I quietly sink into the blackness; I am being ****** down into the quicksand of midnight.

There are no screams of mine to silence.

I beg the darkness to take me now.

I shall know no more sorrow, once my heart ceases to beat.

Swiftly take me darling, oh how handsome Death is.

Your words- your
indifference,

they turned me to stone.
My heart- my once liquid
insides- are hardened now.

I bet you could capture the envy of Medusa herself.

Reality visited and crushed me to marble bits.
You took a piece with you,
I thought to cherish always.

But you tossed it- me
into the seemingly bottomless ocean
without ever looking back; you wouldn’t dare.

I remain still, unmoving.
I know not of time any longer.

Darkness so endless,
where light is but a distant stranger.

Sound does not travel a journey that far.

This liquid barrier is the only touch I have to comfort me.

Put out your hands,
close your eyes,
here I have a big surprise,
is that how the old saying goes?

But I mean it,
take this.
I’ll rip open my chest,
and let the blood spill into,
your cupped hands.
With each drop,
I profess my love.

And meanwhile,
my tattered skin,
with its gaping hole,
reveals my tortured heart.
Maybe now,
that you see it beating,
you understand,
how I feel for you.

But I know,
it’s too much.
Go on now,
wash your hands of me.

Tonight
I will not lose you,
I will not lose you
tonight.

He stalks me,
he is,
everywhere,
I turn.
This monster,
lives inside me,
clawing its way,
through my flesh,
to reach the surface.
And when he does,
moments pass,
like lifetimes.
Racing heart,
thumping so loudly,
it may rip,
right out,
my chest.
Sweating skin,
so unbearably hot,
as if a scorching iron,
was melting each layer.
Stomach,
feeling so empty,
so hollow,
like a well,
leading down,
to the pits of hell.
I can barely,
breathe.
Lungs,
unable to,
inhale,
exhale,
repeat.
Shaking limbs,
like my own personal,
earthquake.
Nausea,
overwhelms me,
like im looking,
in the mirror.
But now I know,
he doesnt come to play,
when I’m with loved ones,
they keep him away.
He likes to,
attack,
when I’m alone.
Especially,
alone,
when others,
are in packs.
He likes an audience,
for his sick,
twisted,
games.
He lurks in the shadows,
then sneaks up,
from behind.
Blindfolds me,
blade to throat,
threatening,
always.

I miss you
sometimes.
Usually when its
the darkest out,
and the quietest,
that ache
creeps into my
chest.
But you
wouldn’t know
the feeling.

I drop these words into a
raging sea of letters,
bursting from my chest
they are lost now.
The question is not,
Can you hear me?
But,
Do you want to?

Only the closest
people to my heart,
know my love of the
cemetery.
Oh how I yearn
to walk its endless
pathways and through
its fresh-cut prickly grass.
The quietest place on
the whole entire earth.
A symbol of love
and grief all wrapped
together in the black
box of death,
tied with a silver
shining bow
of memories.
And what better than
the cemetery and,
you?

You didn’t even flicker
at my thought of having
a picnic in the cemetery.
And thats when,
I knew.

Mirror, mirror
On the wall
Who’s the fairest of them all?

This cracked reflection
Haunts me,
Taunts me.
Do they see,
What I see?
If they do,
Lie to me.
This beast before me,
Knows no love.

Oh twisted mirror,
You’ve ruined me so.
They see a pretty face,
With a precious glow.
And if I dare to look
I tremble at the image
You cruely bestow.

Mirror, mirror
On the wall,
Tears knock me
To my knees
Forever I’ll crawl.

I hate parts of me,
because they are from you.
Your presence,
makes me sick.
Hoping daily that you will,
leave and not come back,
I come home,
disappointed yet again.
Screeching nails on glass,
are beautiful,
compared to your voice.  
Your touch,
suffocates me,
like pillows over infants’ lips.
You make me,
*****.

You can't just

keep me on your shelf

waiting..

the weight of my life

so heavy it crushes me

I hear my ribs break

Not a breath of air,

to be found in my lungs.

Drowning,

just below the surface,

close enough to see,

the sun,

but not close enough,

to gasp for the air,

I desparately need.

Heavy,

rusted chains,

slicing my ankles,

looks almost like,

red water color paint,

flowing in the current.

Except,

this painting,

isn’t pretty.

Drowning,

inside my own,

sorrows.

Won’t you,

set me free?

Wandering through
this labyrinth

I'm scared there's..
no way out.

I have wept in endless meadows

while I have plucked

the petals of every single flower

that I have laid my fingers upon

and each time they tell me,

“He loves me not,”

I find another flower.

