It's a lasting sadness!
It over shadows all gladness.
It's constant loneliness.

It's in my voice.
It isn't by choice!

It's more than a lark.
It pains my heart!

It's perpetural anxiety.
It keeps me from sobriety.

Lost Love
Is this better than no Love?

Let me be the one to lift your spirits,
to tend to your injured ego.

Allow me to mend your bleeding heart.
to dry your salty tears.

I wish to be the one you find comfort from.
I want to cause you to forget the cruel past
and to forget old fears.

when your faith & confidence are strong,
when your smile and laughter are abundant,
when your eyes & spirit sparkle again,
when your happy and strong.

Will you fly away on your merry way?
Will you let me be the one?

Shivering in the cold, begging for escape;
My death has been arranged, and life has slipped away.

The hope that I once felt is hiding in the dark;
The prayers that I once held are frozen in my heart.

How can you ask me to sing a happy song?
You know not the pain I've endured for so long.

How can you ask me to look on the bright side?
My soul is lost in darkness, a starless night sky.
  In here there's no care
    for what's wrong and what's right
  My spirit laid bare,
    in here there's no light.

So I dance with the demons as they sing me to sleep,
And I wait for the angels to come rescue me.
  Yet over and over, they fail to arrive,
  And again I'm left wondering, Why even try?

But the pain is so great, the seclusion so final...
Wouldn't you hope for someone to rely on?

             *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Suddenly, I witness, at my soul's door
Something I never once noticed before.

A glimmer of light, so weak and so frail,
Finding it's way through a crack in this hell.

How can this be? I'd given up hope!
I'd just finished tying the noose in my rope!

But surely, I see it, a light drawing near,
Chasing away all the darkness I fear.

The cup of my spirit was emptied before,
But now it is filled with the light at the door.

How did this happen? What brought this on?
Where is the darkness now stolen by dawn?

I've done this before
the      d       i         s            t           a          n          c               e

game.

Must be something
special cause I swore
I'd never futs with
that again.

But here I am
marking days off my
calender     X     X     X
X     X      X

i watch as steam rises from my cup of coffee.


drifts
disappears

like it wasn't even there to begin with

like wisps of smoke
spiraling toward the ceiling



but this coffee tastes burnt
and i'm drinking it out of the coffee cup you gave me for my birthday



i just want to throw it across the room and
watch it splatter across these ******* ugly yellow walls

Those people
who hide their feelings
usually cares the most.

how do you tell someone
"i miss you"



when your heart aches
when you just think
the words.

i could never bear to say them out loud

i'm worried about even putting them here.


but I do,

I miss you.


and I think about you all the time.


The more I learn about myself,
the more I realize

that I just want to see you again.





now i guess i'll just wait and see.

the therapist said
that i have to
"strip away my earth suit
and find my true essence"

find my true essence.
who the **** am i without a boy by my side
and a hand in my hand?

who am i when i'm alone in my room, listening to silence?

who am i
without you?

It's hard.
it's gonna be hard to figure it out.
it's gonna be a journey

a journey that i need to take.

but at the same time, it's like
the Matrix.

taking the red pill?
or the blue pill.

you make a choice.
you can either hibernate
in another person's reality

or you can live your own.


but it's so much easier to fill this gaping hole in my chest with people that don't fit

than to try to let it heal by itself.'