i think i've forgotten
what it feels to be loved
to be truly loved
because everywhere i look,
when compared to other beauty
i'm never enough
i will never be as pretty as her,
nor will i be as outgoing as her
my flaws will emerge
and cover up the good
you'll see me at my worst
and that's probably why they leave
because why love a daisy
when there are roses around me

- 1:56am

what is it about you
that makes my heart beat fast
my stomach's butterflies to fly fast
for my knees to fall fast
for my fingers to write words about you so fast
because for the longest time
i've never fallen so fast
and im scared

- a.l.

i keep telling myself that im a writer
but i cant even use words
to express what i feel
i havent felt like this in a long time
and im scared because
one again
my words cannot truly express
what i feel
for you
my words were my walls but now
i cant even speak
because my brain cannot function when
you smile
and when you laugh
get away from me
i cant do anything
i need to be able to write something
but i cant because you're here
please
please
leave me before you break my heart
and before i can no longer write

- a.l.

how do you know when to give up
because i have no clue
no one taught me how to stop loving
no one told me what to do
when he left
when he stomped away
dropping every piece of me

how do you know when its time to stop crying
because i think i've wasted so many tears
over a boy
who "loved" me
but just actually used
because i dont know when to stop

how do you know when to stop trying
trying to think that there is someone
out there for
me
because im tired, too tired
too broken, too used

how do you know when the world finally
gives up on you
because i think it gave up on me

- a.l.

there used to be a time that when people asked me about you
i'd turn into a tomato, blushing when i talk about you
my lips curve into a smile
when your name
leaves my lips

my stomach turns and my heart pounds
people could see my eyes glisten with joy

you made sense to me then

yet now

my stomach feels empty
when your name leaves my lips

eyes filled with tears instead of joy
my heart aching when i talk about how much
i love you
wait
how much i
loved
you

now

after two years
im still hung on you
waiting for the chance to be seen
to be loved
by you

once more

- a.l.

in the palm of my hand
is a pen
that will write my future
into this paper
this paper
has strings that
will ultimately
bring me to my
future
and i am ******* scared
because
i'm 17
and you are asking me
about my future
so early
i don't even
understand how
to solve the minimum
and maximum of a parabola
how do you expect me to choose
what i want to take
when i don't even know
how to balance a checkbook
or how to work in the real world
how do you help me process rejection
how will you help me choose my
plan b
if my plan a fails

- a.l.

it's not that i don't love you
because i do
but it's because
it's been too long
since i've loved
and i don't remember what it feels like
i love you
but i've never
fallen
in love
with you
that's the difference
between
you
and
me
we're going too fast
you call me baby
and im scared
i don't want to break your heart
but i know i'll be breaking mine
if i don't
stop
this
so forgive me
when i say
i can't be yours
because i haven't fallen
in love
with you

- a.l.