You stole it
from me,
my most favorite
season of all.
You crumpled up
the pictures I
created in my mind,
and burned them
in the fire of
my pain.
Now I am alone,
to gather pumpkins
in the chilled breeze,
in silence instead
of laughter.
The haunted hay rides
will be far less
terrifying,
than the night you
left me.
I wear a mask
everyday now,
numbing my
excitement for
this years costume.
Wherever I am,
all dressed up
I'll remember how
I was supposed to
be with you.

You left me,
when the seasons changed.
You followed summer,
right out of my life.

I am now alone,
my heart turning colder
with the weather.

Let's be like the birds,
up,
up in the sky.
Who sing beauitful songs,
to those who pass by.

Lets be like the birds,
who fly free with out care.
I wonder how they feel,
soaring all the way up there.

Oh lets be like the birds,
who aren't ever alone.
For birds find one mate,
for a lifetime,
and together they roam.

ice-cold to the touch

a heart of stone, you’re bloodless

that is what you are

Sister,
you are daughter to our father.
Set in your ways
of practicality and reason.
Frigid, you are hunks of ice
clinking in my glass.
Never one to walk
barefoot over fire.
Rather, safe in your tower
of solitude.

Brother,
you are son to our mother.
Perpetually stumbling
down steps
               of regret
                       and carelessness.
Steaming, you are ashes
burning, ripping through the
end of my cigar.
Tirelessly chasing after
momentary balance
of your scales.

Me,
I am both mother and father,
both brother and sister.
Eternally tangled,
my strings of rationality
knotted with my
also impetuous strands.

And the more I lied,
about not loving you,
the more it hurt.
But I did it,
for myself.
And every word,
that spilled out my lips,
was like blood,
from an uppercut.
But to tell the truth,
I rather that pain,
than the one I felt that night.
Because that night,
I gave it all,
and you gave it all,
right back.
So I’ll face you,
and our friends each day,
like my heart is,
was,
never sore.
But each day,
it ***** the life from me,
right from my very core.

Theres a wind
present in each
of our lives..
The calmest breeze
can blow people
right into our path,
and a trecherous one
can whisk people away
in an instant.
We're all just
leaves in the Fall,
and only the
wind
knows all.

My heart
put on it's glasses
I see clearly, now.

Craving,

the feel,

of fingertips,

or a beautiful set,

of lips,

along my hips,

inner thighs.

Wishing you,

would drive me,

wild.

Clutching,

fist fulls of sheets,

while you,

tease me.

Delicate line,

between love,

and hate.

Your tongue,

sends the lonliness,

away.

Lines separating love and insanity,
oh how they blur frequently.

My flowing red insides
turned to concrete
and almost tore
right through my flesh
to hit the floor
when
I saw you
standing there
yesterday.
It was almost like
peering into a past life,
but you never
looked my way….

F
  a
   l
l
   i
     n
      g

into concrete,
and you wouldn’t even catch me.

I cannot stand these waves of loneliness

that wash upon the shores of all that I am.

Wade in my waters

dig your toes in my sand.

For what is the beauty of the beach

without the presence of man?

You
******
my scarlet
blood
right out
from
my veins.

I used to crave your lips,

I used to live to kiss them sweetly.

Now I

want to bite them off of your face.

I want to watch you bleed

on the outside,

like I did on the inside.

If your last breath was 
taken
in front of my 
weeping eyes,

my lips would not 
know a
sorrow worse
 than kissing you
for
 the last time. 

Your wounds visible,

and mine bleed on the

inside as yours do onto

the now crimson concrete.

My lips and fingertips are

stained scarlet by your demise,

I still crave you like I used to. 

I won’t let a drop of you go

to waste my darling.

My tongue tastes whats

left of you and I know now

that love is the most sick

form of beauty that I’ve seen.

Slice open the flesh
of my abdomen,
to release the butterflies,
its all so calm now.
Stitch me up,
sew me shut,
make me whole again.
Maybe that’s what
love is after all,
knowing you still
hold that scalpel
and trusting you not
to rip open my
stitches.

You loved her so,
more than you  loved me.

I wonder if she was your mistress...

or if in fact I was the other woman after all.

We had many threesomes
full of intoxicating bliss,

but eventually you picked her
over me.

I don't think you'll ever leave her.

This time I swear to you
there are NO words
to convey my sorrow

I can barely make it
through today
Without you
there is no tomorrow

I am devastated
desolate
you could even
say i'm ruined

Perhaps you'll
read the definitions
to capture the
dark language
in which im fluent

Instead of using useless words
that will only come up short

I should just spill
my blood
right onto this page
to this I have had
to resort.

Hating you I do not do.

My own self is who my anger lies with now.

For it is of my own will that when I think of you- see you

that I do not feel whole;

it is like a piece of me is missing, just out of reach, maybe even dead.

I feel different now.

I have somehow picked up my shattered pieces and glued

them back together,

yet it feels as though they are arranged differently now..

I am uncertain if you took a part of me with you,

or if I put it in your pocket.

