Didn't think you would,
Break my fall,
Just to break me.
Your words slither,
Across my throat,
They choke me with,
Their thouand truths.
They haunt me with,
Their skeletal smiles.
I tell myself,
I couldn't have known.
Couldn't have seen you,
For what you were.
I know that I,
Can't blame myself,
Can't hate myself,
But I do.

I am honest
Untwisted
Unbiased even
In your favor
You hate me
As you hate
A mirror
For you will
Not accept
Yourself

You swam in my eyes

Under my skin

Dragged me under

Pulled me in

I'm lying at the bottom

Staring at the top

My last creation

Will be a cough

It came to the surface
For an anguished, choking breath
A ringing scream
Fighting to go down again
Submerge itself to be dangerous
Once more.

I half ripped off,
Your ear, poor dear!
Oh, I forgot,
I’m angry!!

On days when

Light is

Either on or

Before me you

Arrange yourself

On my pillow as

A whisper

Breathing a

Memory of us

Conversing in

Another town

And time.

I'd love to
Live on
An artic island
To watch the snowflakes
Move across the water
To cover you
In white
Feel breezes
Truly ice
See skies so
Friendly they
Smile so
Threatening they
Growl

I perched on

Your shoulders

As you ran through

Our golden

Wheat field and I

Was told I was

An airplane and

Never a bird

When I alighted

I felt

Like I was still

Up high

Hovering

And nothing moved

Like the basement door ****

Like grandma’s chairs

Like grandpa’s chest

Like your body when

I nudged you

Like my eyes to

The coffin

And I was only

An airplane

Never a bird

Twitching to

Break in

A sandy sea

drowning in

My love to

Live

I threw you
Against the wall
Because I knew
You were fragile

I'm so

Thirsty for

Escaping it

Drips down the

Bars to torture

Me but

If I said I

Hated this

Cage I'd be

Lying

The alcohol

Holds me hostage

It has a

Beautiful face

Not to be ignored

Cancer isn’t catchy so
I can ride in cabs and
Work for a
While longer
Try not to
Resent the
Unaffected
Cancer isn’t catchy so
I can hold our
Daughter and
hug her when
She cries
And borrow her Teddy
When I need him
Cancer isn’t catchy so
You can stand
By my side
Eat with me
And let me
Wear your shirts
And boxer shorts
Cancer isn’t catchy so
You can kiss me
All the time
Lay next to me
And dry my eyes
When all this pain
Is just too much
Cancer caught me so
I’ll have to
Leave you soon
I want your face
And hers
To be the last things
I ever see

I will
Forever cover
The wells of my
Feelings so
You don't fall in
And drown.

Tidal ebb

And flow like

My pen and

Paint in winter.

Writing poems

Painting pictures

For and about

You to

Never see

Or know

Death is the breath,
Before the plunge,
Into icy water,
That swiftly runs.
Death is a rose,
Iron stemmed and thorned,
It ****** a finger,
And does not mourn.
Why do we this burden bear?
This sickly thing,
That picks our brains,
And pulls our hair?
"We have no choice,"
Say us all,
"We all must walk the dreaded hall, 
Death's cackle all will hear,
Low and slow, in their ear.
All will feel when time is near,
The heart, icy chilled, with fear.
All will bate their precious breath,
When death, so snugly, starts to set,
And nevermore, to life, returneth."

You are from that
Perfect world that
Threw me away and
Labeled me as "*****"
And I am
And I want
You to be

Cracked lips,
Parched tongue,
Love long lost.
Face it,
No oasis,
In my desert heart.

Disected like a
Feral pig
Fought over like
Everything else
Living on a jagged crack
That might split further
And swallow you
Torn
Into bleeding pieces
That die and blow away
In a violent wind
Of contradictions
And hypocrisy
Ending so suddenly
To never be
Picked up
Started over.
You start over
Half of what
You used to be
To live
Like you are whole
Like you are
Happy to
Be tethered to
A broken home

They said,

"Don't blink."

I did

Too many times

And you

Sank to

The bottom

Like a

Poison in

My blood

With my paintbrush I,
Erased myself.
With the water I,
Submerged myself.
You took my heart,
Then killed yourself.

These events will be
The end of your life
In me

Didn't expect it,
Did you?
That the man,
That's yours,
Was hunting me,
Was hurting me.
Didn't expect me to,
Scream at your ignorance,
Pound my fists,
On your disbelief,
Cry for what,
Could have been,
Cry for what,
Could have,
Not been.
Didn't expect it,
Did you?
That you'd have to,
Protect me,
From him.
That you'd have to,
Protect me,
From you.

(This poem is dedicated to all victims of abuse)

Things don't
Dissolve
Just
Liquidize and
Spread thinly
They clump in
The recesses
Like the dead
For we are

Forced full-

Face value

Smile for

A laughing crowd

Arthritic icicles drip
Shaking with your
Pounding on
My door
Again I mistake
I must stand in
Your wake
I spoke against
It all
This fusion
Your obsession
And I imagine
Arthritc icicles
Dripping still
Deadly and
A ****** body
Icing my walk

The last thing I felt was

Your hand in my hair

As I was pulled

Into edless night

And the last thing you

Saw me do was

Gasp

My steps in your steps
I am your ghost
My breath in your ear
I'm  always this close

My childhood was
Filled with
Glass floors
So I could see
How far it was
To fall.

