
What I see in her is what I dream for myself
No she isn't perfect but she was right
"Get your sh..stuff together! Not for me, or anyone else. Do it for yourself!"
Problem is...
I don't know how to do that type of ****
I cant even put 2 and 2 together
But that aint a shocker
I've never been a math wiz
Spiraled out of control once before
But somehow I sorta cleaned it up
At least enough to pick my face up off the floor
God sent me a blessing
But all I seem to do is keep stressing
Her completely out
The frustration in her voice is so real to me
I know Im in for it
When she starts the "Y'all young people......." speech
She's ******* me and she keeps it real
What she says, especially in her anger and frustration, I feel
"I just want the best for you"
"Mind Over Matter"
"Your life is depending on you and the things you do"
When she goes into her mother mode
Sometimes, I am annoyed
But at least she's not distant
Like my mother
Who in some areas, gave up on me a long time ago
Im not the best kid
But Im working on it, I have to
Daddy never did
I love her because she is trying
I love her because she doesn't tell me what I want to her
She tells me what I need to hear
Stuff she doesn't know that will hit home on the inside
She doesn't know her role
She's unsure of her place
Im usually pretty bold, the type to be in your face
But in her case, I don't say what I need to say
You don't have a specific place or spot
For me you fit the role of a mentor, a mother, an aunt
Maybe one day, I'll actually make you proud
Not sure when that will happen but definitely at some point
I love you with all my heart
Im sorry to disappoint

My Black is smexy
Gorgeous and everything
My Black is caramel, sweet to the taste
Just right to the smell
My Black is fine
Like sweet pumpkin pie
My black shines
Like a diamond in your eye
My black gleams
Like your all-American dream
Black is me
Just as beautiful as can be

Life charges at me, full speed
Like an eagle, I spread my wings
Soaring above everyone and everything
Flying through haters and negativity
Pumping out positivity
“Keep your head up kid”
Grateful that someone speaks life into me
Daddy denied my existence
Had a rough beginning
I can testify to the struggle
Dived head first into deep end
Sinking because I could not swim
Death was imminent
I wish God would've ended it
Lord knows I tried hard to take myself out
But God has a purpose for my life
Just haven't figured it out
I will soar and spread my wings
“Drop down and get your eagle on”
No, that is no longer my thing
I will stand up and do what is right
I will charge forward
Make something out of my life
“Keep your head up kid”
#DAMNRIGHT

P.S.- To all those people who tried to tear me down, catch ya on the flip side!

*PEACE AND MANY BLESSINGS!

8th grade was here
8A and 8B
Some have moved very far
Some still very near
But still holding on to our legacy
Ms. Ife then Ms Noh
Ms. Ife then Mr. Brown
Changes were made
Because one let go
Now there's a new guy in town
8th grade was here
Learning together
8th grade was here
Making friends forever
8th grade was growing up
In front of everyone
And just to our luck
We have all had fun
We taught each other
So much this year
But sadly we will split up
At high school but will still be very near
For the ones who made our lives change
We say thank you
For you have given us
So much to gain

Tired and worn out, I strap up my Pointe shoes and stretch
Feet bleeding
Face dripping with sweat
Pirouettes and fetes back to back to back
Nothing stops me
Not even the fact that I just heard my knee crack
Leap after leap after leap
Soaring in the air, I do not feel the ache in my feet
Part One is done
On to the next
Hip Hop
My favorite type of dance
Sports bra, 23's, Sweats
Warm up vibe session since I'm already stretched
Music pumps through my soul
I feel it vibrate through my soul
My feet glide across the floor as I release the fire within
Left foot, then right
Body takes flight
Time stops and the Earth stops its ongoing rotation
I glide and move replaying each and every tear, argument, and moments of frustration
I dance every moment of everyday
I dance to make the pain go away
Dance to the rhythm of the African Drum
Dance to the rhythm of the bass in my favorite song
Dance to the pulse, to the heartbeat of my baby girl, my little one
Dance because its all I know
Dance until the tears, pain and heartache cease to flow...

