There was a certain beauty
that could be seen within her ugliness.

There was a certain clarity
finding its way through all her confusion.

There was a certain sanity
scarcely heard among the screaming of her madness.

There was a certain alertness
waking up from her exhaustion.

There was a certain light
shining through her darkness.

There was a certain meaning
edging its way out of her emptiness.

There was a certain absolution
found amidst all her regret.

There was a certain realization
that she would find her way.

Just a certain certainty
that she would be okay...

She was so young and alone
Trying to find her desperate way
Doing whatever she could,
whatever it takes
Impressionable, fragile
Hurting inside with an ache in her soul
Crying behind the smiles and jokes
Wanting to love and feel real warmth
running for shelter from her storm

Lightening and rain never cease
Her attempts at freedom deplete
She reaches out for hope
And gets a handful of dope
Using whoever to get strong
As if to win you must be on top
Too bad, she didn’t know she was wrong

I wish I could hold her warm hand
Hear her soft voice
Hug her again
I want to go back and do more for my friend

I  lost you and I mourn
Lying awake, I wonder
“could I have done more?”
What if I never gave up on you, friend?
Where would you be?
Alive again?
What if I had the words to heal your heart
I had them locked away to never depart
I wish I could know and know for sure
That heaven is your home
It breaks my heart
To think of you
In an eternity of pain
Your life was so young
And death is so final
I hold breath and wonder if it’s really true
It’s taken me ten months
To finally cry over you.
I avoided the facts
And ignored the truth
But here I am now
And you’re heart doesn’t beat

I said things I regret
I hurt you behind your back
I looked at your life and didn’t understand
I stayed away from you after you burnt my hand
I told others to be careful
We’d shake our heads in wonder
We wanted to help you
And you shut us out
Did we try hard enough?
Did you need us to shout?
If me shouting would have saved your life,
I would of shouted til my voice went dry
If me running after you would show you you’re loved
I’d run and run and never give up

If I knew your life was coming to an end
I would of sought you again my precious friend
I would of invested my time to see that you’re safe
I would of spoken truth and not have been late
I would of held your hand through the withdrawls
I would of shown you love when you felt empty and alone
I would of given you anything that you might need.
I cry in silence and breath slow.
I miss you and I want you to know
I’m really sorry for not being what you need
Jesus loved you and he wanted to set you free
Wherever you are, I wish you could know
That I’ll never be the same
I won’t talk about a person like it’s a game
I’ll always try and never give up
I’ll treat my friends like they’re worth the time
I love you. I love you. I’ll always love you.

I am loud,
Demanding attention.
I know when I am being charming
Because I try.
I put on my impressing face
And do my impressing hair
And speak my impressing words.
I tell you my embarrassing drinking stories
And everything else about me
That you probably shouldn’t know.

I am not good at being quiet
Because that’s not who I am.
I am not the sweet girl
Who will leave you with a smile
And a touch
And a glance
Or a single word.
There is nothing of this fashion of romance
About me.

I am the girl who will point out your flaws,
And take you outside to see the stars,
And remind you how human you are,
And what a wonderful thing that is.

I am the girl who will talk about science,
And music and theology and history,
And point out constellations, laughing,
When you don’t know the big dipper’s name.

I am the girl who will make witty references,
To classic literature and science fiction,
And will tell you stories of how I once,
Made a gingerbread replica of a lighthouse.

I am the girl who will stand on a table,
And sing at the top of my lungs on the highway,
And act like a chicken or quail or velociraptor,
Or nuzzle your face like a lion to make a point.

I am the girl who takes too many shots
And then coaxes you to bed on a Russian liver,
And knows all the right places to bite, and tease,
And follows with exceptionally coherent pillow-talk.

I am not a thin silk scarf on the wind.
I am not a thing hard to capture.
You would not spend a perilous journey
Through a wild, perfumed jungle,
Searching for my slender garments
Hung beside a pool
As I wail to the breeze.

Rather, I am the bird who flies overhead
Making too much noise
Distracting from the trail ahead.
A bird whose plumage proves
What an interesting life it must be…
What a colorful life for me…
Perpetually strange
The lone comic relief.

I am many things.
But I am not quiet.
Of this I am sure.

I've got a confession.
No matter how much you love me,
Care ,
And swear to never leave.
I'll always think of going back to him
That guy who uses me.
Why? Hell if I know. 
Though, Id go if he'd take me,
And stay, if he'd break me.
Even though I KNOW in a month or less
I'd be no more than another ex.
I hate to say this...
Because I do like you,
But I can't stay away from him,
Like I could to you.

I feel like the rope
In a long game of tug 'o' war
I'm tearing apart
I'm not as strong as I was
In the beginning
Two sides are pulling me
Back
And
Forth
And Neither side
Seems to be winning
Yet I'm the only one losing
I'm breaking
The more they pull at me
The further I'll stretch
But soon I will break.