“I don’t believe in love”
He said
“There’s just this
Sycophantic idea with forever
And that somehow our passion
Could last exactly that long”

I think about you
And I almost believe him
But I know
I can love you forever

I am too good at bear hugs
And am fully flexible
When it comes to Kama Sutra napping
I can hold you in slumber
From any angle

I know there are days
Where I fall so far apart
The slow drag of my soul
Along the ground
Pieces me back together a little *****

I am a little *****
Especially when it comes to my mouth
I say things sometimes
That surprise the disgusting

I hope you like ***** talk

And I hope you can be patient
Forever is a long time to love somebody

I mean
Centuries from now
After my soul has doubled back
On it’s ***** self
So many times I come back as just a flower
I will still try and smell nice for you

And I will try and stay alive in
Whatever *** you drown me in
For as long as I can

I mean
I can’t live forever
But as long as I do
I am fully capable
Of loving you

I don't know who I am anymore.
who I ever was for that matter. I
hate
that saying
"I just have to find myself"
it feels like a lame
copout.
an excuse to leave behind your responsibilities,
an excuse that makes everyone feel like crap. everyone
but you.
nevertheless, here I sit
at the bottom of a dark closet asking myself:
who am I?
that question is just a breath away from:
I need to find myself.
where does one go
exactly,
to find one's self?
I might need to buy a ticket

I have been so caught up in
pleasing people,
I don't know
how to
please myself.
I want to cry.
I want to feel that deep aching rip in my chest that comes with the choking toddler sobs.
I want to taste the salty tears as they trickle down my face, tickling my checks’.
I want to release this swirling scream from within my lips.
I want,
I want,
I want,
I don't know what I
want.
how could I? I don't know who I
am.

I wonder if there is really even
anyone to discover?

will I
always feel this way?
I can't remember before I felt this way. even though I
am sure that there was a
before.
could this possibly be a feeling that people live with?
I need air to live. I need
light
to see. I don't know who that person in the mirror is
but, life goes on.
Do I need simply to repress this feeling, like
so many others:
alienation,
loneliness,
longing,
and now this, this
ambiguity
within myself. that is myself.
I am...
a
question

Thrice today my heart sped
to speeds that threaten life.
It pounded in my chest
and sent tingles through my veins.
A nervous bird
fluttering in a cage of my ribs.
Staring past the bones
it longs for the sky.

I Try To Make It Better,
Try to clear my mind,
Say It's okay,
Try not to worry,
But thoughts creep in,
They suffocate me.

I'm So Alone,
Friends begin to hate me,
I've been selfish and immature,
Or maybe they've been uncaring and inattentive.

My Love Life Is Terrible,
My first love hates me,
The ones I want don't want me,
I guess I'm not good enough.

Home And School,
Chores,
Homework,
Basically my life,
So time consuming.

My Scars Mock Me,
They want to be refreshed,
I barely hold on,
I want to just cut here and there,
But I'm trying to be strong.

I Want To Let Go,
I don't wanna care,
I don't wanna care about a thing,
I just wanna breathe.

I Don't Wanna To Think,
I Don't Wanna The Stress To Bother Me,
I Don't Wanna Care How They Feel,
I Don't Wanna Love,
Because I Know Love Leads To Heart Break,
I Don't Wanna Live,
But I Don't Wanna Die,
Just Sent Me To Limbo,
Just Send Me To A Place Where I Don't Have To Give A ****,
Send Me To A Place Where I'm Not Prone To Give A ****.

there was one night
i remember particularly


when the candles were lit

on the bedside table
and in my soul


i was on fire

for you


there were hours of
my lips against yours



hot warmth of your back
warming my palms

I couldn't believe that
your body
was inside
of my body.

we were one person.

the skin and the smell
of your sweat

a constant reminder of our nakedness
wow


breathtaking
wetness
of everything


peeking at
our *******
we both looked down
you pulled out
wet from me

wet like everything we knew

like the lake that we swam naked in
or the river
where i first thought

"love"

is what this is.


we looked down
and the hair
sticking to my legs
from the delicious sweet muskiness

shimmering

the sweat on my body was not yours
it was not mine

it was Ours

for hours