You will chew your
Tether like
A dog and run
Away and
Be free from
The good old days
To make your own
And miss the others

Hate is every color
Sqeezing from our skin
Not just one
But all
Equal but
Drowning each other

If I could I surely would,
Shake your filth from my shoulders,
Like a bad dream I would forget you,
Stomp you out, prevent the spread,
Of evil thoughts to ruin me,
But you have left me weak.
I cannot fight you,
I cannot protest,
I cannot shut out your words,
Or ***** out my disgust,
I am choked with the dust,
Of the rest of the Forgotten,
And I have ceased to live.

My heart had many empty places,
So I filled my mind with faces,
And I mixed my life with people.
So few and far between,
Are now the empty places,
They are filled with the happy faces,
Of everyone I've let in.

You said my eyes,
Splintered light,
Killed it.
You never said you would,
Contribute to the blackness,
That nests inside my heart,
Like a deadly pneumonia,
It grows well in my fear.
Your condemnation,
Makes me smile like the dead.
As I believe I truly am,
Nothing.
At least,
Nothing,
Without you,
My savior that grows the blackness,
And who kills me with every stroke.

(I will apologize in advance for the childishness of this poem, I was 14 when I wrote it)

I am still
Six years old
Holding your hand
At the zoo
Because you won't
Let me get
Any older

I write your name
Over mine
Hoping that
Like the letters
Our lives will
Intertwine

From lack of feeling, sick.
Quickening,
Sickening,
Death.
My high
won't dry
My tears
they lie
Beneath my lungs
The drugs
They paralyze
They tantalize,
My victims.
"This will be your better love."
I laugh
Bitterness veiled
from sight
My plight...
"Huh? What? Right."
Here's a freebie, just for you.
The cops patrol
Lie low.
I'll see you soon,
******

You have the most,
Amazing eyes I've ever seen.
And you will always have them,
Until you cannot have them,
Anymore.

Your back has little nitches,
With walking fingers I count the inches.
If I could I'd trace you,
With more than just my hands.
Your eyes have milky silver bands,
Do they lead to other lands?
Or do they lead to you?
Will you stay so long with me,
That you're not thought as new?
I can only hope you do.

Taut
Your face
Held in
A frown
That darkens
Rooms
Thoughts
Without it
You’d be
Beautiful

Hearts of gold,
In pits of silver.

Life’s hurtle is but short,
When you make me believe I leap,
This world seems like a child’s thing,
So easy to control.
My nightmares are so hazy when,
Your chemicals unbalance me.
I laugh at all my demons,
Like there is no danger.
All my worries fade,
Like the faces of my friends.
My mistakes can’t make a mark,
All will be erased.
Erased like the pain from my heart,
Erased like my past life.
Don’t make me face today alone,
Blur my vision with your heady fog.
I want to feel invincible.
I don’t want to feel my fall.

Crystal cups contain lost calls,
Scores on walls from grisly brawls.
Antique, dusty china dolls.
Cows are mooing as they fall.
Mystic, glittering gypsy *****.
On these floors, her babies crawled.
Ceaseless clamor in the halls.
Oh the stories in these walls!

You haunt me,
Torture me,
Warm me, sometimes,
You keep me sane,
Or maybe not...
You bring things up,
That make me wince,
And all the pleasent things,
You make unclear.
You might be my friend today,
You might betray me tomorrow.
And as we walk,
Hand in hand,
My head is bent,
In deepest sorrow.

You play my emotions
With nimble fingers,
The hands of an expert,
Unapologetic.
The music of my suffering,
Dazzling.
"Love?" you laugh,
I'm not supposed to.
You're not supposed to,
Use my emptiness,
As part of your show.
But,"It makes a pretty sound,
you know?"
Yes, I do.
You streched a skin,
Across my eyes,
And made a drum.
My hollows ring.
You make them ring.
A lovely sound,
A painful sound,
That's just an echo,
In my empty head.
"Like I care."
You said.
To you, my heart,
Is dead.

My heart is the can,
That people stop to kick,
It also is the killer,
With a mind so sick.
My heart is the dog,
That people slap and beat,
It also is the flower,
Shriveled in the heat.
My heart is the thing,
No one wants around,
The nasty little cockroach,
Crushed upon the ground.
If you had seen me fling,
This thing, still beating,
At your feet,
You would have let it lie,
To ***** in the street.

My nightmares are

Like shifting

Videocassetts

Fast forward

Rewind

Fast forward

Rewind

Inside your head there

Are no

Horrors or

Visons anymore

Only the pickly

Sweet and sour

Silence of

The grave

No one likes
Sitting alone
In a parking lot
Waiting
No one likes
Being pushed around
Held against a wall
Bracing
No one likes
Hateful looks
Scoffing smiles
Breaking
No one likes
Ignorant jokes
Cruel remarks
Lingering
No one likes
A unkept mind
A bully

Photo encaged

I grip the sides

To better bite

Your head off

All I see is
His nose on
Your face so
All I see
Is him
Sitting across
From me sipping
Coffee in
Bygone days of
Snow and light