Flick of the wrist
Let your life
Sneak from your
Veins
Streaming into
Night
Dreams are dying
Everyone's lying
About the end
When eyelids flutter
And
Lungs collapse
With a gentle swoosh
All you have
Are starry skies
In the tranquility of red
In the bareness of white

Arthritic icicles drip
Shaking with your
Pounding on
My door
Again I mistake
I must stand in
Your wake
I spoke against
It all
This fusion
Your obsession
And I imagine
Arthritc icicles
Dripping still
Deadly and
A ****** body
Icing my walk

A dove in a cage

Suspended in a cage

Soaked in the

Despairing chimes

Of the time-teller

The years have kept her

Disheveled and starved

Entrapment wears the heaviest

Unable to stir her wings

Hopelessness fatigues her

Boring holes in her beating heart

Powerless and weightless

She's naked in the hole

White feathers long gone.

It came to the surface
For an anguished, choking breath
A ringing scream
Fighting to go down again
Submerge itself to be dangerous
Once more.

Hate is every color
Sqeezing from our skin
Not just one
But all
Equal but
Drowning each other

I'm on the
Corner waiting
For the black
Sedan to pick me
Up I've got this
Piece of paper telling
Me this stranger's name
I shiver because it's cold
There's a little girl
At the stop light who
Is in a car with her mom
She smiles at me
An inoccent kindness
As she draws on the foggy glass
With mitten fingers
She won't know why
I stand here for
About ten years or so
So I smile back while
Her mother growls
And drives away

You swam in my eyes

Under my skin

Dragged me under

Pulled me in

I'm lying at the bottom

Staring at the top

My last creation

Will be a cough

My steps in your steps
I am your ghost
My breath in your ear
I'm  always this close

My nightmares are

Like shifting

Videocassetts

Fast forward

Rewind

Fast forward

Rewind

I realized what

A lie it was

That dream that was

Almost as pretty

As your eyes

It forcibly turned my head

Lead my gaze

To a promise I knew

Would never be filled

To a new void

I knew would be dug.

No one likes
Sitting alone
In a parking lot
Waiting
No one likes
Being pushed around
Held against a wall
Bracing
No one likes
Hateful looks
Scoffing smiles
Breaking
No one likes
Ignorant jokes
Cruel remarks
Lingering
No one likes
A unkept mind
A bully

They said,

"Don't blink."

I did

Too many times

And you

Sank to

The bottom

Like a

Poison in

My blood

So buried I
Wish to drown
Just get it over with
I think about
Ripping my face apart
With the bathroom scissors
Because I hate
Looking like you

Your skin
Is the freezing
Water on my feet
The reason for my
Pain my          
Distance
The only reason
I bleed and
Scream to the trees

Things don't
Dissolve
Just
Liquidize and
Spread thinly
They clump in
The recesses
Like the dead
For we are

I am honest
Untwisted
Unbiased even
In your favor
You hate me
As you hate
A mirror
For you will
Not accept
Yourself

I escape here

This place where

People tell

Lies

Though

Peek-a-boo

Fingers

Play word

Games to

Twist.

With no truth

To scald pride

I hold close

Their lies

Of love.

You are just

The leftover

Electricity on

My tub from

Suicide

Attempts past

And I cannot

Feel those

Waves

Now too

Tremorless

Twitching to

Break in

A sandy sea

drowning in

My love to

Live

I wish I could

Hold you and

Not think of

Sand of

Sifting and

Slipping

Down and away.

I want this

Hold tangible

So I can

Squeeze and

Feel pain through

Your substance

Unyeilding

These events will be
The end of your life
In me

I threw you
Against the wall
Because I knew
You were fragile

I perched on

Your shoulders

As you ran through

Our golden

Wheat field and I

Was told I was

An airplane and

Never a bird

When I alighted

I felt

Like I was still

Up high

Hovering

And nothing moved

Like the basement door ****

Like grandma’s chairs

Like grandpa’s chest

Like your body when

I nudged you

Like my eyes to

The coffin

And I was only

An airplane

Never a bird

Inside your head there

Are no

Horrors or

Visons anymore

Only the pickly

Sweet and sour

Silence of

The grave

On days when

Light is

Either on or

Before me you

Arrange yourself

On my pillow as

A whisper

Breathing a

Memory of us

Conversing in

Another town

And time.