Panic* sets in and I'm under attack
Fear seeps in through the cracks
Hopes and dreams fade into reality
My future uncertain; not clear
The panic is heavy because
College is almost here
I have no where to run
I have no place to hide
What’s done is done
Responsibility is mine
I'm scared and afraid
My soul is fragile
My world a cloudy haze
The weight of the world
Sits on my shoulders
I can’t carry it
Because I'm not as strong as a boulder
Heart pumps too slow for normalcy
My head light, vision blurred
I can’t see anything decently
The food I didn’t eat
The alcohol I didn’t need to drink
The drug on the inside of me
Flows back up my system
Panic! Panic! Panic!
My body beaten and *****
My body scarred and hated
My body abused
Innocence gone
A precious gift given away
My soul driven, crashed, and trapped behind B307 bars
Panic!
The sickness is here
Panic!
My heart rate back to a fast speed
The strong desire I have in me
I hear the knife begging to see my skin bleed
Panic!
I'm slipping away
Slowly taking my last breath
Stomach churning
Eyes burning
I smell death
I'm tired and I'm drained
Knife to my throat
I ******* up…I can’t complain
I'm ready to go
Panic! Panic!
You can have your life back
Seems like I'm taking too much of your day
Yeah you’re gonna be sad and hurt
But no more bills you have to incur
Panic! Panic! Panic!
Goodbye world…
Now she’s gone
……………………………….
Panic!
The real question sets in…
Will you miss her???

From the crown of my head to the sole of my feet
There are only 10 things that I love about me

One

I have beautiful dark brown eyes that hide my pain from the revealing glow of the sun

Two

I have very small ears that have heard too much gossip about me from you

Three

My lips are full and soft and they will never again speak lies and deceit

Four

I have a billion dollar mega watt smile that I absolutely adore

Five

My abs are rock hard but they didn’t come easy. Lots of hard work over a period of time

Six

There is a curve in the center of my back that gives a perfect arch but when certain people touch me there, I feel sick

Seven

I have two small but defined back dimples. If you touch me there, I’m guaranteed to be leaven

Eight

I have long golden brown legs that should’ve learned the concept of wait

Nine

My feet are very smooth. The nail salon people can’t say anything negative about mine.

Ten

My toes are pretty and nicely manicured. I don’t like to have dry gross feet or nasty looking skin.

These are the things that I love above myself

The End.

You yell and you fuss
Whether I do a lot or even if I'm not doing much
Before, I talked a good game
But I didn’t want anything to do with you
And I don’t know if this is true
But part of me felt like we were on the same page
Crisis attacks
And now we are forced to face the facts
You didn’t know me and you never did
No longer am I your sweet and innocent little kid
I'm sure you went back
To that place in your heart
And thought that I was playing you
Right from the start
That “Can you be my daddy???” bit
Whatcha think? Let me guesss
‘That was all a bunch of *******’
Truth is, that was all legit
I mean seriously, do you really think I could’ve made up a lie like that so quick?
I meant it from the bottom of my heart
Believe it or not
When I met you, we formed a bond
That no one could tear apart
Now I'm trying to build something for real
And all you think is
‘Girl, I know this crap ain’t real!’
I'm trying to but you don’t give me the time of day
I have to seek you out
Because most times, you don’t even look my way
Why do I always have to be the one to say,
“Hey dad!! How was your day?”
Why do you always give me the same crazy behind face?
Like ****! I don’t want anything!!
Can’t I just ask if you’re okay?
I'm not asking for you to be my friend
I just want us to have a good relationship
Before our lives come to an end
Daddy I love you
And that’s real talk!
Pure TRUTH!!
I'm not who I used to be
And you would know that if you really just talk to me
I'm changing every day
But you don’t see it
Because you’re constantly ignoring me, right in my face
I'm not trying to bash you
I'm just telling it like it is
Give me a second chance
That’s all I ask
Yeah I ******* up
But if the only way that we can have a relationship
Is if I literally kiss your ***,
You can forget it, I’ll pass
I love you way too much
To leave stuff jacked up between us
I'm begging and pleading for you to stop and hear me out
I had to find to get all this out
Without me trying to scream and
Having to hear you shout
I'm not trying to bash you
I’m just telling it like it is
You’ve always wanted the truth
So that’s what I just gave you
Don’t get upset….
I'm just giving you the biz

