It started with quiet sobs
Into my pillow every night
Next thing i know
My loud screams are fading into the same pillow
With my face buried in it

It started with tears streaming down my face
Three deep breaths and I'm calming myself
Its okay

I'm boiling with rage
Everything, anything I could get my hands on
Are splattered across the floor
There's glass every where

Three deep breaths
I calm myself
It's okay

I wrap my lips around him,
I set fire to him, I take a drag.
His every kiss leaving me breathless. 
Over and over again,
to burn from a love that isn't yours.

Knife after knife
twisted and turned
inside of me.

It's quite exhausting you see
being constantly
ripped apart.

I fall in love with
the cigarette between their teeth,
the messy hair,
the void in their hearts,
the empty words that spill from their lips.

I fall in love with
the white lies,
kisses on my neck,
promises they cannot keep.

I fall in love with the darkness around them
like the nights I break down and cry.

Maybe one day I'll understand why
I chase the things that tear me apart

When I saw you
amidst the clouds of colour  
my flesh, my bones, my soul
yearned to know
the vibrant hues of your soul

And when my green stained hands
touched your cheeks,
I knew I had touched them before,
in another time, some other life.

Red-rimmed eyes
from sleepless nights,
Shoulders heavy
from the weight I carry,
into the shadows I will soon fade,
along with the demons inside of me.

Would I be missed?
I won't sit and wonder.
I'll call my last breath
a sigh of relief.
My soul will rest easy
when I'm ten feet  under.

Raging waves crash at my feet
taking me away to the great sea.
With no energy left in me to swim anymore,
I drown, I sink, I float back to the shore.

I walk around drenched and cold,
above me are the grey clouds that never leave.
Thunder claps near my ears,
lightening strikes straight to my heart.
You'll never find a rainbow in me,
for the storm never ends with me.

Onto the bed you throw me down,
graze my skin with your fingertips.
You breathe fire against my neck,
then press your lips hard against mine.

You leave a trail of soft kisses down my belly,
sending shivers down my spine.
My legs wrap themselves around you,
while you burn my skin with your tongue,
I whisper his name,
with fingers tangled in your hair.

When I was a child, I never stopped talking.
I always had something to talk about,
even if it's about the plain white walls of my living room.
Everything fascinated me.
'Lets play a game; lets not talk for a while'
I'd stay still for a minute or two,
then start blabbering again.
'You shouldn't talk so much, learn to be quiet, you make too much noise'
The older I got, the quieter I became.
I realized that the less I spoke, the lesser my mom screamed.

'Why do you not speak much?'
I smile and shrug as I try to silence the voices in my head,
and focus on the conversation.
'You don't say much, do you?'
I don't know, nothing fascinates me now.

Whenever I open my mouth to say something,
the voices get louder 'Don't say anything. Learn to be quiet',
and I let the words die on my lips.

With each layer you build of you,
you pull apart a layer of me.
I'm scared by the time you heal,
there'll be nothing left of me.

Same echoes of laughter, empty words.
Same lips on mine, hands on my waist.
Same tears shed, melancholic nights.
Same lump in my throat, heaviness in my chest.
Just a different face each time.

When I met you, you were struggling to pick up
The broken pieces of you she had left scattered all over the place.
You were bruised and scarred and I wanted to hold you and kiss the pain away.
You looked at me and I knew what you felt; I was you once when he tore me apart, I’ve walked the same road you're on.
I know the wild beasts that live there, I've made my peace with them.
You'll meet them too. I know it scares you and
I want to ease your mind, tell you it gets better,
but I know I have to let you figure that out for yourself.
Because that's how you grow,
That's how you become stronger,
That's how you heal.
I can't fix you, and I'm sorry for that,
You are your own saviour.
I'll swallow my feelings for now because this is about you and you only.
This is about you finding the light at the end of the tunnel.
And I won't ask you to walk faster because I'm way ahead of you on this road.
Instead, I'll wait here with open arms.
When you find yourself, you can find me.
When you're ready for it, you can walk with me.

I’m slowly rebuilding walls
that I had let fall to let you in.
For you’re starting to taste bittersweet,
and I’m afraid I won’t be able to get rid of your flavour.

I still remember the taste of your lips on mine,
My legs like jelly and belly full of butterflies.

With sweet kisses, you destroy every inch of me.
Ripping me open with your gentle touch.
You break my bones with so much passion,
Oh, you are so lovely when you tear me apart.
I bleed from your cruel kindness.

I think of everything,
I think of nothing.
Sometimes I want to bang my head on the wall
until the voices screaming in my head die out.
Other times, my mind is blank,
I'm desolated, I feel nothing.

You are heroine, and my arms are covered in scars;
I could never get enough of you.

I spoke to him in shades of red and yellow,
but he only saw me in black and white.
I was a fire burning bright,
but he blindly choked on the ashes and the smoke.

Little do you know of the countless nights
I spent trying to figure out
Where I went wrong,
how I ******* it up, or
what was wrong with me.
Little did I know that it was you
who couldn't put in the effort.

Love is something that'll make you lose your mind,
and i would rather stay sane.