You have the most,
Amazing eyes I've ever seen.
And you will always have them,
Until you cannot have them,
Anymore.

I looked for you
In rainy streets
That met my tears
A mixed concotion
That broke me.
I sat on the curb
Not minding the wet
Hoping it would
Cleanse me of you
I Looked at my hands
That once held yours with
Our very fingers together
Like the rest of us.
I knew not
He watched me
Now
Your friend and
I are
Glad you left.

"She is the one

That's in the wrong."

The mirror told

You so after it

Kissed your ***

Tidal ebb

And flow like

My pen and

Paint in winter.

Writing poems

Painting pictures

For and about

You to

Never see

Or know

Photo encaged

I grip the sides

To better bite

Your head off

The last thing I felt was

Your hand in my hair

As I was pulled

Into edless night

And the last thing you

Saw me do was

Gasp

I'm so

Thirsty for

Escaping it

Drips down the

Bars to torture

Me but

If I said I

Hated this

Cage I'd be

Lying

The alcohol

Holds me hostage

It has a

Beautiful face

Not to be ignored

Forced full-

Face value

Smile for

A laughing crowd

When the waves break

They roar like me

They rush forward in

A violent push

Then slink in

Retreat to sneak

Upon you

Surround you and

Consume your feet as

You watch in horror

Realizing you

Are wet

I will
Forever cover
The wells of my
Feelings so
You don't fall in
And drown.

I'd love to
Live on
An artic island
To watch the snowflakes
Move across the water
To cover you
In white
Feel breezes
Truly ice
See skies so
Friendly they
Smile so
Threatening they
Growl

Tip toe in
Stilletoes I
Make my way
To De Bananenbar to
Buy where I
Was sold

~

I thought I should explain this poem a little bit. De Bananenbar is a nightclub in the red light district in Amsterdam, hence "to buy where I was sold" is talking about prostitution, which I think should be legal everywhere. If someone wants to sell their body to someone they should be able to. If you don't like it I don't care.

I write your name
Over mine
Hoping that
Like the letters
Our lives will
Intertwine

A remnant of
Coffee breath comes
From the
Anxious man
Behind me
Yelling at
The teller to
Hurry the **** up
He's paying good
Money for this
Crumpled train ticket that
Is taking him away
From his wife and kids
To be with me
In secret.

My childhood was
Filled with
Glass floors
So I could see
How far it was
To fall.

What a
Painful polaroid
I refect
On the happier times
And how
Life took
A dark turn
For us
Our white
Smiles gleam
From the paper
And I remember you
And wish that I
Could have remembered
You
Alive

I imagine today
Your eyebrows will raise
When I say
Hello

I will bury my
Picture in
The dark earth for
The worms to
Rip and
The dirt to
consume
My past being
Just a
Young girl with
Unwrinkled skin and
An uncomplicated smile
She is now
Dead and burried and
I am no
Longer in that
Girl's shadow

Again you ask me
But the cellos
Trill loudly so
I can pretend
Not to hear
The same old question
That passes your lips
A dismal cliché
I am forced upon
So much that I
Am used to
The silly idea
You suggest
But now I listen
Only to the cellos
And let their voices
Rest on me
I only half feel
You grab my hand
To tell me you’ll
Ask me again
Tomorrow like
You did yesterday

All I see is
His nose on
Your face so
All I see
Is him
Sitting across
From me sipping
Coffee in
Bygone days of
Snow and light

(I will apologize in advance for the childishness of this poem, I was 14 when I wrote it)

I am still
Six years old
Holding your hand
At the zoo
Because you won't
Let me get
Any older

Cancer isn’t catchy so
I can ride in cabs and
Work for a
While longer
Try not to
Resent the
Unaffected
Cancer isn’t catchy so
I can hold our
Daughter and
hug her when
She cries
And borrow her Teddy
When I need him
Cancer isn’t catchy so
You can stand
By my side
Eat with me
And let me
Wear your shirts
And boxer shorts
Cancer isn’t catchy so
You can kiss me
All the time
Lay next to me
And dry my eyes
When all this pain
Is just too much
Cancer caught me so
I’ll have to
Leave you soon
I want your face
And hers
To be the last things
I ever see

Hearts of gold,
In pits of silver.

I feel
Phantom kisses
On my lips and
Everywhere else

Don't throw me into
The whirlwind of
Your love
I am just as wild
And untamed
But only half
As destructive