Or better yet there remains a possibility it roams endlessly, alone, with no set destination,

maybe even searching for the pieces of you it once knew.

I remain in the corner of my mind,

crying inside, screaming, clawing at a way out, yearning for that missing piece of me- you.

In my dreams – no, more like nightmares
you softly brush my cheek with your hand
before you lean in for the sweetest kiss..
Sometimes you even tell me you were wrong,
that you were wrong to let our love go.
Oh but in my most twisted night terrors
you look into my eyes, right through to my core
and whisper,
“I love you.”

I slip on
a pretty mask,
hiding it all
away.

My mind seems to
be an endless
labyrinth of pitch black
passageways
with a different
devil ‘round every
corner.

Mirages paint the
sky-scraping walls that
taunt me endlessly.
Voices fool me with
the lovely melody of
their false words.

It is a
frigid
damp
lonely
journey.
Home to
every
nightmare.

And every single
time I reach that
exit door..
I open
it only to
be faced
with a wall of
BRICK.

It’s hard to fight that
little teeny tiny voice
that softly whispers,
“Starve..”
and when I do fight it,
she ceases to whisper,
now yelling,
frantically screaming,
shouting through
her tears,
“STARVE!”

When I eat it’s like I’m,
hurting her,
killing her.
I feel guilty,
although
she is nasty,
mean,
with never a kind word
to share with me,
unless I listen to her.
Oh how she tempts me,
pretending to befriend me..
complimenting me
while I fight those
hunger pains,
she keeps me
going…

Yet I know I
have to end
our disastrous friendship.
Friend?
She is an,
enemy.

Ah but sometimes,
in the secrecy of my
own fragile mind,
I let her words,
linger…
I push her away,
and she crawls
back to me.
I wish she would
just… leave me be.

Oh Ana,
I’m sorry,
I cannot be friends,
anymore.

Its is,

the raging red,

matter,

coursing through,

my veins.

Peeling back my layers,
effortlessly.
Exposing deeper thoughts,
things I do not normally,
share.
Like you’ve injected my veins,
with a magic syrum.
One that makes me tell you all,
blessing,
or disease?
Your eyes look into me,
pulling the deepest waters to shore.
I find myself,
walking this tightrope of emotion.
I warn myself,
“Don't look down.”
Never would I want to tumble,
to my death,
in that raging sea of love.

I look at the way raindrops

slide down the glass of

my bedroom windows

and I wonder if they love it

as much as I adore when

your fingertips slide down

my skin almost the same way.

If I were glass and you

were water,

I’d wish for rain everyday.

Tonight
I lost you,
I lost you
tonight.

A drop of you falls from

my left canine tooth

and my tongue receives

its biggest rush.

It comes to mind that

maybe it is not lipstick

that stains my mouth

crimson after all.

As I look down upon you

squirming in your own

personal cherry colored

body paint,

I can barely hold in

a wicked giggle.

I’m not sure if I prefer

the click-clack of my

high heels on the

now contaminated tiles,

or your screams.

Don’t worry,

I’ll lock the door behind me.

My words feed from the flesh
that gives them strength, my pain

I let the writer in me die,
suffocated by my joy

In a world of sunshine
still the darkness creeps in

It is so frigid in the shade

When all have turned away
from the lifeless poet,
her fingers twitch at last

Reborn to pour her soul
onto paper with words
whether blissful or wretched

She awakens.

Echoes all around me,

coming from every which way,

of evil laughter,

taunting me.

Louder,

stronger,

make it stop.

It comes from within me,

where no one dares to venture.

For in my mind,

it is like a cemetery,

on a cold October night.

There lies,

all of my passed on hopes,

my rotting dreams,

and my buried wishes.

My heart six feet under,

in a ragged coffin,

forgotten.

Dig it up,

save me,

I beg.

There I stand,

at the iron gates,

with nothing more than,

my tortured screams.

No one listens,

no one ever does.

The laughter will never stop,

until I smarten up,

and realize,

I only have myself.

You walked,

out the door,

whistling blissful tunes.

Back into your,

“normal life,”

your award winning façade.

You play the part,

oh so well.

You got your,

fix,

didnt you?

With each delicate,

careful movement,

you sliced my flesh,

deeper.

Those walls,

forever hold,

the memories,

of my screams.

If only they knew,

the ones in your,

precious fake world,

that with you,

you took,

those last vital,

drops of blood.

That seeped from my veins,

into the once chalk white carpet,

now a deep crimson.

You left me,

lifeless.

What will become of me

when you find another?

What will happen to these lips

that used to kiss you deeply,

and these fingertips

that used to touch you sweetly?

I can tell you that

these eyes

will drown themselves

with sorrow,

each night they close

I wonder

will you still love me

tomorrow?

hands covered in blood

covering the gaping hole

you left in my chest