Anger shoots through my veins like ******
My blood boils at a temperature my body can't handle
Unfocused
Unable to think or comprehend
Switchblade savior etching death in my wrist
Imagining it's not real
As I watch evidence spill into my hand
Fear, Hate, Betrayal, Anguish
Starved by a metallic holy ghost fulfilling a death wish
Hot black liquid seeps out of my skin
Running cold as it collides with oxygen
Evidence of darkness
Emptiness within
Panic sets in when I catch a glimpse of reality
Ambulance, emergency room, panic as the doctor tries to put the blackness back inside of me
Saving me from a sacriligeous religion
That rescued me from heartache and pain in the beginning
The same switchblade deathtrap
Ready to smite my blasphemy and despair
Faithfully reciting the same galvanized prayer

My dark skin doesn’t make me inadequate

I have thick, curly hair

No... You can’t touch it

And I really wish you wouldn’t stare

I can’t fit size 2 jeans

I can’t wear skirts that are so short

That you can almost see underneath

My eyes aren’t green or blue

That doesn’t mean that I can’t clearly see you

My legs aren’t model long

My ***** aren’t super small

My lips aren’t paper thin

My **** is not pancake flat

I don’t pay attention to how many carbs I eat

But that doesn’t mean I'm fat

It would be nice if you could refer to me as a person, an actual human being

Stop saying “***! Look at that!”

My skin isn’t perfect

My face isn’t pimple free

Stop looking at my skin

Try getting to know the girl within

Dear Bully,
         Why did you hurt me? What did I do? Why did you choose me? Did I do something to you? I guess I'll never understand, things that ran through your mind, your plan. I was a weak and vulnerable little child. My innocence had already been tampered with, but when you hurt me, you just went wild. Nothing was sacred, nothing was off limits. Wherever your hands traveled was where your imagination went. The first time you hurt me, you killed that little girl inside. I was slowly dying a painful death, right in front of your eyes. You shot and killed my innocence and I've been a different person ever since. You taught me how to pretend. You taught me how to live through the hurt and the pain, instead of making it end, instead of trying to block the rain. You taught me how to hide who I used to be. You taught me that it was wrong to be okay being me. You taught me how to play my teachers, and my so called friends. Long story short, you turned me into a real bad chick. You made me someone very mean. You took away the twinkling in my eyes, my gleam. I used to a bright and beautiful soul, but you stole my light and turned me very cold. You forced me to prove my sexuality to a guy on the bathroom floor. I sold myself and my personality to become a “five minute bathroom *****”. I did anything to prove to myself that I was nothing like you. Turns out that's what happened anyway, no matter how much I tried to be your exact opposite every freaking day. Its taken me years and a flash of reality for me realize that you and me are the same. Well, except for our choices on sexuality. All the things you have done, I forgive you like Jesus the Son. Guess, I'll never understand your sick and  twisted plans. But Im a Christian. To forgive is to be forgiven. I don't harbor any anger. I don't harbor any hate. But that little girl you injured and shamed, she is no longer the same. She is brave and she has risen above. She has someone in her life who wont hurt her. She found Jesus, the one who showed her real love. You are not my enemy. You are not my friend. I hope you find Jesus. Someone hurt you deep within. God will take it away, but you gotta take it day by day. Trust Christ and He'll make it alright.

Your Victim,
Scratch That!!

Your SURVIVOR!